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I'm only at home, forcing myself to get through the day. I've dropped out from school because of HPPD, since I can't even concentrate on reading a book. I'm pretty much just waiting for HPPD to go away so I can get my life back. :/

Im basically in the same boat as you, but I have been trying to get out more lately. Try doing something for someone else too. Ive found that doing this gives me a sense of purpose amidst this dark abyss that is hppd/dp/dr. I too dropped out. I think this was a mistake though. Isolation only makes me feel worse and I find that the less and less I speak to others, the more estranged I feel from the person I used to be. I feel for you. You are not alone.

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Personally I feel its a lot better to struggle through normal life with hppd than it is to sit back and and wait for it to pass. Its hard to do and I was definately tempted to just wait for it to pass but I think thats counter-productive and I'm glad that people on here gave me this advice when I was new.

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I think when you're first hit with HPPD it's totally understandable to give yourself a little "break"--to take time off, to be seen if you want to, to rest and eat well and do a bit of research and find support so that you can understand and get your feet underneath you.


After that, I think it's best to live!  If that means taking maybe one less class, do so.  That's perfectly understandable.  Take three classes a semester instead of four.  It will feel so good to stick in it, and use that extra time to do art, to take yoga classes, to be with friends, to work--don't  use it to sit around and feel sorry for yourself.  The more you disengage from your life--from the things you really, really want--the less your life is going to look and feel like your own.  If you have a college you love, and major/course you want to pursue, then by God do it!  And adapt a little bit for a while--as I mentioned, less classes, or maybe you sleep a bit more, or maybe you sober cab your friends for a while (they will love you for this.)  


I know the school stuff can be really, really tough, because you feel like so much "less."  But try putting those thoughts aside for a second and just trying. When reading, instead of panicking when you lose your place, just take a breath and try again.  Try easing back into things--maybe start small with one class somewhere while working.  You might be completely surprised with how well you do!  While I can feel a bit weird at times, I find that if I stop and take a breath, I can still complete an assignment beautifully.  The fact the I feel this way doesn't reflect in my work, and that grows my confidence.  We always think we're doing worse than we are.  


HPPD can be--and this sounds so odd-- a great chance to reevaluate.  When I was hit, I was working a job I hated, and supremely lonely, and in horrible living circumstances.  So when the HPPD came around, it completely floored me.  But after struggling for a while, I realized how good it still feels to live life.  Yes, I had to fake it for a long while--force myself out to do things, force myself to apply for things, force myself to be around friends.  But guess what?  Life has some good forward motion when you lean into it.  Suddenly things did start falling into place, and I found myself 'faking it' less.  While I still have HPPD, I also have an awesome life while the HPPD gets better (and it is/will get better).  But sitting at home is like sitting and staring at your broken leg while it heals.  Hey, it's going to take a while.  In the meantime grab some crutches and head out to your favorite bar/coffee shop/restaurant to see a friend.  Time will pass quicker, and sweeter, and other things will start to matter again.  

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Yeah I have to agree with Gobig. I kinda just brushed off the HPPD as soon as I got it by just doing things I was interested in and staying as comfortable and relaxed as I could. I really enjoy they way you look at things by the way because I totally feel the same way. HPPD is a gift and a curse.

i was doing a lot of shit I shouldnt have been doing before I got HPPD. HPPD made me stop.

Ive learned more since I got HPPD than I have in many years of my life.

I became interested with what drugs had made me uninterested in.

I traveled all over France for three months, and learned a good deal of the language.

Ive read about 20 books in the past 4 months.

Ive learned a lot about myself and my interests.

Ive made new friends, and bettered my relationships with old ones.

Ive become more independent and confident.


But most importantly Ive learned forgiveness, humility and to cherish all the wonderful things that are found in this world for pure and simple enjoyment.

Im talking about walks on a nice day, and listening to music on the bus as you watch all the people outisde the window.

Going new places, and meeting new people. Brushing off all the minute complications we as people seem to create.


Simply put I spend my days the way I want to spend them. The way that makes sense to me.

Now more than ever I think it is important that you do what is best for yourself.

This isnt about compromise, know that even with this you can have it all.

I think the most important thing to do is cut out whatever preconcieved notion you have of your ideal self.

