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I wasn't planning on getting back on this site and there's probably only a few that maybe remember me.  I probably won't stick around long past this post and maybe nobody will give a shit but I've made improvements that I decided not to keep to myself.  Just a quick catch up..  The first year was pretty much the lowest low.  Dp/dr, visuals, anxiety, you name it.  As of six months ago my remaining symptoms are anxiety, head pressure and visuals, which I only notice at night.  During the day it's like I never had it at all.  

 

After the miserable first year and a whole lot of eating right and exercising, most of my symptoms dwindled to a tolerable coasting point to where it was bad, but not fuck-life bad.  That coasting point lasted two years with little improvement and I was always doing what I could to promote a full recovery and be generally okay with my life.  Getting from that point to the point I'm at now happened within a month, which was seven months ago.  If that's not interesting enough in itself, I'll tell you how.  I still don't know the why, but I'm not complaining.  

 

I was working construction, and with the lack of demand I ended up doing landscaping on the side.  I'm also an avid fisherman, mostly spearfishing.  During this period, two things happened.  First, I damaged my inner ear on a deep dive while spearfishing.  Vertigo.  Ever been laying in the center of your bed and "knew" you were falling off of it, but you weren't?  Second, while landscaping I came into unintentional contact with datura.

 

The vertigo and datura experience and what I went through because of it isn't important.  It was a nightmare, and my hppd became worse than it had ever been.  The strange thing is, after all hell broke loose, when I started getting better, I got better fast.  Here's what I did:

 

-took meclizine for vertigo (still do)

-used nasal spray and neti pot for allergies I never had before the vertigo

-sucked it up and tried not to kill myself or think about killing myself during and after datura exposure

 

There's so much of my recovery I don't understand but what helped more than anything, I believe, was fucking up my ear.  I don't know if any of you have ever injured your ear but when I did I experienced a sort of break in psychology, barely knew what anything was and when I started recovering from that, I felt like I could be anything.  It's amazing how much of ourselves is controlled by such a small part of our body.  After the datura exposure, everything was so fucked, more than it had ever been and I prayed for a brief moment of clarity.  As strange as I'm sure it'll sound to many if not all of you, I got that moment of clarity.  I knew who I was for a second, and what I had to do without even thinking.  That moment had such a severe impact on me, it was like I was given a direction to walk that I could give myself to.  I felt God's love.  I could remember who I was and I focused on every prominent memory I had that was pre-hppd.  The most prominent was school.  So what did I do?  I went back to school, the culinary program at the local community college.  I felt old wheels turning, it was as if I had allowed an old perception back into my eyes and the sight I had back then came with it.  The feelings came with it, the annoyances came with it, I started being the piece of shit I used to be before the mess.  Since then I've been sorting through that, and figuring out what to make of my life.  

 

What I'm not sure of is whether or not it was God completely that healed me, or some combination of fucking up my ear and the datura... but if you ask me, it was God.  I felt obligated to share, even if none of this helps any of you.  I've been wanting to, but I'm very protective of my progress and just being on this site gives me some anxiety.  I wish you all the best.

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Good to hear you're doing well.... The datura incident must have been hell, judging by some of the stories i've read.

 

I have often wondered whether something like that could, in some respect, reboot the brain a bit (and no, i'd never do it or recommend it!)...

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Great that you're doing better!

It is interesting that an Meclizine improved your situation, as it is an anti-cholinergic - like several alkaloids in Datura. But, it is also an anti-histamine, interestingly. Perhaps it's helping some allergic response that was exacerbating your condition. Or, the vestibular effects may be implicated indeed. I recently acquired Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss, and have had vertigo ever since, and the whole ordeal has significantly exacerbated my symptoms as well. I might look in to this; I was considering betahistine myself, as it lacks anti-cholinergic properties and causes vasodialotion locally in the inner ear, as well as being an anti-vertigo agent.

 

Regardless of the cause of your improvement, it happened, which is what is most important. Here's to hoping it sustains and gets progressively better!
All the best,

Odisa.

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Syntheso - Thanks for the kind words.  I haven't made a full entire recovery but I anticipate one.  I believe that the remaining symptoms I have which are only recognizable in complete darkness are only pronounced by the remaining annoyances of anxiety, allergies, and random bouts of vertigo from damaging my inner ear.  Once I'm past that, I'll be past hppd for good is my thought.  The life I've been living has helped me tremendously in all aspects of recovery as well, which I'd say is something to strongly consider chasing if the lifestyle you lead now isn't fulfilling enough.  I hope I don't sound all Obi-Wan but every aspect of your life plays a role, my focus is on attitude and energy, living the way that no part of me feels left out.  Feeling more than thinking, believing as much as knowing.

 

jay - It's good to see you still around.  And of course I wouldn't recommend it either.

 

onedayillsailagain - Thank you.  The way everything unfolded and folded really is interesting.  I try not to analyze it too much because you're right.. it was what it was, now I am what I am and what I am now is of value.  "Good things take time, great things happen all at once" - Rat Race. =P  I'm sorry to hear about your vertigo, I know it's a special kind of shit cherry when topped over everything else.  And here's to hoping you'll sail again one day.  I think you will.

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