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Well, hello there everyone! My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have HPPD. 
At first, I didn't really know what I was going through. When I was 15 I had taken LSD for the first time and had a wonderful time. Then when I was 18 I experimented with some RC's. I started to notice that from time to time I'd start to see visuals on the floor and walls but I thought it was pretty cool at the time..hah. Then finally at age 19 was when I took some LSD that was from the Grateful dead family and that's just when things took a turn for the worst..I took 2 tabs of it and let's just say it was the strongest freaking acid I've ever had. I also smoked a really fat bowl and shortly after I seriously thought that I was going to die. My tracers weren't as colorful and making me happy as they usually would and the room felt like it was enclosing on me. I actually started to lose my mind and my grip on reality..which wasn't even that tight to begin with. Scared me enough to never touch acid again. 
So here I am today, 4 years later and that trip still comes back to haunt me. When I roll on MDMA and even smoke weed the visuals come back and my heart starts pounding extremely hard and the room feels like it's enclosing on me. Sometimes, when I'm in my room in the dark I still feel like I'm tripping. It keeps me up at night and I just can't help but think to myself...is this really gonna happen to me for the rest of my life? How can I do anything for myself if this is all I can ever think about? I honestly thought that I was the only one going through this because a lot of my friends are acid heads and when I try to explain to them what's going on in my head..they just think I'm crazy. 

But then I found this wonderful website thanks to Reddit! It makes me feel so much better that I'm not the only one going through this. I really hope to find different ways to help me either let this fade away or learn how to cope. 

For whomever took the time to read this, thank you so much. I really hope I get to hear back from some of you it would help me a lot. 

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Hi, welcome to the site.

First thing to note is you really have to stop the MDMA and weed, if you haven't already. MDMA will make this shit into a living hell, I speak from experience as someone who had a milder hppd from LSD, and, like yourself, I actually quite enjoyed it. But MDMA sent me into a really bad place.

With regard to coping mechanisms, they will come with time. I'm 21 years in now and, thought I am far from great, I do have ways to cope. Avoid stress, avoid drugs, avoid caffiene, use klonopin in a controlled way to avoid addiction, don't look back with regrets or anger, get fit, get out in nature, avoid situations that freak you out but don't shy away from living your life.

Keep on fighting, Jay

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  • 1 month later...

Hi Amanda.  I'm still in contact with people who tripped with me in high school (40 years ago).  None of them have residual symptoms except for me and they used to look at me like I was crazy when I described what I was going through.  I stopped talking about it to anyone a long time ago until I found this forum.  If I consume MJ my heart pounds and the visuals that are always present become far more "apparent".  As I've stated in other topics, I wish I had stopped using drugs once my symptoms started.  Have you considered just not using drugs for a while just to figure out where your head is at?  I realize that can be difficult when the people in your sphere are still on that adventure.  Food for thought anyway.  I'm no doctor or anything (MadDoc) is an old nickname from those days.  Be well and take care.

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