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Too many symptoms to keep track of?


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I've had so many symptoms ranging from visual disturbances; tracers, trails, ghosting, auras (it makes people look green-screened), dimension distortions, vibrations, horrid light sensitivity, colors issues, entire hue distortions, things looked cartoonish, or too contrasted, I had massively blurred peripherals, I could always see my nose and eye sockets, and I can't tell if I have visual snow. I can't distinguish between what is normal or not. I also have had issues distinguishing between objects, there seems to be no definitive lines between them and everything looks like a giant mess of nothing.

I've had flickering and white flashes, but that was rare, brief, and only during my onset.

And the DPDR symptoms, everything.

Out of body experiences, can't feel my hands, body doesn't feel or look normal, I feel like I'm in limbo or a dream, I don't feel real, nothing feels real, feel like I'm floating away, my own reflection feels fake, lack of confidence, lack of meaning, lack of existence. I would watch TV and have a hard time believing those people were real and were video taped... Everything felt automated.

Chaotic vertigo and dizziness was the worst, I felt like I was close to not being able to walk. It felt as though someone was pushing me or punching me, almost like in a nightmare where you can't move properly. The sound of my own voice became bizarre and fake at times.

Massive cognitive issues; couldn't map out roads in my head, sending texts or calling people felt unreal, couldn't analyze my life right, my thought patterns changed, couldn't organize complex thoughts, massive brain fog, memory went to shit, reading things felt bizarre and fake.

Time didn't exist to me, I didn't know what 6pm or what a Monday or Tuesday was.

Side effects; massive anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD, suicidality, all sorts of fucked up shit. I felt too disconnected from the world to even consider telling someone what I was going through, because it just felt too fucked up and fake to talk about.

And I got major OCD over everything I did.

I am always questioning and over analyzing every single move I make.

Massive binging on booze and benzos, it eased the issues to a normality level.

I am almost constantly checking for "reality".

Functioning in everyday life and at work was so fucked. It was so fucking fucked. Straight fucked.

I could go into so much fucking detail about each of these symptoms but there is just too much to write.

Does anyone else feel like symptoms come and go? Like some sick fucking game?

They aren't all always present, but weekly all sorts of weird unexplainable shit seems to cycle through my life.

To the point where I don't know how to keep track of just how many shitty and fucked up things have happened.

Might I add, over the three months I've had HPPD it seems to be getting much better.

It's not just me coping, but it actually dying down.

I'm actually feeling more normal now.

A few months ago I felt like this site didn't exist even when I was reading it... Now it feels like a very tangible, real thing.

Just wanted to throw that bit of encouragement out.

I AM getting better. I often feel "normal" when entirely sober.

There are a ton of symptoms I know I missed or forgot, but I was just curious as if other people had such an eclectic range of symptoms.

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Your so brave going through all that shit ihaveseenevil and it's scary when there's more and more symptoms yapping I agree the vertigo is one of the worst for me and the breathing walls and basically anything that's grounded if I look into the future even a couple of weeks from now I panic so bad, why did it have to happen to our vision and minds and with no cure I always picture myself dead , I hope we all get better and can look back at this as a bad nightmare

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