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Sometimes I'm almost able to enjoy HPPD


Puppeteer
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If I go out for a walk and forget about life and how HPPD's affected it and all the benefits of not having it, it can feel strangely pleasant. I guess it's similar to the enjoyment of weed or another drug; the feeling of being in a dream, with the world feeling and looking surreal as I almost float through it... It's meditative and calming, in a way, to just do my best to put aside all the stresses and regrets and just experience it for what it is. I don't think I'd be able to do this if Cymbalta hadn't so successfully deadened my anxiety, though.

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yea... very occasionally, things will come together and i can kind of enjoy it.... a nice sunny day, walking along the cliffs and away from the hustle and bustle... a bit like the old days, tripping

Do you get any side effects from Cymbalta?

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  • 3 weeks later...

What a load of horseshit.

Folks-hppd is no walk in the park and if you have it bad for years and years, you're either made if fucking titanium or your dead. If you even remotely enjoy hppd then your not tripping, you're fucking retarded...

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What a load of horseshit.

Folks-hppd is no walk in the park and if you have it bad for years and years, you're either made if fucking titanium or your dead. If you even remotely enjoy hppd then your not tripping, you're fucking retarded...

 

Don't tell other people how we should or shouldn't feel.

 

Just because YOU cannot see any reason to occasionally feel happiness because of the hppd.. doesn't make you the expert and calling people retards, because they don't share your view, is a very shit outlook.

 

If i hadn't got hppd, i would be dead, in a padded cell or in prison.... 100% guaranteed. So that alone gives me occasional comfort and happiness with this illness.

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"Don't tell other people how we should or shouldn't feel."

 

He/she didn't.

 

"Just because YOU cannot see any reason to occasionally feel happiness because of the hppd.. doesn't make you the expert and calling people retards, because they don't share your view, is a very shit outlook."

 

This is just all over the place. A conclusion that is unrelated to a premise; another straw man set up by claiming something was asserted that wasn't; and then the double standard of calling an opinion expressed "a very shit outlook".

 

For what is worth, HPPD actually helped me in the sense that had I not developed it I probably never would have ended up going to university. However, I sympathise with what Hope says and find it somewhat annoying when people say that this is something that can be enjoyed and in poor taste to those whose lives are made a daily hell by this condition. But then, that's just MY opinion (who else's would it be?)

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Puppeteer came on here and shared a view that is common with many people who suffer a mental illness (that it can sometimes bring a strange sense of happiness/peacefulness... it is very common with depression, for instance). Hope1 pissed all over it. Saying that we are retards if we think like that.

 

He was TELLING us that our views and feelings are horseshit. I'm not sure why you are getting pissy about that. It's plain as fucking day, pal.

 

The day someone can come on here and and start calling someone a retard and saying that they are talking horseshit, just for talking about their own hppd experience, is the day i walk from here.

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I'm not in the least bit pissy, I merely think you misrepresented what was said. And yes, Hope1 probably could have expressed his/her opinion in a more neutral fashion. But jumping all over it in that badly rhetorical manner and threatening to leave the site - that's pissy.

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All of our experiences and symptoms differ greatly. Obviously hope has suffered with much more severe symptoms than some of us. Maybe others can enjoy it because they have different symptoms maybe some can enjoy it just because they have a better outlook, either way its a good thing that they can see a positive side to it.

 

Chris- stop trying to start stuff

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Err, excuse me I am just expressing my opinion and in part sticking up for something that was poorly expressed but in essence I agree with. I am not trying to "start something" - you know nothing of my motives and personal experiences and can kindly FUCK OFF.

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Alright, let's calm it all back down.

 

Puppeteer is new to the site, and i thought the tone of Hope1 was out of order and somewhat bullying.... maybe my reply was too, so i apologise.

 

None of us have a scale to say who has the worst symptoms... Maybe Puppeteer has it terribly, but has found a method to grasp a little happiness. I thought it was a very interesting topic that should be explored, not shot down.

 

The majority of us are here because we liked to trip. I've certainly had a few moments, with hppd, that i've experienced the positive, trippy thought patterns that i enjoyed so much, all those years ago. Of course, the negative trippy thought patterns also ruined the majority of my life.

 

I remember when i took my first Klonopin.... This was 14 years after i got hppd, my entire adult life.... My vision, dp/dr and anxiety were minimized so much that i actually freaked out and hated it, i even went and got a joint off someone so i could "feel normal" again. That's how fucked up this illness can be, remember there are many, many shades to it.

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Being ten years deep into this I think if I experienced anything like normality again it would probably freak me out too. At this point I've become so habituated to it that I doubt I my brain could accept anything else as reality. That's not to say that daily life is not a living nightmare, though - something that probably makes me hypersensitive to comments about the enjoyability of the condition. But then that's my problem, and I actually wouldn't begrudge others who genuinely can find moments of happiness with it and who wish to discuss that. The sad truth, though, is that for many there are no such moments. Ever.

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Alright, let's calm it all back down.

 

Puppeteer is new to the site, and i thought the tone of Hope1 was out of order and somewhat bullying.... maybe my reply was too, so i apologise.

 

None of us have a scale to say who has the worst symptoms... Maybe Puppeteer has it terribly, but has found a method to grasp a little happiness. I thought it was a very interesting topic that should be explored, not shot down.

 

The majority of us are here because we liked to trip. I've certainly had a few moments, with hppd, that i've experienced the positive, trippy thought patterns that i enjoyed so much, all those years ago. Of course, the negative trippy thought patterns also ruined the majority of my life.

 

I remember when i took my first Klonopin.... This was 14 years after i got hppd, my entire adult life.... My vision, dp/dr and anxiety were minimized so much that i actually freaked out and hated it, i even went and got a joint off someone so i could "feel normal" again. That's how fucked up this illness can be, remember there are many, many shades to it.

 

This is true? That's very odd. I was and still am the exact opposite though I've now learned how to control cravings for certain substances that bring me way down and feel more normal again.

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Now, i love Klonopin.... it was just that first time.

 

From about the age of 14 or 15, i've either been high, drunk or with hppd.... so feeling relatively normal was just really hard to adjust to.

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I do not remember exactly in which forum of drugs i read something like that the HPPD not exist and if so, we were "a band of drama queens". There were many people who continued using drugs and enjoying the HPPD.  At that moment I had wanted to 'launch' like a missile my computer out of my house. I dont think Puppeter wanted to express something like that....i thinks is more "if you cant against them, join them" philosophy.

 

I dont know exactly if i enjoyed the HPPD, but many times I have felt a great peace watching the sky and think "I'm lucky to be alive" and i am very grateful for that.

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In the intro message, puppeteer had talked about committing suicide.... So he/she is clearly not having an easy time or thinking that hppd is easy.

 

I think you are right Zukov, he/she was talking about certain occasions where he/she can still feel happiness, even in the grip of this awful illness.

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