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Relationships and hppd


Kellen
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Gf and I broke up today. It's been such a whirlwind I'm just catching my breath now.

Who on this board is in a relationship? How can it work? When she met me I was a different person. In a lot of ways I'm a better person than the alcoholic party boy I was back then.

I wish I could be stronger for her. But it's done. I love her but I have to accept it.

Anyone else go through this while dealing with hppd dpdr?

Are we destined to be alone?

Breaking up is hard as it is but with this added twist I don't know how I'm going to cope

Any advice is much appreciated

Ps

We live together and will be until she can find a place in a couple months. And no it can't be worked out.

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....

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i was engaged 6 years ago... during the height of the worst of my hppd issues... she never knew, but im sure it impacted our relationship still. in the end it wasnt my issues that broke us up, it was her being a cheating bitch. while i was preparing to ditch everything in my life to move 8 states away to live with her (she was an air force staff instructor and subject to frequent moving)...she was screwing around with some guy who had no idea she was getting married in a few months. i found out thanks to her forgetting one day to log off of aim while i was by her place and she was at work. can tell yourself you wouldnt read someones ims all you want but when one comes over saying "hey baby how's your vacation going. I cant wait until you get home and i can be inside you again" ... even from a room away your eyes would see that shit :\

 

since then i havent been able to bring myself to put myself through a relationship again. between her, and my ever increasing lack of ability to trust anyone anywhere with anything.... loneliness for me..

 

at least my earlier years had their more than fair enough share of relationships .. not missing it too too terribly, or maybe im just still lying to myself after all this time

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I was in a 5 year relationship with a girl with her own issues.  It ended and she moved out of state.  Honestly my HPPD hasn't really effected my relationships too much.  Girls I've been with were either supportive or didn't really seem to understand it and sort of left me to deal with it on my own.  I dated a girl for about 6 months recently and broke it off.  None of it had to do with the HPPD.

 

I have to admit... I'm looking for someone.  I think it's the age that I'm at that "nesting syndrome" or whatever is kicking in.  I feel pretty lonely sometimes.  I do better in the more stable environment of a relationship than not in one, for the most part.

 

Sorry for your troubles, Kellen.  Heartbreak is a horrible thing to deal with.  Especially when you're dealing with so much on a daily basis already.  Try and keep your head up man.  This too shall pass.

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Prior to developing HPPD I was in an emotionally exhausting relationship with a guy who was coming out of some pretty serious drug-induced mental health problems - it was my first "serious" relationship and despite having such an awful time of it I somehow I felt obliged to let him lean on me with all of his problems, that it'd be weak and selfish of me not too. After a year of it I was drained of so much of my former enthusiasm for other people and for living - I fucked up a pretty pristine school record and wound up consulting a doctor and psychologist for depression and anxiety - ultimately I was driven to use drugs as an escape, and lo-and-behold here I am. I can't really say what would've happened had I not been with him, but to be in a destructive relationship when you're so young and life's already so crazy it's hard not to say it definitely messed me around pretty severely and put me on a path less positive than what it could've been.

 

So, whilst a couple of guys have shown interest in me since and if I put a little effort into getting myself more in step with how most people run their lives I'd likely be able to land a relationship, I can't help feeling that I'll be a burden on the other guy, and given my experience I can't stand the idea of putting someone through something similar. People should get equal emotional support out of a relationship and I'm just not capable of providing that at the moment, unfortunately.

 

Then again, I don't know entirely. If I met a guy who I really clicked with who was going through something as unpleasant as HPPD maybe we'd be able to support one another and grow from the positivity that comes with a relationship, and get through our issues together. But I'd hate for the little energy and enthusiasm I have to be stretched between trying to sort my issues out and also dealing with a relationship with another mentally-compromised person.

 

All in good time. (One good thing about being gay is that it's ridiculously easy to get a hook up if I get the urge and can't otherwise satiate it, but it doesn't much, hah.)

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People should get equal emotional support out of a relationship and I'm just not capable of providing that at the moment, unfortunately.

Couldn't have put it in better words myself. That's the exact reason why I'm not interested in a relationship.

There have been enough who showed interest in me, even post-HPPD, yet I have my reservations so I choose to avoid.

As for relationship advice Kellen: can't help you there.. my last didn't end that smooth either. Wait.. actually it sounds quite familiar to your situation apart from a few things.

IME the longer you are in essence forced to be with that person after breaking up, the harder it is to keep things respectful, and the more regret builds up. Though my situation was slightly different, as I was kicked out of her home abruptly. It looked quite similar to what I'd seen in TV-shows: my stuff was thrown on the dock and everything. Looking back though.. Yeah I can't remember most of it so I have no conclusive retrospect, yet I guess it was kind of doomed to fail from the start. If anything; I had fun in a way, despite some ignorance on my part. Wish I'd done some things differently though, but hey I'll just keep that in mind for any relationships I might have in the future.

So yeah.. try to help her find a place to stay a.s.a.p. mate. It'll spare you both a lot of stress.

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