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1 year update self babbling, long read. no improvements on visuals. used drugs again. no worsening.


etardnow
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Hey guys, its been just over a year now of hppd and wanted to give an update. 

 

TL;DR no improvements, broke my post hppd 10 month drug free streak and did not experience worsening. Anxiety and very very mild dp/dr is gone. 

 

I have no improvements on visual symptoms but anxiety and mild dp/dr is gone. 

With the anxiety gone, the visual symptoms arent such a bother and i learned that life goes on.

 

After about 10~month of being drug free due to hppd, i gained enough confidence again and indulged myself into various drugs again. 

 

Did mdma again 3 straight weekends, smoked some pot, and tried cocaine for the first time and drank 2-3 times a week for a coupe month. i even tried all 4 in 1 day.

 

In terms of worsening due to drug use, i think pot made it a bit worse(permanently) but overall its an insignificant change. ex, the tracers are more defined, so before if i only saw like 10 instances of tracers, ill now i have 15? i guess that means the duration of afterimage/tracer before it disappears have increased by a milisecond or so. 

 

i believe im one of those cases where the symptoms will never improve even after a decade. However, as long as my symptoms dont get worse, i think i won't mind.

I realized that living in fear was such a big problem of hppd. Can i drink this caffeine? can i do a full exhaustion workout? can i drink till im fucked up? can i pull an all nighter? can i eat this junk food? can i take this med for my cold? One by one i tried it and each one did not worsen my hppd, so i went back to the unhealthy but satisfying lifestyle. 

 

i do realize that my symptoms are on the milder side so its easier for me to cope than other members but im the type of personality that has always learned to adapt and go with the flow. if i really had to say, the symptoms that bother me are tinnitus and hairloss. hairloss started right with hppd, and doctors say its genetic but i dont have baldness in my family and i just know its due to the brain change. (hormone expression or bad circulation or something i guess)

 

 

 

also a random post i read from a reddit thread and regarding hppd. i've always side with this theory and it sounds about right in why we have hppd but i dont know if it has any merit. 

 

LSD increases the serotonin-receptor density in your brain. "Loose-connections" on LSD are due to neurons firing when they otherwise "shouldn't". While using LSD there is an increase in synapse levels of serotonin and the body reacts by increasing the receptor density to accommodate. This is also the reason for "flashbacks". You can get an increase in serotonin levels in the future which can trigger pathways that have an increased sensitivity to serotonin due to the increased receptor profile. The receptor density does decrease with time but it does create real changes to the brain.

 

tl:dr, new pathways are formed on LSD, the newly opened pathway doesnt close up properly after lsd use resulting in hppd.

 

im currently 1month drug free again due to my summer vacationing but the slightly worsened symptoms havent reverted to my baseline, so i assume this is my new baseline but its not much different so whatever. 

 

 

I might get hated on this but FOR ME this site has become toxic. Reading some of the post almost stirs up the ever familiar emotions of anxiety and worry that i had beginning of hppd. like searching for an answer that isnt there and becoming more desperate after reading each thread. Funny how when I did have anxiety, reading those posts and relating kind of helped me calm down but now reflecting back, it might not have been so helpful in the long run. i guess my mentality is a bit weak and i would rather ignore (is bliss) my problems then to face it and try to fix it no matter how long it takes. 

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Go ask yourself why you want to do drugs, there are the answers.

MDMA and cocaine can be deadly man, you are lucky there, and very lucky hppd not retriggered. I didnt read all, but you to agree with me its not a smart move to do drugs again.

Ive got HPPD from MDMA and speed. Im confident mdma triggered it, anyway its your life.

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Why we do the drugs we do is more important than the fact that we are doing drugs at all. Sounds like you were just experimenting and that's a perfectly normal human thing to do. If you are living a crappy life in your opinion and smoking weed and doing whatever else just to find some relief from the pressure of that life that's when there becomes a problem. It just depends on how you let it control your life and if you happen to only do it recreationally and in moderation you may be fine but don't expect your HPPD to improve.

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dont underestimate tinnitus, i haven't heard silence in a year now. 

 

why i do drugs? my enjoyment of life is amplified. don't get me wrong, once i somewhat dealt with the emotional shock of having hppd, i still had fun. i met with my friends all the time, went to raves (sober) and even the clubs sober. my initial return to drugs made me go on a spree but MDMA or cocaine is something i would do monthly at minimum. i mean I'm in asia right now and not doing drugs doesn't bother me one bit.

 

hppd or not, in the long run, i guess its not a smart move to do drugs but in the short run, it has actually helped me heal from the emotional/mental shock i deal with from hppd. almost like curing PTSD which MDMA currently holds some merit in experimental trials. 

 

if anything, some of the medicinal drugs I've taken had some effect on hppd. i recently got strep throat and took some antibiotics of the fluoroquinolone class. my anxiety came back and tinnitus was temporarily worsened. I was quite surprised at the connection because my anxiety and tinnitus and other physical symptoms started when i took some ciprofloxacin last year. it was just a couple month after i got hppd so i just attributed it to hppd. 

 

right now, the visuals are my norm so sometimes i forget i have hppd but it hasn't actually improved one bit. its just that starburstings and ghosting visuals have become my norm that it doesn't even phase me, life goes on.

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