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Well my dog's a f***ing idiot!


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Bleh, my dog was doing so well (being sober other than playing fetch with nicotine, alcohol and caffeine), finding various stacks and lifestyle choices that helped her get by (a lot better she said-but not at all cognitively where the furry thing wanted to be) before her long awaited psychiatric appointment next week.

So, my hound, she's called Fi-fi Rover, by the way, only went and met up with some old school friends.. didn't realise they had 5g of (high quality) mephedrone delivered to their veterinary hospital (my dog would like me to add it was very well sourced, and despite what one might associate with 'MCAT', my dog believes it's a lot safer than MDMA, though little scientific research has been done into it, and my dog would also like to add this was a more mellow buzz than feeling completely dog and boned). The young pup had a few free lines. Jolly good time she had. "F- it!" She was only young once she thought, and how she had been so focused and boring and not had that much fun for a while.

But of course, the long nosed barstard instinctively knew there would be consequences, so she waits for the storm after the calm. But she has an internal love for the vibe of the moment, the concentrated peak experience is what she desires, though, she knows she can never desire such things.

She contemplated and researched the specific poison before doing her doggy deeds in the morning, and most conveniently came up with some ridiculous justifications.. 'ahh maybe just getting some DA/5HT movement happening might encourage some long lasting positive effect' (wow, how bloody stupid!).. and, 'ah, well, even though a little pup like me speculates that low dopamine levels are the primary cause of my cognitive dysfunction.. woof, Fi-fi just decided that actually it's just the visuals that cause her dysfunction.. just need to remove them with some Keppra or summin' and I'll be able to do (a) shit, cause my dopamine's all fine'.

Needless to say, the dog feels utterly stupid. Taking her for walks might entail stormy weather.

So, I reiterate the importance of training your dog.

Well, Simic has something to say about the dog.


If you didn't see the six-legged dog,
It doesn't matter.
We did, and he mostly lay in the corner.
As for the extra legs,

One got used to them quickly
And thought of other things.
Like, what a cold, dark night
To be out at the fair.

Then the keeper threw a stick
And the dog went after it
On four legs, the other two flapping behind,
Which made one girl shriek with laughter.

She was drunk and so was the man
Who kept kissing her neck.
The dog got the stick and looked back at us.
And that was the whole show.

Stay healthy, unlike my dog.

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Don't worry, my dog hasn't always been as healthy either. After he acquired HPPD, the mut knew that from that point forward, doing drugs would be the stupidest thing to do.

However, the poor pup had some moments of "Well, I screwed up too bad anyway". My dog had two more experiences with XTC, a horrible experience with Amphetamines (despite of that, he used Amphetamines a few times after that), one weird night with Cocaine, and to top it all off he thought that maybe doing Tabernanthe Iboga would cure him of his troubles, and subsequently felt like he was dying.

Luckily, the doggy never really experienced any worsening of visual symptoms. The only lasting effect he has is more anxiety relating to that horrible experience with Amphetamines, and some flashbacks. Doggy had to learn the hard way, after learning the hard way. Yet I think the dog will get over that once things are sorted out with the vet, and I get him treated.

My dog suggests your dog forgives itself, and maintains motivated to reach its health goals.

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I've been there as well. Originally I only had visual snow and BFEP. I knew drugs had a role to play, and told myself I had to stop taking drugs completely to stop it from getting worse (although I didn't know what I do now as I didn't spent a great deal of time researching). However, I took MDMA a couple more times, as well as some other minor substances, and consequently I went from having 2 symptoms to a whole host of visual and non visual symptoms, making my HPPD ten times worse than it originally was. I don't have any 'what ifs' in my mind though, because as I say, what's done is done. If my granny had balls she would be my grandad! But that's not the way it works. I just take the positives from the situation (of which, there are a few) and move on.

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Yeah, with you guys, these things happen, and don't worry, dog not dwelling on it negatively, the opposite in fact. Could definitely have not done it if she really didn't want to... but she did want to.. was already so much sober love meeting up with some old old friends.. one knew the potential consequences of intoxication, but it was one of the best days of my (what happened to the dog?) life (for many reasons), so it was definitely worth it.

Thankfully I don't really have anxiety issues. At least for me they are rare and only in social situations. I tested how bad my visuals were last night.. probably the worst I've ever seen them ever actually. I did deliberately try and see how fooked I could make them. Dark room, looked up at my ceiling where I could faintly see the outlines of those xmas light type things I have draped across my ceiling. Looked at them shook my head viciously back and forth to induce some sort of a repetitive lag that would develop (based on the idea of cereberal dishibition and afterimages).. if that makes sense.

Shortly, the ceiling had a huge schole of black fish swimming all over the place. Then they started coming straight up to my face. I tried avoiding a few who came right up to my eye, but kind of laughed it out maintaining that I am just hallucinating so as not to have any anxiety at all. I rolled over and fell asleep straight away.
Visuals today in the day haven't really bothered me that much. Worse than usual, but then they have never been that bad anyway.. except only in the beginning stages a few years back when I first acquired HPPDiddle.

Functioned well today. I might put that down to my first trial with Piracetam and Magnesium supp. Probably also my seretonin/dopamine levels haven't swung quite down to the underworld yet. I like to think it's my positivity. Who knows?!

Anyway, stay well, as always!


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