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Hi, I'm Mike the New guy, HPPD for 18+ years


ParanoidAndroid
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My wife of 10 years just showed me a wikipedia article on HPPD and I cried. 

I had no idea that so many others suffered from these symptoms. I never had anyone to talk to!  I have learned to live with all of it.  Visual/ audio/ perception.. everything.  I have chills running dowm my spine reading your stories.  I have been there!  all I can say is that with time, it does get better.  Even if the symptoms don't subside quickly, I promise, it gets better.  I don't have time, but I'd love to tell my story in the near future.

 

I am so emotional after finding you guys.  The internet is crazy.

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After a couple of years of smoking pot in my early teen years I took a leap into psychedelics. Things went swimmingly until I decided to try MDMA along with LSD. My one and only bad trip... I couldn't wait to come down! After about 48 hours (I think MDMA was cut with speed) I finally fell asleep with the hopes my nightmare was over. It wasn't. I woke up in the midst of a bad trip that persisted. I wasn't coming down. About two weeks in I started to think it was getting a bit better and decided to smoke some weed with my friends. Worst idea ever. It immediately triggered a panic attack and landed me right back into a bad trip.

That night after I realized that I was seriously considering mutilating my belly open with a buck knife, I walked upstairs to my otherwise unknowing parents and proceeded to inform them that their son was not only a druggie, but he was batshit crazy to the point of causing severe bodily harm.

That evening I was admitte into the psych ward at a hospital about an hour into the city. I was frwaking out so bad that they put me under heavy sedation and suicide watch. After several days I. There I begged my folks to get me out, as they would not even allow the only thing that kept me grounded - music, it was against the ward policy to have Walkmans because it could be an issue with other patients.

After two weeks, and a heavy dose of Benzos and anti depressants the let me out with a diagnosis I "acute psychotic reaction."

Since then I had pondered killing myself many times, until I learned to just be one with my new situation. I discovered that the thought that thins were not supposed to be that way was what made things worse. One thing I did a lot of was drink, it seemed to ease the symptoms slightly, but it caused other problems of course.

I would at times feel like I was trapped inside a hull I had absolutely control over and I was slipping further into insanity. I thought I might he cought in loops or spend the rest of my life confused and scared. I also feared doing something haneous to others. :|

I taught myself little tricks to make my life a little easier. Breathing exercises helped a lot. In fact, I still use them to go to sleep, and I've even graduated to MBSR and Zazen. I focused more on music and stared writing music/ touring in a band. Once I embraced my new nuttiness it actually came to benefit me. After time, I was back into dating and being a rowdy teenager, but I didn't touch pot or psychedelics again. If I did, I know it would kick me right back into it again.

It gets better I promise!

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Can you provide us a detailed list of your symptoms please?

Sure!

Keep in mind I'm new to the whole HPPD thing so I'll just call them what I have known them to be;

Fuzz

Tracers

Swirls that twist and distort things peoples faces (this went away after a few years)

Slipping backwards into myself, almost like tunnel vision this only happens when I'm panicky.

Panic attacks / bad trip revisit.

My fingers melting on my hands/ distorting while (this went away too) I'm using them.

Vision loss, it's debatable that this was completely caused by HPPD, but it almost seemed overnight.

Another awful thing was thoughts... Crazy shit, I think my rational senses took over there but I was loopy for a long time after this all started.

If I think of more I will add to the list.

Thanks for listing to me! :)

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Hello - and wonderful to hear your story! I too suffered HPPD for many years, I didn't know what it was, but obviously knew the symptoms were due to acid.  I found this site in 2006 - so it was a revelation to me that there were other people out there who had the same effects. I had thought I was all alone with this 'thing' - from 1970 to 2006....that was 36 years!!!

 

As you have come to realise it does get better with time, and the brain does find ways of coping - eventually.  But the early months/years were absolute hell. I think the best message is if you know you have HPPD just don't ever do acid again.  I have since done some weed, but the last time (10 years ago...?) I had a severe panic attack due to increased HPPD symptoms, I just said enough was enough, I wasn't enjoying it - so why smoke it?

 

You have done brilliantly - good for you.  I hope we can help some of the kids on this site.

 

I wish there could be a study on why some people get HPPD. I have known loads of people who have almost lived on acid, and they have never experienced HPPD - yet moi - took it only a few times, and got left with scars.  Why?

 

Byee

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

wow that is a pretty amazing story.. thanks for shareing!

 

It sounds similar to me... 

just before finding out about HPPD i was doing a "Purification Program" - through Narcanon Drug Rehabilitation Sydney Australia, With the intention of treating HPPD, i was not an addict at the time) 

They promised that with mass doses of Niacin and other minarals, and by sitting in a sauna up to 8 hours a day ( i was on my 20th day ) that it would flush all residuel toxins out of the body and id become eleviated of my Visuals / HPPD.

 

During this time, I somehow got in touch with the expert "DR Rick Strassman" (author of the book "Spirit Molecual") and he informed me of HPPD. I was diagnosed after this this...That too was after living with HPPD for atleast 10 or so years.

 

Wow what a spin out.. yes agreed the first few years were very difficult. I dropped out of school because of it and ended up in hospital numerous times. Im lucky to be alive today..

 

Thanks for shareing your story / experiences... amazing and cool

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lol ... unfortunatley no it did not - It was not helpful

 

after 20 + days they said they had administerd the wrong amounts of minerals for what i had taken etc (wich is garbage so they gave me a refund )

 

Unfortunatley no it did not help.. It was kind of weird being in a drug rehabilitation facility when i was not comeing off anything too..

 

 This is it here   http://www.narconon.org/drug-treatment/narconon-detox.html

 

I found out the place is run by scientology too which makes it a bit freaky also..

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