Suggestions Anyone?

[pickl]

I have been dealing with hppd since november of 2013- I have found out since then what chemicals exactly caused it-

 

I mixed some mdma pills, 3 to be exact, with what I thought was LSD25, however, I have found out through the grape vine that the LSD25 was actually 25I Now I am blessed with visual snow, and figures that warp and shift as they please.

 

I have relooping thoughts that just will not end, I can't make small talk with anyone- my interactions with people, including my girlfriend consist of "yes, mhmm, I'm sorry", or an explanation of this problem. My girlfriend has a 6 year old whose father died unexpectedly 3 years ago, and as much as I try to be the surrogate father, I find myself wondering what to say to her, or always telling her not to do something. And I always tell myself, there is no way I am going to be able to handle this the rest of my life.

 

Does anyone on here that has hppd have children?

 

Depression gets the best of me, because before this horrid nightmare started, I was motivated, had all kinds of creative ideas, and could pick up and learn any job very quickly- I work a concrete construction job, and have been at it for the past 4 months- no matter how hard I try, I still have to be told to do something everyday, let alone shown the way- any suggestions on jobs for hppd'ers? Does anyone else have this problem?

 

My sleep is very limited as well- I used to be able to sleep for 12 hours if I wanted to, but now I will get 5 hours at the maximum.

 

I  still smoke ciggarettes daily, and cannabis every now and again, it does help with sleep, sometimes- I don't really mind getting drunk on the weekends, it seems to loosen me up a bit, however, it leads to being peerpressured into doing recreational drugs. will completely stopping these help me get my life back?

 

Being a DJ with HPPD has to be one of the worst things in the world! I am serriously slightly ashamed with listening to electronic music now- the depression just makes me not care about any music anymore.

 

I find it hard to even think of exercising unless someone grabs hold of me and says were going- otherwise my only source of exercise is disc-golfing.

 

I have been seeing a psychologist and have tried a few antidepressants and benzos, but Ive decided that no meds are going to be able to cure my "having to be told" situation. I do contemplate suicide every day, just because I know I could be stuck like this for life. The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is the thought of my parents and girlfriend having to burry me-

 

I'm loosing hope and loosing my mind, I just want peace with myself.

 

 

[iHaveSeenEvil]

Stop cigarettes and weed. And all stimulants. They make my HPPD and brain fog worse.

Not to mention they blast my anxiety into an almost non functioning state.

Being hung over fucks me up pretty bad too.

For me personally, finding ways to reduce anxiety have helped me the most.

HPPD feeds off anxiety. When I'm calm and collected, especially on a benzo or a few beers, I hardly notice it.

Also, three and a half months in, I AM getting better. Slowly, but surely.

[pickl]

Thank you very much for the feedback- yesterday I smoked 4 cigs and today only 2, so I'm on the verge of quitting.

 

Does it take a while to notice how not smoking cigs affects HPPD?

 

I mean I do feel the instant negative effects of nicotine right away on inhale, but even after hours of not smoking, my thoughts are still randomly looping to past events and/or future situations- mostly having to do with work and family.

 

One of my friends told me that THC will take up to a year to detox from your brain- not sure I believe this one or not- I hope its sooner then that.

 

Being a daily smoker since I was 16, I feel like it could take too long to come back to normal if this is true.

 

I have pretty good self control with cigs and weeds, but when the weekends come and my girl and friends are getting all jazzed up, it's so hard to have a good time without following suit- not being able to conversate really really gets the best of me, and then anxiety kicks in and all I think is "I don't want to be here"- so I order another drink.

 

Even when I'm at home, I can't find anything enjoyable- I am starting to think watching TV is no good for the situation either

 

The only time I really seem to find peace is when I am asleep.

[iHaveSeenEvil]

The cigs seem to have an immediate negative effect on my visuals; tracers get worse like 30 seconds in. I have no estimate as for how long it affects them. Sometimes I have them for 5 minutes, sometimes the rest of the day.

Cigs also can cause me to be light headed and anxious, and once the anxiety starts I start bugging about about literally everything and anything. And the mental loops you talk about can go on for hours for me.

I understand about not feeling right at a party when I'm trying to be sober, all my friends smoke weed and drink every night. I find I can do fine (HPPD wise) with 2-3 drinks, which is significantly better than none, but I can't overdo it.

So at parties I do have a few drinks to adjust my mood, but I can't get smashed anymore.

If I have 5+ or wake up with a hangover it's game over for me the next day. DPDR and anxiety are crippling.

Also if I even get second hand weed smoke at all I'll trip out hard for a few days. It's brutal.

Right now you just need to focus on being relatively sober. Hell, switch to decaf coffee and caffeine free soda.

I was upset I had to give it up cause coffee used to be my life, but then decaf saved my life, lol.

I can keep to my regular morning tradition!

It also clears up my HPPD brain fog, and I feel mentally normal, and free.

Focus on what reduces anxiety for you and things will be more manageable. Keep busy, stay social, say safe!

Life will improve, I promise.