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SELF DIAGNOSED

I am posting this tonight after a long time of having HPPD, to compare my symptoms to everyone elses, and most importantly be convinced that my symptoms are just symptoms.

Like most people with HPPD the anxiety of thinking it is something else can kill, and I am hoping to get some perspective on this here from other people with HPPD. 

I have read through the forums many times, and have seen my symptoms many times, but I guess something about me posting it gives me some sort of peace of mind?

You input it greatly appreciated! 

 

I am a 20 year old, college student.

Healthy & Athletic (All my life)

HPPD 2 Years

 

Symptoms: 

(100% of the time symptoms increase with anxiety)

-Blue Field Entopic Phenomena (White blood cells visible against blue sky)

-Visual Snow 

-Trails on lights in dark. Especially RED

-Random lines at night

-Scintillating multi colored patterns in white walls in certain lighting (like a line of tie die through my vision that kinda morphs around)

-Outlines, "Auras" around people/objects against light backgrounds (re appeared after further drug use, disappeared for a while)

-VERY slight Depersonalization, derealization. (rarely)

-Anxiety

-Panic Attacks (Rare)

-Slight after images. Pressing on my eye, stare at the tv screen, etc. (Can get images out of them if i'm super anxious, very rare though) 

 

 

Drugs taken:

Ecstasy, Adderral, Weed

 

-Ecstasy:

 Timing: Ecstasy at 16. 3 month period (often) until bad trip. 1 year & half later BOOM HPPD Symptoms. (VERY late onset)

 Started again (foolishly) A year ago, dosed pretty heavy every once in a while (monthly), quit about 3months ago after anxiety killed me (&truthfully want to change my life)

 

-Adderral:

 Once RIGHT before my first HPPD symptoms occurred. Had first Panic Attack, started noting HPPD symptoms shortly after.

 

-Weed:

 Periodically since I was 15. Never been a big fan due to it generally caused me anxiety.

 

Medical History: (I've never mentioned the drugs)

-Struggled with anxiety & migraines as a young kid. Disappeared until it resurfaced with HPPD (Not migraines just anxiety) 

-Neurologist (I described most the symptoms) Dismissed it as something he didn't see as worrying 

-Optometrist (Diagnosed with astigmatism)

-Ophthalmologist (Assured me nothing wrong with eyes)

 

I have NEVER taken LSD/ACID

 

& maybe this has a correlation as to why my symptoms are not as bad as other people having hppd?

I'd say compared to some things I have read on this board, my symptoms are definitely lighter than others. 

 

??????

Does this sound like a typical case of HPPD and nothing else?

I really wonder sometimes if there could be something else wrong with me. I've never had a brain scan or mri but is it really necessary?

What else could it all be? 

 

Thanks!

 

 

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Seems like HPPD. Sounds like you are healthy otherwise, but it´s easy to worry about it being something worse. If you had it for 2 years already, you´re symptoms should have stabilized if you did´nt do drugs in the mean time and therefore is nothing worse.

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U sound like me when I first received this wonderful gift from the gods of drugs passed down through the great residues. I had all the same "symptoms of no sympathy" but the scary part of it no one I knew had no clue of it or had it where I could relate. I was all alone my doctors or specialists had no idea what so ever. We had no cell phones back then or hook ups to the internet either like now a days. I literally thought I was the only one in the world with this phenomenon til four months ago roughly. I have had this incantation over me for 25 years now. As sick as this sounds I'm happy there is other peeps that have what I have and I'm not the only person suffering from this disorder.. I hope a cure comes down the line soon.. Never take Shrooms laced with L.s.d. Trust.. The shit changed my life unbelievable I can't tell if I'm in a dream or reality half the time and my tinnitus is out of this world.. Don't even want to talk about my visuals.. Good luck kid hopefully things subside for yeah!!

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Symptoms: 

(100% of the time symptoms increase with anxiety)

-Blue Field Entopic Phenomena (White blood cells visible against blue sky)

-Visual Snow 

-Trails on lights in dark. Especially RED

-Random lines at night

-Scintillating multi colored patterns in white walls in certain lighting (like a line of tie die through my vision that kinda morphs around)

-Outlines, "Auras" around people/objects against light backgrounds (re appeared after further drug use, disappeared for a while)

-VERY slight Depersonalization, derealization. (rarely)

-Anxiety

-Panic Attacks (Rare)

-Slight after images. Pressing on my eye, stare at the tv screen, etc. (Can get images out of them if i'm super anxious, very rare though) 

Well, those sound HPPD-like, at least, but it would all depend on the severity. I mean, everybody has after-images to some degree (healthy persons included). BFEP is also completely natural.

That being said, it does sound like mild HPPD to me.

The fact that your symptoms are only seen in certain lighting and that they are strongly anxiety dependent does muddle the picture somewhat. I think that everybody sees colours and patterns in the dark. I know that I always did, long before using drugs. If you hyper-focus on that it can become quite pronounced.

My conclusion would be; It may be HPPD, but in that case it is mild. It sounds like anxiety is your biggest problem!

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My biggest concern is that this could be something else life threatening. Which I guess is also another typical sign of Anxiety. 

