Hello all

[Unlucky]

I'll start with my story 

22 yeah old from UK. First of all I'd like to consider myself as very unlucky, hense the name. I thought drugs were ok, I didn't particularly like them but I did defend the use of them. however I hate the drug culture, people high dancing to shitty music in shirty raves, it makes me laugh why people would ever do this. Anyway I smoked weed a few times a year on special occasions with a group of friends, we'd just chill out and watch a film. Now my friend got into MDMA the last year or so and wanted me to experience it, after two years last summer o finally decided to try it. It was alright wasn't overly keen because it was a bit too intense. Woke up the next day and something was really off, but said friend convinced me to smoke weed the next day and low and behold I, stuck with all of these stupid visuals, they literally appeared after the first toke.

for months afterward I had panic attack after panic attack. I couldn't eat, sleep or function. I frantically paced up and down my living room to my kitchen for around 4 weeks. That's all I did, I even eat my meals while doing this.

these were my symptoms.

My headaches were unbearable, like my brain was forcing itself out the front of my head. I was taking 6 co codamols a day. 

My stomach was in so much pain, I couldn't do anything for four days when at its worst, the stomach pains last around 2 months.

id get really light headed all the time for no reason.

I suffered for heavy depression, nothing interests me, I felt very empty and just stayed in bed. 

Visual problems: visual snow: pretty light, but still annoying, slight after images. So basically mild palinposia. But will very very annoying considering I was blessed with perfect HD vision.

now here's the biggest problem. I struggling with movement, I get very dizzy because my vision skips when I move my eyes. I can watch TV and see things move, but when I move my eyes up and down, side to side it will skip like a reel of photos.

THE GOOD NEWS: 

after 5 months I have experienced tremendous signs of recovery, my visual snow is bearable and has deffinatly fading. Lines don't wiggle anymore. My headaches and eye strain are manageable, I no longer need any painkillers, the headache isn't always present. My head rushes are gone completely. My appetite is back to normal and by depression has gone. It seems as my eyes are slowly fixing themselves as I used to see double in my reflection now it's back to normal. 

The problems that remain is the light palinposia, slight anxiety and skipping vison. 

QUESIONS

is it possible to make a full recovery? 

Has anyone here made a few recovery? 

When I read this board I get worried because so many people report worsening symptoms, and I'm scared that I might let this experience get on top of me and I'll slide into a worse HPPD state. 

Bearing in mind, I've only smoked a handful of weed and have done used MDMA once in my life. 

Before you say anything I will never drink again, I just couldn't justify it after the damage I've done to myself. And I'll certainly never try another drug. I've also cut out my said friend after 14 years of friendship, I have so much resentment over him as I blame him for ruining my life.

[Jay1]

I would call you VERY lucky!!!!

You are recovering and have every chance of a full recovery.

There are a few things you need to work on, mainly your mindset... As I said, you are not unlucky, quite the oppsitie... Also, your friend didn't ruin your life... Unless he had a gun to your head when you took MDMA? It was your choice, it backfired.. You had a tough time but are recovering well and have learnt a massive life lesson... Time to turn this into a positive. Be thankful for every day that you spend with your santity intact... Don't be resentful, have a positive mindset... You can either be angry about what happened or be happy that the path you took led to you to understand that mental health is fragile and precious.

[K.B.Fante]

This forum is littered with recovery stories so I wouldn't worry too much about that considering you've already improved a lot. You obviously need to stay away from drugs for the rest of your life too, but again it sounds like you already know that. 

The only thing I'd say is just prepare yourself for perhaps not recovering as fast as you'd like. When I first got HPPD I thought it'd be a few weeks before a recovered, then the weeks turned into months and months into years. One of the most difficult parts of this whole process has been the painstakingly slow recovery rate, but now that I'm aware this is a process that takes years I'm OK with it. Just be ready in case you're recovery drags on. 

[Unlucky]

Well obviously I haven't told everyone the whole story regarding my friend, but I don't really want to air it online. 

Thanks for the replies guys. I've always valued my mental health Jay because my on my mothers side they've had a lot of problems being in hospitals, even shock therapy. So I know second hand that mental health is so so important, more than anything in my opinion. I was pretty stupid taking MDMA without even researching it. I put way too much trust in my friend, I didn't even know the dose he gave me. If I'd had known it would have been so intense I wouldn't have tried it. I guess I just wanted to hang out with my friends because they were drifting away into the drug culture and I thought I could balanced it with my own lifestyle. I do maintain that I'm unlucky because I took an average amount of MDMA over the course of the night and have experienced so much pain and suffering for what's considered an average night for some.

[Jay1]

Driving on a road is an average thing to do for most people... But if you are in a car crash and walk away with a broken leg that will heal... You are lucky.

Thinking positive is a really important step to recovery.

There are people on here that did LSD once and have had this for decades. That is unlucky. I'm not trying to downplay your suffering, hppd is dreadful... be it weeks, months or years... just trying to show you that this can be turned into a positive life lesson.