It's about being the best you, you can be. Not the best you, you wish you were.

Seek comfort. Seek yourself, do what makes you feel good. Follow your interests, make healthy choices.

Thats all there is to it. Thats the cure.


This is how I spend my days.

And I feel great.

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I work 6 days a week 8 or sometimes 11 hours a day making fucking sausages (not the shitty kind, i'm talking about 90% meat and 25$ a kilo) or selling them :) and when i'm not working i play videogames, spend time with my girlfriend or i'm out drinking with my buddies. To sum it all up i keep my self occupied as much as i can so i think less of hppd.

So it's not impossible to do anything, my hppd is really bad like heavy visual snow, afterimages from hell and static objects float around however they please etc. The only symtoms i lack would be the psychosomatic ones such as dp/dr. I conquered that through cognitive behaviour therapy and physical activities.

Stay strong and virtual hugs to all of you.

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Great post, GoBigOrGoHome


That is my view too..... After a while, it is better to jump back into living again... When you do something that feels difficult or uncomfortable... the more you do it, the easier and more comfortable it becomes. You just have to train yourself to live again, with hppd.


My daily routine....


Get up, watch abit of tv... check my emails, news etc... work (from home, thank god!)... go out for a walk and decaf coffee... hit the gym.. occasionally go to my local bar... when i'm not working... play football, watch football, go out filming, go surfing, play guitar... go back to the local bar again!

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Im agree with gobigorgohome.
Maybe not all, but many (at least me) tried to replace with marijuana or (put your drug here) or some other substance to evade some shortcoming /problem. Yes, it can be really a recreational drug use (or maybe not), but for one reason or another we chose that and not "paragliding" for example.


The HPPD made ​​me realize that drugs its just a feeling, an emotion we are buying, rather than generate it ourselves, something that is much more difficult and not immediate. This system we live gives us all procesed, fast and easy, and it's a real adventure to get out of that scheme and build ourselves.


The only activity that has affected my hppd is the social life "at night". Even before the incident i had a tendency to lock me in my house and depresse me, something with I have to fight even more now. For the rest, the daily routine remains the same:  work in the morning, a short afternoon nap, gym, play a musical instrument, cooking and read before sleeping. Always if i can, i travel to any place far from the city, in touch with nature: D.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wake up
Shower etc
Watch tv series

^^^ been doing that for the past year or so. I really tried to keep life as normal as possible, but it wouldn't take hold. In the beginning I went running a lot, ate healthy. Hell I even tried going to school. Nothing ameliorated my situation so I slowly degraded to this rockbodem lifestyle.
Between waiting for doctor appointments, getting referred to another incompetent person, and the occasional "fine, I'll go see a friend", watching series just kind of numbs my brain far enough so it all seems bearable. Still awful, but bearable. I've been trying for months now to get ahold of Keppra, in my eyes my only possibility to get out of this mess. In the meantime I try endure the best I can. What a vegetable I have become.

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I think what you can do depends on your situation and individual circumstances. When my HPPD presented itself fully, it was much more than mere visual abnormalities - I was in a great deal of physical pain which meant that I had no choice but to drop out of university. For many, HPPD is much more than a visual perception disorder. For the first few months I felt like I had flu due to headaches, fatigue and and a feeling of not being with it - so it was difficult to do much. But this slowly resolved itself over a few months. But I also have had nerve pain since this all started which has not yet resolved. I would of course prefer that I did not have the visual abnormalities, but they are not a big problem for me - it is the non-visual stuff that significantly impacts my life.


For the past year I have been working full-time in a boring job, paying off some debts and buying myself some things that I couldn't previously. My nerve pain is pressure-induced and since I stand up all day in my job, there is no pain and so it is not an issue. But my nerve pain situation is now better - whether it has actually improved or whether I have just found ways to reduce its impact I am not sure. But I am now at a point that I feel that I can do something else with my life that has more meaning, and so in September I will study sciences for two years (whilst working part-time) before going back to university straight after that to study neuroscience (which I would never have become interested in had HPPD not entered my life). I hope before I go back to university that I will have improved further, allowing me to fully focus on my degree without distractions.

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  • 4 months later...

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