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Regarding drug use.


SnuffoSoffi
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Backstory:

I got HPPD over half a year ago when I started abusing psychedelics. After realizing it's the absolutely most stupid **** I have ever done, I swore that I would stop the drug use and get rid of my HPPD.

So I went for 2 months without doing any drugs at all.. the thing was.. the symptoms didn't improve.. one bit. I was still severely depressed and life was really, REALLY boring, I always felt "Left out" because while my other friends were getting Drunk/High, having the time of their lives, I was just sitting there alone and depressed. I couldn't even go out for a cigarette with someone if they asked. And those are just the recreational drugs.
I couldn't take antidepressants to help with my depression and anxiety problems, nor caffeine to help me in the morning,  the doctors obviously didn't know what they were dealing with, and many sources on the internet contradict each other, some say drugs are fine to consume without any larger consequences, some say only some drugs make it worse, while others say ALL drugs should be avoided. Information CHAOS.

The drop was when the symptoms started to get worse once I got tired, stressed or anxious even beyond what alcohol or cannabis did to it.
After that I just said "**** it." and went out to toke with my friends like good old times, and I had a great time, the symptoms got worse but I didn't even care. Thing was a couple of days later everything went back to normal, since then I started to enjoy life again, cured most of my depression and anxiety problems, cured an old psychosis I didn't even notice I had until I toked, confidence raised and all parts of my life's seem to be coming together. all except one, you guessed it; HPPD.

Now I am trying to see if I should reconsider my new lifestyle and try to fight the HPPD, because all this seems like borrowed time, feeling good now to feel bad later once my youth is over and my life doesn't revolve around getting high and drunk all the time, left with a curse that could very well be lifelong.

Situation:

I am looking for a strategy and I got 3 plans but they are missing some facts:

1. Better safe than sorry.
Tactic: Stop all drug use to have a chance of curing HPPD.
Pros: Best chance of recovery.
Cons: Lowered life quality.
Supportive facts: Drugs increase symptoms.

2. Life is now, enjoy it.
Tactic: Continue drug use by accepting that you will probably have HPPD for your entire life, and in a best case scenario hope that science will understand more about the subject in the future, and maybe even give treatment to it.
Pros: Overall happiness.
Cons: Could be HPPD suicide.
Supportive facts: It's not just drugs that increase HPPD symptoms, swearing off drugs doesn't guarantee any improvement at all.

3. Use don't abuse.
Tactic: Middle of the road, use drugs only occasionally; I.E Alcohol/Cannabis once a month or less, 1 Cigarette once a week or less, Caffeine when needed, Antidepressants if needed.
Pros: Most of the void filled, free to experiment with both what could make me happy and how HPPD works.
Cons: Could still be HPPD suicide.
Supportive facts: Drugs effects on the body take longer to disappear the more you consume it, with responsible use you hopefully at worst only delay the HPPD recovery but don't prevent it.

Help me choose, anyone have any interesting experience with drugs when it comes to HPPD?
Anyone have any interesting theories about HPPD that would make this whole thing clearer?
Or do anyone have any interesting philosophy about the whole thing?

Anti-hate measure:
If you completely disagree with me not being able to choose because one of the alternatives is in your opinion obviously the only "Sane" choice. (Especially number 1) Then tell me WHY. Insults and destructive criticism only serves to create chaos on this already lightly understood subject.
I KNOW there are people out here suffering far more than I am and here I am thinking of doing drugs in all this, but fact is that I also have my own problems, and I'm not gonna stop improving my life until I'm dead, because then I don't have a life left to improve.

Sincerely, quickly created account made by anonymous HPPD sufferer.

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I`d say pick #3 but be very conservative with it. Like try to quit coffee and cigarettes completely if you can. If you need some caffeine drink green and white tea instead. Don`t smoke weed since it increases your visuals long term and short term. Try cbd oil instead. Drink only on special occasions with family and friends like on New Years, weddings, holidays, etc. Don`t drink to get hammered.

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Drinking a cup of coffee or smoking cigarettes should be fine as long as you enjoy it. I dont think there's any risk of a little caffeine or nicotine causing any permanent worsening. Same goes for alcohol; it probably won't harm you in the long run, HPPD-wise.

As for cannabis, MDMA and other recreational drugs; I'd steer clear!

 

Personally I do not drink coffee (it is too anxiogenic for me now, I used to drink lots of it) but I do smoke tobacco (cigarettes and pipe) everyday without any problem whatsoever.

