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Well, I'm back under a new guise. I couldn't remember my passwords emails from the last time I was on plus the security is like hacking into the pentagon (not that I've tried). So thought I'd go onto tour of duty phase 4! Defcon 10! Just checking if any new wonder drugs are out there cos unfortunately I'm still fucked. and systematically near destroyed my life in the last 8 months. :/ all due pretty much to alcohol and my good friend hppd. On the plus side allthough I've receded a bit and went a bit more grey I'm not a physical omni-shambles as of yet. Good to be back (kinda).

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Ha. Musta been someone else. My particular monkey hangs around. Lol. If only though. Nah, I just went off the radar n tried to be in mega denial with some varying degrees of success. helped by exercise, clono, alcohol and as I said downright denial. My life's been turned upside down n not in a particularly good way (allthough as we are altered perceivers who knows how it will pan out). Anyways, how's you?

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It's quite funny though your account of 'getting rid' of my hppd. Like I just swept it under the carpet n forgot about it lol. it's still been there forcing me down seedy side streets and whispering sweet nothing's in my ear. :) in a kinda perverse way I'm kinda getting used to it. allthough not made peace with it as such. I still attempt to bitch slap it on a daily basis. Just trying to get to a 'you stay on your side of the street, and il stay on mines' kinda point if that makes sense.

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In a pure hppd sense chris my symptoms have pretty much stayed consistent to before. I've had no real triggers to exacerbate it. And still poppin me Prozac n clonos. Allthough my alcohol abuse has taken me down some mental roads. If I can stop drinking (big if given the self med factors) then I may live a near 50% normal life lol.

Here's what's been going down.

Got a 12 month probationary final written warning at work for coming in drunk and full of clono (and a line of MDMA...stupid cunt).aFter chrimbo work night out though.stopped drinking at 6am n tried to start at 8am. I ended up going home in seone else's jeans that were two sizes to small for me. Got off with a sacking for blaming it on Seasonal Affective Disorder (could hardly mention HPPD lol)

Got done for assault for spitting on a bouncer (so it kinda shouldn't count ;)) while gassed and full of clono. 300 quid fine.

Packed flat in cos I can't afford it (got till the 22nd)

And the piece de resistance: I've been suspended from work pending investigation (and inevitable sacking given the probation thing), cos I 'dozed off' on poolside ( I'm a lifegaurd, the irony eh). It's bollocks though cos I just had major toothache n the pain was makin me wince. N they jumped on it. So I'm fucked. So this next month or two will test my nervous system n hppd pretty resolutely I reckon.

What about you man. On any decent meds?

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