I also believe that the anxiety could be my biggest issue here. 

 

I find it weird that I never took LSD, and experienced such a late on set of my symptoms after only mdma use. 

I haven't really been able to find a similar story on the boards? Although I do understand that HPPD seems to vary a lot. 

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I find it weird that I never took LSD, and experienced such a late on set of my symptoms after only mdma use. 

I haven't really been able to find a similar story on the boards? 

 

There are few reports from only MDMA or Cannabis use. Most get it from LSD/shrooms/DMT, e.g. hallucinogens.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey brother I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that you don't have hppd. The bad news is you more than likely have anxiety and this is a total other beast.

Ive been through anxiety and know a whole bunch of people who have your exact same symptoms and haven't touched drugs. I myself only smoked pot and.got wasted and after a wicked panic attack, bfep, visual snow, trails, halo, bad derealization, depersonalization, all hit me about 1 month after.

It's usual normal phenomenon that our brain filters out but because your so anxieted out you think it's Mich worse when in reality its not that bad.

Ask your college buddies like I did if they can see halos and aurus on lamps at night time or during the day, 80% of my buddies said yea I see it soooo what. Same with visual snow, ask if they see like colored static at nighttime, I even know a few who experienced bfep since little.

You'll be alright for the time being if it gets out of hand take a new.age ssri, lexapro helps out a lot and see if you can break the cycle of anxiety. Don't rely to much on.the ssri but teach yourself to chill when on.it and get off because that shits bad in the long run. If your thinking about taking.benzos, don't or if.you do don't take more than one every 4/5 days.

Cheers boss, let me know if I could help in.any other way

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Hey brother I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that you don't have hppd. The bad news is you more than likely have anxiety and this is a total other beast.

Ive been through anxiety and know a whole bunch of people who have your exact same symptoms and haven't touched drugs. I myself only smoked pot and.got wasted and after a wicked panic attack, bfep, visual snow, trails, halo, bad derealization, depersonalization, all hit me about 1 month after.

It's usual normal phenomenon that our brain filters out but because your so anxieted out you think it's Mich worse when in reality its not that bad.

Ask your college buddies like I did if they can see halos and aurus on lamps at night time or during the day, 80% of my buddies said yea I see it soooo what. Same with visual snow, ask if they see like colored static at nighttime, I even know a few who experienced bfep since little.

You'll be alright for the time being if it gets out of hand take a new.age ssri, lexapro helps out a lot and see if you can break the cycle of anxiety. Don't rely to much on.the ssri but teach yourself to chill when on.it and get off because that shits bad in the long run. If your thinking about taking.benzos, don't or if.you do don't take more than one every 4/5 days.

Cheers boss, let me know if I could help in.any other way

 

Thanks for the input! 

 

What your saying does seem relate exactly to what I have got going on. I have always considered the thought of what if I was simply attributing something to the drugs that could just be a more natural effect, or maybe a small combination of both. 

 

A question I'd have for you is how long did you go through all of your symptoms after the one panic attack? & how did that experience compare to other people you knew? Mine all started after on hardcore panic attack as well, and then I believe my drug use after that might have only worsened my anxiety then worsening the symptoms. Breaking the cycle of anxiety seems to be my issue at this point. Of course all my symptoms can really trigger my anxiety, and visa versa I guess. 

 

Asking around to my friend might be a good Idea, to be honest those I just don't want it to be to put out there what I got goin on with myself. 

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  • 2 months later...

By the way im Ferrari0909 just my account got deleted so I made a new one


 


To compare my experience to yours: 


 


I smoked and had a bad trip on some ganja and after that couldn't smoke weed anymore without having panic attacks. Then about 9 months after this happened I also randomly had a huge panic attack as I was studying for finals.


 


About a month after this I started to develop everything I've written above. I still have all those symptoms to the same extent. I've seen a few psychiatrists/psychologists and asked them if I had HPPD and all of them said "no I think you have anxiety". 


 


So I saw a neurologist, who said I was normal, eye doctorS (plural cause I saw 4) and all of them said my eyes look completely healthy. 


 


As for bfep (silver nats in my vision) I have to say its the most annoying symptom but I have to remind you that I recently just got a gf, and she has never done any drugs and she sees this in her vision all the time. Also, her friend who has never done any drugs, sees halo's at night around lights, people etc and she says she developed this after needed to go get eye glasses.


 


I also have to wear glasses (-1.50, -1.25) so maybe this has to play a factor in it, they say if you are near-sighted you end with one or more of these annoying symptoms. 


 


How long did I go through all of your symtoms? I still have all the vision symptoms but they don't seem to bother me as much once I know their anxiety. I believe a therapist would help you as it is helping me. And I understand you don't want it to be put out there without people knowing, but if it bothers you that much just casually bring it up. 


 


Like I tell them I see it SOMETIMES not all the time, but I do get the occasional wierd look and people thinking I'm crazy. Let me know how your doing.

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      I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily  activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. 
      Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are  hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. 
      Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. 
      My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures.
      Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. 
      Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. 
       
      Marco S. 
       
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