 

I have had a couple of beers on occasion, and it was fine. I was a bit anxious the next day, but nothing major. I didn't enjoy it quite like I used to, though - but you might

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I would stay away from stronger drugs but with pot you´ll have to see for yourself if it makes you worse. I hardly smoked when HPPD and I did´nt notice much. One beer or two can take of the worst edge of the pain but it´s not a solution to drink a lot.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'll tell you about my experience with taking drugs and having HPPD and let you decide 

 

I got HPPD coming up to 7 years ago. I like you tried to stop my drug use but thought stuff it as I didn't seem to see much improvement and didn't feel a huge increase in symptoms just getting on it every couple of months and drinking on the weekends. This began to get worse and eventually it was ecstasy, speed or what ever stimulant I could find every weekend if not every friday and saturday night and smoking weed 3 to 4 times a week. I remember at my worst I had been to the movies one weekend and the next week I couldn't remember being there as I was so fried. I cut it out heaps and went back to just taking drugs every couple of months sometimes trying to quit for about 3 months then thinking fuck it can't feel any thing I'll just have a couple of lines this weekend.

 

I have now been clean for 10 months, the longest time since I got HPPD.  I have only just started to feel my brain clearing up as I've given it a decent chance to repair its self. I'm optimistic that it will go away in a couple of years but I still know there's a good chance I'm stuck with it for life. If you do chose to keep using drugs watch you symptoms more then what I did and be really careful. 

Best of luck man!

 

P.S I still drink coffee and alcohol in moderation. As you said whats the point in living if you don't enjoy it

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I was an avid drug user for 3-4 years after  I saw the first signs of HPPD, and we're talking weekly or semi-weekly use of psychedelics. My HPPD developed pretty slowly during this period, but it progressed steadily. No single drug experience has ever dramatically aggravated my HPPD the way it does for some people, though some have made more of a 'dent' in my mental health than others. If my experience is anything to go by, I'd say; stay away from phenethylamine psychedelics at all costs (2C-x, NBOMe and DOx drugs) and probably MDMA and other empathogens as well. 

 

Personally, I never felt that the simple (as opposed to LSD) tryptamines did much damage. In the periods where I did mainly mushrooms (psilocin/4-HO-DMT) and 4-HO-MiPT, my HPPD didn't worsen much, if at all. I know that some have gotten HPPD from mushrooms, though.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think you probably need to find something else to provide you with happiness other than drug use.  Your entire hypothesis hinges on that idea.  Not trying to judge you- just wanted to point that out.  Getting f-ed up is a bad foundation to build your life on.  Trust me I know.

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I took a few hits of weed a month after my hppd kicked. It was a mild hppd not so extreme as other people on the forum have it, Ive only tripped two times and the first time it wasnt even enough to make me have visual effects. The second time bad trip. boom hppd I also kept smoking a little at first but I noticed it made everything just so much worse so I quit everything, even coffe(coffee made me see thing go all fast like on extasy or something).Well after a month it got slightly better and I wanted to see what weed would do to me.. Really bad panic attack. I was so freaked out I didnt even notice my hppd. Now I can say I have recovered to 95 % I only get the visuals if I remeber them or loock for them, the anxiety went away thanks to akkupunture. I just feel you know like as if I woke up from a coma. Its like I want my social skills back and all the time ive lost smoking pot in my room. And I know I will and you guys can to never give up! And I hope when this is like reaaaaally in the past like in 6 years of no hppd symptom all happy and new life and stuff, I wonder if it would kick in again if I hit a spliff in a mellow happy and funny surrounding. Because comon who does not miss the feeling of being high with your buddy! But I believe no one wants to be the 24/7 stoner anymore ;) Sadly I dont think nobody who has been recovered for a few years is gonna be here on this forum :P 

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 Sadly I dont think nobody who has been recovered for a few years is gonna be here on this forum :P

"Recovered" here for about 25 years now. This started in 1989 for me and lasted about a year, maybe a year and a half total. I smoked a bit during then and once my HPPD was what I would consider cured my smoking slowly started back up again. Quit everything else other than the occasional drink though. Initially weed sent my HPPD into overdrive but after time that went away. "Your mileage may vary" as they say.

