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Not enough concentration and motivation?


Meadow
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Hello.

I'm sorry if tehre is already a thread about this, but I looked for one and didn't find one. Actually, I did not put much afford into the search, which is caused by my problem...

I can't concentrate on things for a long period of time and I have no motivation to do things.

I am still at school but finishing it this year, in April. So for those big last exams I need to know so many things and the exams themselves will be about 5 hours each, so therefore I need to concentrate a lot too. But for a few days I just get my ordinary homework done, but afterwards I just can't get myself to study. Of course doing homework helps too, but it's not enough, I'm afraid.

So I am just sitting around, listening to music or play some computergames in which I get lost, because of dp/dr. Everything does just not work as it should be....

Anyone knows what I can do in order to get something done? It is not all about learning for school, I also don't get myself to do other senseful things.

I'm not taking any medicine or stuff like that, just some Kratom from time to time, which helps me dealing with other symptoms.

At 4th February there is my first important exam, 220minutes of Physics, about everything I've learned in last two years. I Don't feel like I am going to remember everything which is important.

But don't get me wrong, most of the time I am not in panic about this. Just sometimes. But most of the time I'm not even having enough motivation for being afraid of getting bad grades...

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Do you have visual symptoms and what are they?

--> yes, I have visual symptoms. This huge concentration lack just added up to my "normal hppd". I'm sure I will forget some symptoms, because they change a lot. I have Visual Snow, halos around objects, sometimes starburst and I'm very sensitive for smells, lights, sounds, etc, or when I want to read a text letters look as if they move or they even form patterns/figures, negative afterimages as well, or objects seem to move or there are appearing frames/colours/whatever, mostly when looking at the PC, but also when being in "real life". So just a whole bunch of what HPPD has to offer.

A few days ago I noticed something new. After telling somebody that I feel better about my HPPD, I really saw some strains of fog. They started at the lower part of my field of vision and slowly climbed up. I looked somewhere else, but they came with me. So it was kind of part of my eye... don't know how to describe that.

Generally I just feel like being in some state of dreaming. my body feels strange as if not belonging to my thoughts and I don't know what this "I" is, i mention always...

I felt like this before, I mean with HPPD already, but this no-concentration-state is nothing new to me. But it went away quicklier and just came occasionally. Now it is kind of always with me and I don't know how to get rid of it. Maybe that's because I want it so much to leave. because I really need my concentration to get a good graduation.But it isn't helping when I put myself (the part I can control) into the state of thinking that it doesn't matter what I do and that I can learn later.

The dreaming just stays, no matter what I do. It is just like that I am sitting on my bed, books and papers in front of me, but I just sit there, not able to get my mind on these things. It feels as if there is some barrier in my head that keeps me away from real life. Sometimes I can't even follow my thoughts, so they are just gone, which I had often at the very beginning of my HPPD.

And I read a bit about piracetam and aniracetam and stuff like that, but I don't know if I really want to take medicaments. Actually I don't even want to go to a doctor, because I have really bad experience with a lot of them... but that's another story

Medis are kind of the very last option for me.

I don't really know how this lack of concentration started... a few weeks ago I began learning and at the beginning all went well, but slowly it was harder and harder. And now I am hardly able to do anything. Even writing this means a huge effort to me... I take long breaks between every sentence(nearly) and it is really hard to get started again. my mind just wants to have in it, what HPPD gives me and not what I have or want to do..

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