Never been diagnosed, maybe HPPD two years on

[AllyThroughTheGlass]

Hi there

 

So I think its awesome that this forum exists. I've been feeling quite isolated around my HPPD (if that's what it is, I'm hoping you can help), ever since the symptoms started September 2012.

 

So my main issue I guess is the static (or visual snow?) that I see constantly, though it's particularly worse at night/in the dark. I also sometimes see outlines (or auras?) around people, they're usually always a yellowy/green. I see colours, all different ones, appearing on walls - random shapes- that then slowly fade. If I've looked at something for a while, I see the outlines even when I look away. Sometimes in my peripheral vision I see something moving.

 

In terms of drugs, I smoked weed almost every day for 6 years, the last 2-3 years I would say I was a heavy(ish) smoker, maybe a gram or more a day. I took acid and mushrooms on a number of occasions, cocaine a few times, and MDMA on quite a few occasions. from the end of 2010 until March 2012 I took DMT. I took it perhaps 80 times, in 2011 I also took 4-aco-DMT and had a really bad trip.

 

In June 2012 I started to become really paranoid whenever I smoked weed- so I was paranoid every day- I'd never experienced anxiety like that, except when I took the 4-aco. I kept thinking I could hear things that were not there, see things that were not there ect. I gave up weed a month later, cold turkey, and then took MDMA twice during one weekend in August that year. I smoke tobacco every day and drink very occasionally, but no other drugs since August 2012.

 

My HPPD symptoms started in September 2012 and have continued ever since. The first 6 months were terrible and I really struggled with the anxiety, I kept thinking it was going to 'turn' into something else. I saw a really great drugs counsellor for a few months and she helped me deal with those feelings, but as time has gone on, although the anxiety has lessened (not all the time though) I find the symptoms to be frustrating and exhausting.

 

So I know no one can 'diagnose' me here, but I wanted to know if you all thought I had HPPD? (I suspect I do). And also if anyone else started to get the symptoms AFTER they gave up drugs?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this

[RLS]

I'd say you probably do. I can relate to the increase in symptoms when I last tried to quit cannabis but I would assume that's more temporary than trying to continue to smoke cannabis and dealing with the constant symptoms. The good thing was the extra endorphines or serotonin I was experiencing which made me realize something was wrong with me considering that usually depression is the main symptom of jonesing. Fun time though.