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just go with what feels right i guess, i still use drugs and find i know what does and doesnt sit well with me, alot of/ most people on here say mdma makes it worse, but for me thats just not true. i wouldnt recommend going all out though, not just for the sake of your hppd but also because its stupid haha

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Sob! Nice to hear that! I really dont know if smoking weed is gonna make things worse for me, I actully thinking its all mental, when I forget about it I dont see or feel weird at all. But I kinda can open it up in my mind and then I just feel weird. And I dream a lot about weed and in my dreams its allways nice to be high but I just have this ptsd because smoking while my bad trip really wasnt cool haha I hope I can smoke someday again :)

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just go with what feels right i guess, i still use drugs and find i know what does and doesnt sit well with me, alot of/ most people on here say mdma makes it worse, but for me thats just not true. i wouldnt recommend going all out though, not just for the sake of your hppd but also because its stupid haha

I took a very small, small dose of molly at the last show I went to. I try to limit myself to a few beers and weed. Ironically the only problems I have after all that is an increase in my tinnitus as the show got very loud. In fact that night I felt fantastic. Unfortunately a speaker I was standing near shot some loud guitar feedback directly into my brain via my ear canal. It's been two days. Hopefully it goes away, as its a little more annoying now. Still, bearable. I generally tell people that I would never touch psychedelics again. And that much is mostly true. But it's not every day someone carries around extremely pure low doses of MDMA in their pocket. So I decided, given the circumstances I would indulge. Probably won't again. Just a nice break from having to militantly swear everything off. 

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no but i wouldn't dare! i know that anxiety is half my problem, and just the thought of taking a hallucinogenic makes my heart feel like its trying to jump out of me haha 

 

MDMA has hallucinogen properties. 

 

You're back here after some of your symptoms returned. You really think use of drugs has nothing to do with that?

 

Just stay away from all drugs. It's the ONLY sensible choice.

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MDMA has hallucinogen properties. 

 

You're back here after some of your symptoms returned. You really think use of drugs has nothing to do with that?

 

Just stay away from all drugs. It's the ONLY sensible choice.

I'm inclined to agree.

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i know i seem like and idiot, but the last time i took mdma was about 2 months before my symptoms returning, which returned after drinking too much wine (i usually drink lager) because it was a work do, there was no beer there and i apparently make the bad decision to drink more wine after ive had a little haha. i know what you mean but when i said 'i still use drugs' i think i gave the impression of me still regularly gettin proper mashed on mandy haha thats definately NOT the case. my point was that what is the case for one isnt always the case for another!

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I took a very small, small dose of molly at the last show I went to. I try to limit myself to a few beers and weed. Ironically the only problems I have after all that is an increase in my tinnitus as the show got very loud. In fact that night I felt fantastic. Unfortunately a speaker I was standing near shot some loud guitar feedback directly into my brain via my ear canal. It's been two days. Hopefully it goes away, as its a little more annoying now. Still, bearable. I generally tell people that I would never touch psychedelics again. And that much is mostly true. But it's not every day someone carries around extremely pure low doses of MDMA in their pocket. So I decided, given the circumstances I would indulge. Probably won't again. Just a nice break from having to militantly swear everything off. 

 

^an example of what i mean right there. if i were to smoke weed now i KNOW it would send me over the edge

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Personally none of those options seem like a viable solution. Deciding whether or not to smoke pot should involve why you smoke it in the first place. I think it's fine if you only smoke for recreational purposes but if you smoke it all day everyday like me to escape from a bad reality that's a much bigger problem. The solution is to fix your routine where you should hopefully be happier and perhaps too busy to smoke pot whenever the occasion arose. I cannot seem to get by with just minor changes to my routine which is why I decided to completely uproot myself and go to school to help me really change my routine. Maybe you could get by with just either a better job or a girlfriend if your HPPD doesn't get in the way.

 

Whether or not your HPPD will go away after you stop is hard to say for certain but if you do change your routine enough the HPPD should hardly be noticeable or at least no longer being the most important thing on your mind.

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I don't think any question should be out of bounds on here..... We are all here because the allure of drugs was strong and I'm sure that more than a small minority of us are still fascinated by the idea of taking more.

 

Now, the overwhelming response will always be a huge NO.... It makes sense, we are also here because we are ill because of drugs. But taking drugs post-hppd is not a simple yes or no. It should be, but it isn't.

 

We all have moments of weakness, maybe a few too many beers, or the right party with the right people. A line is put in front of you and bang, you've just snorted it up without consequence.

 

I've been guilty of taking lsd, MDMA, coke, opiates, salvia, ketamine and various other thing, post-hppd (not to mention my favourite friend, the brandy bottle).... Not because I am stupid (open to debate), but weak. I don't beat myself up though. Shit happens.

 

Anyway, of all the things I have taken, post hppd... The one that has little affect on my illness is coke... that is not a reason to go and do it, you might be very different to me, it could send you over the edge or could be cut with anything. The drug that made me a lot worse, post hppd... MDMA, pure evil for us. Stay away at all costs.

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