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Do any of you with depersonalization feel like you cant speak? Almost like your choked up? I feel this and Im not sure whether this is because my own voice sounds strange to me and I avoid speaking, but this is stressful to me. I want to be calm and sociable again? Is this a common thing? Any advice?

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I have that problem, it really sucks. I feel so cognitively bad. I feel out of my body watching myself talking and that drives me crazy. I just want to come back to the real world. It's like I really need a bucket of water to my face.

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Hey bpl,
I have the same issue. Ever since HPPD my articulation is freaking horrible! I used to give 15 minute speaches 3 times a day before an audience of up to 30 people, and once a week before 200 people without any problems. I was always loud and clear, never even had the slightest anxiety whilst doing it. Nowadays when I buy tobacco, I ask for a "plack of smigarettes". It's like my mouth and tongue feel different, and my control of it is diminished. Everything is slurred.
Eventually I gave up trying to sound like I used to, and then I learned how to talk with my "new voice". Sure, I sound strange, but I'm audible. I think it's also anxiety-related though. Personally I hope this will ameliorate itself with Keppra, if I ever get the stuff. Also, seeing as forming thought becomes a strange task with HPPD, perhaps it is because of the lack of clarity with your "thought-voice". Visualizing what you are going to do and say becomes difficult and blurred, so the actual action inherits those qualities. For that same reason, I frequently spill a drink 'cause I take to big of a gulp. Getting off-topic though. Anecdotal evidence suggests Wellbutrin could help with speech. Good luck with it :)

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I actually find that kava helps with my dp and speech issues. I feel more calm and collected and can more easily gather my thoughts when I'm speaking like I used to. Thanks onedayillsailagain for turning me onto the kava again :) It has really helped me these past few days with my anxiety and dp. I no longer get head pressure from it.

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Area 45 receives more afferent connections from prefrontal cortex, the superior temporal gyrus, and the superior temporal sulcus, compared to area 44, which tends to receive more afferent connections from motor, somatosensory, and inferior parietal regions

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Broca's_area

 

Afferent connections from the PFC may be contributing to this, as there has been shown to be a measure of inhibition of non-visual cortical areas in HPPD.

The somatosensory link is obviously also of note.

PFC dysfunction (regardless the cause) would then be able to contribute to speech problems.

Anxiety and stress are detrimental to PFC functioning, so go figure :)

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Brain fog and DP/DR are close relatives..

I have ADHD and mild autism, motoric dysfunction and dysarthria http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysarthria.

 

But since I got HPPD and DP/DR I must say the speech problems got even worse.

Keppra has increased my ability to articulate words and form sentences a bit but the problems are not completely gone..

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    • By Derealized
      Hello everyone, in advance I wanna apologize for my non mother tounge English and for not really coming to an end with telling my story and maybe using the wrong tread for that post.
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      on New Years I took mdma and it was kind of weird because I needed nearly double the dose of my flatmate even though I didn’t consume it for 3 years in advance, everything felt fine and I felt happy as I always do on mdma. Next day was fine too, but that’s when I started questioning myself more and more, especially because I felt like nothing really had any effect on my mind or my body, like I was non existent. With that I’m talking about the not getting stoned anymore, being able to take very high mdma doses and just stopping to smoke cigarettes without really caring or feeling any withdrawal about it after smoking around twenty cigs for the past 8 years. I got really worried about myself even though I felt good in general, but somehow too good, like nothing really bothered me or could get close to me without the feeling of being depressed.
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    • By Allen85
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    • By J.L.
      Boy, have I had fun struggling to explain this over the years.
      Having read implications that people can naturally develop HPPD without the use of drugs, I feel brave enough to come out and propose...
      I believe I was born with HPPD.
      Yes, there are an endless amount of possibilities of what can happen to a child before their memory develops. The unknown aside, my mother swears upon her life that she was emotionally compelled to be clean during her pregnancy. She did however try recreational substances in the years before her pregnancy. That's all there really is to factor into the early development without getting into genetics. Fast forward to my mental awakening: My earliest memories go as far back as 2 years old, with a high amount of detail for a small handful of experiences. HPPD's visual snow began as early 3 years old, no sooner than 4.   I can't tell you anything else about my life with more certainty.  
       
