I have completely lost hope. I have HPPD with Visual Snow DR / DP and severe depression.
I tried citalopram. Has worsened my HPPD.
I tried Abilify. Has worsened my HPPD.
What can i take What are your experiences?
And will it get better again or did the medication f*** me up?
Im 19yo, I developed hppd a year and a half ago and always checked this forum, but never had an account.
at the age of 12, I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression and since I was a kid I felt what we call dp/dr, visual snow and tinnitus. I used to treat anxiety taking sertraline, but stopped before drugs.
After starting smoking weed and doing some ecstasy, mdma, mda and cocaine accidentally (who gave it to me told it was mdma), I noticed a lot of worsening in my symptoms, I noticed that I had palinopsia too, I freaked out and got really bad, for like 9 or 10 months.
I did everything to get better (really everything). Took some benzos to chill out (Clonazepam, Alprazolam and Diazepam), did acupuncture (I think that helped), started eating better, exercise, treated my spirit with a sensitive woman, a lot of things.
Nowadays, I think my symptoms are like they were before drugs (?) but they definitely got better and some vanished, but now I know that I have palinopsia too.
I drink alcohol, I roll my own tobacco and sometimes take a good amount of xanax. None of these make me feel worse.
My question is, these days my anxiety is on maximum state, my doctor recommended me taking wellbutrin, because he knows I will never touch ssri's and I don't want to get addicted to benzo s, do you guys think taking it has a chance to bring back my old symptoms and worsen the ones that I already have?
ps. Once, when I was "recovered", I gave weed a try and it didn't increased my visuals symptoms in a way that I noticed, but gave me a trigger on my anxiety in the next days.
Thx and greetings from Brazil (Is my english that bad?)
I hope all of you guys recover from this thing that we suffer.
Hello All, My name is Allen. I've browsed this site randomly over the past couple years but was afraid share. I'm in my 30's and have had HPPD 2 for 18 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago after a seeing countless doctors through the years. Recently I found out my wife was pregnant and I became determined to find a treatment or, god willing, a cure. When I was in my mid teens I took lsd about 5 times and I was a chronic marijuana smoker. The last time I took lsd I smoked weed at the same time and I had the worst experience of my life: My heart began to race uncontrollably, my arms and face became numb; I saw long blury trails on everything and I felt hot and cold all at once. It was so intense that I thought for sure I was going to die. In desperation, I curled up in a ball on my couch, closed my eyes, and began to pray to god repeatedly to make it stop and let me live, until eventually I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and thanked god I was alive. I swore of lsd forever. Unfortunately that didn't stop me from trying to party with my friends as usual. Every time I smoked weed after that I would have severe panic attacks and almost black out. When I'd drink alcohol I felt like I had a lump in my throat and couldn't breathe. A couple weeks after that horrible trip I woke up to a dull version of the same type of visuals I had the night of my bad trip, I was petrified and began having random panic attacks. I finally told my mother what I did and what happened since and she took me to the doctor. The doctor swore it was depression with anxiety and completely dismissed any lsd involvement. She prescribed me Effexor and xanax. The effexor didn't help at all and it made my heart race. The symptoms were not going away. I was afraid I damaged my brain beyond repair. Shortly after I withdrew from school and became a hermit. The xanax helped a lot with anxiety but the visuals remained. Through the years I saw about a dozen different psychiatrists and none of them knew what was wrong with me and continued me on benzodiazepines and ssri's. I lost my insurance and couldn't afford all the doctor appointments and medicine, so I began getting zoloft and Vicodin off the streets to self medicate. Eventually the visuals became less intense and my panic attacks were less frequent. Although the visuals and anxiety are a part of my daily life, I still manage to function. Some days are worse than others but I forced myself back into society and I got a good job in construction, and married my girlfriend who has been with me through this whole experience. I got off the vicodin with suboxone and continued the zoloft. With the news of our first child, I found a new determination to get rid of this horrible disease for good. I told my doctor that I wanted to try anything we can to make this stop and she agreed to start prescribing me different medications to see what, if anything, will work. She prescribed clonidine last visit and I started it 6 days ago. Unfortunately it hasn't helped my visuals at all and last night I began having strange thoughts and seeing weird images when I closed my eyes. I'll keep everyone updated on how it goes. I'm really hopeful that something will get rid of this for good. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you.
P.s. I am thankful to whomever started and maintains this site. I hope we can get this horrible disease more attention and find a real treatment for it.
Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
Hi, I’m Natalie and this is my first post. I took mdma for the first time in May. Seriously. I took it once, and here I am.
June I couldn’t function. The derealization was constant. I was put on Zoloft. Things got worse.
Then Paxil in August. Only some improvement.
I can tell that I’m getting better, but now I’m on Trintellix, and once again, symptoms are getting worse.
I feel like the only time I feel normal is when I’m between SSRIs, but my doctor keeps telling me that’s in my head or whatever. But there seems to be a pattern here.
The derealization has improved significantly since June. But these SSRIs seem to make me more anxious and depressed. The only thing keeping me functioning is the klonopin. I don’t want to go against my doctor’s advice but I feel like I should stop the Trintellix.
I feel like the SSRIs are slowing my progress?
Any advice is greatly greatly appreciated.