pickl Posted April 8, 2014 Report Share Posted April 8, 2014 I have been dealing with hppd since november of 2013- I have found out since then what chemicals exactly caused it- I mixed some mdma pills, 3 to be exact, with what I thought was LSD25, however, I have found out through the grape vine that the LSD25 was actually 25I Now I am blessed with visual snow, and figures that warp and shift as they please. I have relooping thoughts that just will not end, I can't make small talk with anyone- my interactions with people, including my girlfriend consist of "yes, mhmm, I'm sorry", or an explanation of this problem. My girlfriend has a 6 year old whose father died unexpectedly 3 years ago, and as much as I try to be the surrogate father, I find myself wondering what to say to her, or always telling her not to do something. And I always tell myself, there is no way I am going to be able to handle this the rest of my life. Does anyone on here that has hppd have children? Depression gets the best of me, because before this horrid nightmare started, I was motivated, had all kinds of creative ideas, and could pick up and learn any job very quickly- I work a concrete construction job, and have been at it for the past 4 months- no matter how hard I try, I still have to be told to do something everyday, let alone shown the way- any suggestions on jobs for hppd'ers? Does anyone else have this problem? My sleep is very limited as well- I used to be able to sleep for 12 hours if I wanted to, but now I will get 5 hours at the maximum. I still smoke ciggarettes daily, and cannabis every now and again, it does help with sleep, sometimes- I don't really mind getting drunk on the weekends, it seems to loosen me up a bit, however, it leads to being peerpressured into doing recreational drugs. will completely stopping these help me get my life back? Being a DJ with HPPD has to be one of the worst things in the world! I am serriously slightly ashamed with listening to electronic music now- the depression just makes me not care about any music anymore. I find it hard to even think of exercising unless someone grabs hold of me and says were going- otherwise my only source of exercise is disc-golfing. I have been seeing a psychologist and have tried a few antidepressants and benzos, but Ive decided that no meds are going to be able to cure my "having to be told" situation. I do contemplate suicide every day, just because I know I could be stuck like this for life. The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is the thought of my parents and girlfriend having to burry me- I'm loosing hope and loosing my mind, I just want peace with myself. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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