      Staring at a moonlit ceiling while lying in my parents' bed, unable to sleep, I could conjure up the visual snow and follow it about for entertainment until dozing off. I distinctly remember it starting as a zebra-like puddle which grew in unnaturally rippling waves. I was obsessing over this nightly until it began to take color and move like a three-dimensional flock of birds descending from the gypsum ceiling to toil about as a flock of hundreds of birds would. (Side note: Growing up with white Gypsum walls/ceilings is a disastrous trap for obsessing and worsening the condition. In my worst episode, I was seeing morphing, endless crude depictions of the black plague in my gypsum-walled home, aprox 16 y/o.)
      Depersonalization symptoms set in around 4-6 years old, the beginning of which I described as having, "woken up for the first time;" but I was already awake. I asked my mother if she felt it, worried it was a natural phenomenon I'd just experienced. This took place on the usual morning drive to school.
      At around age 10 I 'lost control' due to obsessive habits mixed with social stress, and began to have increasing difficulty with reading. At the same time I developed a sensitivity to horizontal stripes of almost any two colors. They force a sensation of false-vertigo, nausea, anxiety/nervousness, poor sense of balance or the need to steady myself all with an alluring fixation on this rather distressing visual. It's taken a long, long time to learn to limit the amount of stress this causes to a manageable level. Object-specific color changes usually occur with a pearlescent effect, and are a rather relaxing replacement for the old habit of obsessing (wall staring). Strangely, I find both the visual snow and object specific color changes to be... slightly controllable during dawn and dusk. I can really only give it the last mental nudge to get started, but otherwise can't control the outcome. I can also intuitively fight the potential minor trigger sensation/stimulus in an effort to squelch micro-episodes. Sometimes it takes a bit more than just conscious ignorance, which I really cannot describe yet.  
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      It would be useful to note that I also went through roughly 10 years of chronic lyme disease, which definitely worsened my visual symptoms. I'm now 20 and going on a year and a half lyme-free (supposedly). My lyme treatments did not seem to have any particular effect on my HPPD besides the associated stresses of treatment. While moderately tamed down in severity, my visuals are still occurring daily. Experiencing my visual distortions is about as normal as breathing now, occurring or interacting with my daily life as subconscious thoughts do. I avoid recreational drugs adamantly as they can throw me far out of the balance required to keep my own peace.
      The medication combination I've found to help lessen my HPPD (prescribed for reasons other than HPPD) are Low Dose Naltrexone, Cymbalta and medicinal cannabis extracts. The LDN (Naltrexone) has been my only successful combatant against depersonalization, albeit a slow creep. 10mg Cymbalta once in the evening is just enough to help reduce possibly over-exciting stimuli from actually being too exciting. Yet, I still can't sleep in a dark room most nights. 
      In fact, my difficulty sleeping is what's driven me to write this introduction. I've been skipping stones on the issue all my life, but it's only been getting worse. I used to sleep with lights off as a teen no problem. Now I absolutely need a lamp in the corner of my room to be lit until sunrise. I'm in an odd pickle, since this situation leaves me seeing pockets of visual snow on a nightly basis when trying to sleep. If I try to sleep in darkness or near-darkness, the slightest flicker of visual snow explodes into momentary images or after images of rather terrifying things; usually large or distant faces of ambiguous or monstrous nature. Sometimes straight out of media, sometimes abominations of the imagination. I find these frightening because they occur like jump scares, when I least expect them and only for a nano-second. I'm not one to obsess over violent or scary things, instead I'm unsettled rather easily, so I prefer to avoid thinking on such things. Perhaps that practiced avoidance is what's nurturing this emerging issue. Anyways, therapy is not helpful for this, as the phenomenon doesn't seem to be entirely tied to my state of mind. Certainly provoked under stress, but definitely no recurring themes or obsessions which could fuel these more severe night-time hallucinations. 
      I've tried chopping this up to many other diagnosis by myself since my 20+ doctors over the years have never been able to guess at anything better than visual synesthesia or eye damage from frequent TV usage. Much of dealing with HPPD seems to be oriented around self-discovery rather than self-treatment, in my opinion. I'd love any feedback from others who believe themselves to have been dealt a similar hand in life, since we seem to be too few to notice or be noticed.
      ❤️ - J.L.
    • By Redrose23
      Hi, I'm 16 and 5 months ago I smoked weed for the first time, never have taken any sort of drug before that. I had a really bad trip, followed by panic attacks and heavy depersonalization/derealization. When I woke up the next day for the whole entire week it looked like everything was in fast forward. After that week the world started to look dreamlike out of nowhere and then I got used to the symptom (especially after I knew it couldn't hurt me) and it kinda went away, my dp/dr was going away too but I was still pretty anxious and shaken up by the whole experience. About 2 months ago I was walking down the street and my vision started focusing and unfocusing, and I was back in a dream state. I started experiencing all types of really scary visual symptoms like static, after-images, looking up in the sky and seeing all these little tiny white dots (SO MANY), vision skips, tunnel vision, flashing whenever I look at lights, I even have seen colors or glimmers on walls before. Objects have violently shaken up until I blinked, when I bite down on my nail everything goes up and down with it (it's really hard to explain) or when I chew the whole world shakes with every bite. I can't look up, down, then side to side or else my eyes feel so fucked. I have this head pressure 24/7, reading is hard as the letters shift every 10 seconds.  I am so so scared, I know you guys probably don't care but before this, I was a really good student, ran track, had plans of going to college and I can't even walk outside now without everything looking so fucking weird. I feel like I'm going crazy. Did I permanently fuck up my brain? Does this even sound like Hppd or something else? I have no one else to really talk to about this because no one else in my life understands, everyone I know just smokes weed and it perfectly fine, Please please if you have ANY advice or can relate to any of my symptoms I would really appreciate it.
    • By Victor666
      Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
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