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Stressing - Crazy DP/DR and Conflict in my life!


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Just want to blow off some steam can't wrap my mind around what is going on to me.


Alright so a little history about me. I am on probation 1 for a DWI at the end of 2012 which was suppose to end next month on the 8th. I am also on probation for possession of 13 pounds of marijuana for 10 years and it is a defer probation which basically means you are guilty but you can get it off your record; you also can get off of this kind of probation when you have served a 1/3 of the time and have all your fines paid off, which amount to 15k, but this is up to the judge; also it is the worst kind of probation to get in any trouble on. I have been serving my possession of marijuana charge for about a year too. So with my HPPD I got a ton of other crap going on and add in the fact I have a son, I am young myself and am behind child support due to me screwing up pretty hard the past few years.


Well the other day, Saturday to be precise, it was my buddies bachelor party so we went out, a total of 7 of us, what a big mistake. So we go to a strip joint and a few bars right, well the last place we went to was a bar and it just happened that a dude that one of my buddy doesn't get along with was there, but my buddy was good he didn't want no trouble, hell we was having fun. Well this dude decides to try to fight my buddy so we head outside. This guy swings at my buddy, my buddy grabs his arm in midair and pushes him back and lets him know hey we aren't trying to fight watch out. We go back in the bar. 5 minutes later we try to leave thinking those guys were gone, we was wrong as hell they were waiting on the side of the building right, at least 12 of them but I think 14 to 16 is more accurate. At this time there are only 5 of us. Well that same dude was running his mouth at another buddy of mine and got in my buddies face but this guy you don't mess with right, so my buddy gives it to him like there is no tomorrow, he has the guy on the floor knocking on his front door. Well all this dudes friends decide to jump in so wth can we do, we jump in too can't let your friend get jumped in my book. Well I ended up fighting with 3 mexican guys, I get one real good, I tap the other one, the third one.....hits me in the face with a beer bottle 3 times. He breaks my nose the first hit, I try to recover and continue fighting but then he hits me in the nose yet again and then I try to cover my nose, hell at this point I am getting tired of getting hit in the nose, this is my second time in my life getting a bottle smashed over my nose and breaking it. So I'm kind of in a daze and I am still up right, so he tries to finish me and hits me in the head with it on the left side by my ear, they don't ever take me down, don't make me say ouch or nothing, infact I am cussing this bastard out. Well the cops come and the ended up arresting 21 of us, some females too, a few people get away. We get charged with a P.I.


Ok it is just a P.I. right? I sit in jail a day and a half and get out. Well at this point I am just hoping none of my 3 p.os. find out. Yest 3 I got arrested in 2 different counties not close to me so 2 p.os. there and then the one I got transferred to. Well Thursday this week comes around unfortunately and I call my p.o. to cancel the appointment because I don't want her to see my face right, I am trying to be a slick rick. Well she knows, she asked me what happened right, so she makes me call my other 2 p.os. that are in a different county. My one p.o. here in Collin County, Tx she is cool, she has to do her job and I understand that, so she has to tell her upper whoever that is, superviser or whatever, and they are going to revoke my probation. A warrant will be issued next week and I will probably be arrested next month but possibly next week Tuesday because that is when I see my p.o. here in Garland. Hopefully the warrant isn't issued by Tuesday. Now this is my DWI probation, I don't expect much jail time but at the same time I expect the worse, anywhere from 3 days to 3 months is a possibility and I don't know if they will give me more probation time on this or how it will work. Collin County is the worse when it comes to anything to do with alcohol so it worries me a lot but not as much as my other probation.


Ok now my probation that I got in Brownsville, TX near Mexico. This was dumb I shouldn't even been there for the marijuana I am white and stick out like a sore thumb down there. But anyways, my p.o. down there is a B. I have only talked to her 3 times total and I hope this is the last time I talk to her, I won't go into details how she is a B but take my word someone needs to give her the D pronto. Well she is threatening to revoke my probation and telling me I am wasting her time and I need to get a good lawyer that I am going to be spending a lot of time in jail. See it is a defer probation which means if you get in trouble you got to serve out the remaining time of your probation in jail. Now I don't know if a P.I. qualifies me for this harsh punishment but this lady sure the hell thinks so. Now ultimately it is up to the judge but down there they like to make examples of white people and people from Dallas so who knows. Hopefully she was just talking shit but I am expecting anything from 3 weeks to 9 years down there. So this blows.


This is stressing me out so much, I messed up pretty bad the past few years but you know I ain't a bad person. I opened doors for not just ladies but everyone, I say thank you, yes ma'am, yes sir, I help people the best I can etc. etc. I just happened to get mixed up in the wrong thing with the wrong people and I understand I got to pay for the crime but man I need help more than anything not to be thrown in jail. Between the countless drugs and alcohol I have had I can hardly think straight anymore my decision making has gone out the window. It hasn't going to the point where I steal or hurt anyone, it is just I do things I normally wouldn't do like get involved with drugs and going to bars(I use to drink at home only.) This blows I am so far behind everything, it seems impossible to catch up and this just makes me want to forget about it which leads me to doing the crap I have been doing for 3 or so years.


Well all this is making my DP/DR go crazy. Not only do I feel extra day dreaming, I have this conflicting thing going on with my DP/DR where reality is hitting me real hard. So I just feel like nothing is real and at the same time reality is attacking me. My vision is so crazy objects are more animated than usual and overly real looking. My mind is telling me to wake up you are dreaming and it doesn't even feel like I am looking with my eyes, it literally feels like I am looking with my brain and it is giving me a headache. This really sucks.


Well if they try to give me years in jail I need one of you UK folks to pick me up from the airport and help me get a job and a place to crash until I can get on my feet financially. Lol you bet your hat I will bond out and get the hell up out of here. UK is somewhere I always wanted to go and if I have to leave this life behind me I will, besides my son. Lol got damn what a mess.


Well thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this. I haven't ran through it so a lot of stuff is probably spelled wrong, I feel very confused right now, so if something doesn't make sense use your imagination and make your own sentence lol.


Thank you,


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