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HPPD from DXM, Spice, Inhalants, and diphenhydramine.


TheSoberPotato
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I just signed up to this forum and wanted to really contribute something. Let me give you guys some background information on me. I am currently 15 years old and have been sober for approximately 5 1/2 - 6 months. I have used various psychoactive substances a couple months before I was even 13. My entire life(only 15 years), I would always over-indulge into especially habit-forming activities. Sadly, I would lose interest in about everything else there is to life but those habits. For instance; I played video games daily averaging about 6 - 8 hours a day for about 7 years (from 8 years old to this day). I would never exercise or even eat because I just wanted to play all day. Then when I was about 11 years old I got into masturbating quite often. I masturbated sometimes up to 8 times a day and found myself to be depressed much more often. I later found out that sex/masturbation acts in the brain much like the same way many drugs act, by causes a short-lasting high rise in dopamine(natural feel-good chemical) then a long enduring decline. Right now, when I think back to those habits I realized that I was probably prone to becoming addicted to shit like drugs.

I started off like many with marijuana(used about 150+ times). I went to any kind of pills then eventually I would use whatever was available. DXM(used about 12 times), diphenhydramine(used about 5 times along with DXM usually), nitrous oxide(used about 10 times), computer duster(used about 3 times), air freshener(used about 40 times), hydrocodone(used about 5 times), xanax(used twice), cocaine(used twice), ecstasy(used 9 times), alcohol(used 5 times), spice(synthetic cannabinoids used about 40 times), codeine(used about 3 times), tobacco, amphetamines(used twice), and those are the drugs I can remember using. The most damaging drugs I feel like I used were definitely all inhalants, DXM(sent me to the ER), and spice(sent me to the ER). I believe to have gotten HPPD from my use with DXM mostly and the diphenhydramine/inhalants/spice.

My HPPD consists of intense visual snow, sometimes objects getting wider/narrower, and pattern/cartoon like designs on inanimate objects(tigers, robots, weird shit, etc.) none of it is colorful though. Occasionally I see something at the corner of my eye like a cat that is not actually there but it is pretty rare. I have quit using any and all psychoactive substances(even caffeine) for the past 6 months. I have had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and depression along with the HPPD. The anxiety and panic attacks have definitely gotten better though as time went by.

I use to never exercise but once I quit using all drugs I started a daily routine of going to the gym or playing basketball for at least 30 minutes a day and that has vastly improved my anxiety. I can't even remember the last time I got a panic attack but I guess it was a couple weeks ago. The depression, however, is still present as well as the HPPD. I undeniably have brain damage as well, vision loss, memory loss, hearing loss and anything else associated with brain damage I have it. It is not traumatic nor major but it is still brain damage. I have some major loss of interest in just about everything except for masturbating and playing video games still.

My HPPD has not been improved in the past 6 months that I have been clean but I feel like with a better sleep schedule and more exercise/better nutrition it will be easier to just go on with it and ignore it. I currently sleep at about 2 - 3 AM in the morning and night time is when the HPPD is most prevalent but I am so used to sleeping that late that it is difficult to adjust to a new schedule. I have not tried any medication to help my HPPD but I am definitely considering it.

I will update you guys at least monthly to tell you how I am doing with everything. Hopefully I help someone else out with the same/similar problems as me. I will try to limit how much I masturbate, how much time I spend on video games, and adjust my sleep schedule to hopefully reduce any stress/anxiety tied into them as I strongly believe that anxiety/stress play a major role in worsening/maintaining HPPD. I want to regain interest in other things in life as much as I want my HPPD gone. The best thing to do is to never give up on your goals, and that is exactly what I am going to do. Never give up, even if you can't fully complete the goal just compromise as best as you can. ~TheSoberPotato

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Hey Potato-

I can relate to the anxiety and depression at your age. It's been with me my whole life, although I didn't get HPPD until my early 20's. I think you are making the right steps towards giving yourself a chance to possibly heal up, and if not then to minimize your symptoms. Never give up on your brain... some people get better over time. The main thing is to not do anything to make yourself worse. I know it's hard right now but you should try and get a hobby- preferably one that you can get outside and get some fresh air and sunshine with.

And don't worry about masturbating... you're 15... it's normal.

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Visual wrote a reply to a thread here: http://hppdonline.com/index.php?/topic/1327-hello-everyone/ saying that dopamine agonists have a positive affect on vision, making it sharper. I was just suggesting that my excessive masturbation which leads to a decline in dopamine, might negatively affect my HPPD since dopamine affects vision. I would not have included my excessive masturbation habits if they did not have a potential impact on my vision. Ofcourse that many hours on video games will make my vision blurrier and just downright worse. I feel like it all really adds up to how bad my HPPD is. Visual static from the HPPD on top of the blurriness from spending hours upon hours on video games will make the HPPD seem much worse.

I want to mention that it is probably a good idea to limit how much time you spend looking at screens(television, computers, phones, etc) and anything that can make your vision worsen (reading small text in books for hours). I experienced worsened HPPD symptoms during and after hours of staring at screens and reading books.

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I am going to start a treatment with Keppra 500mg once every night. I will report the side effects I experience as time passes.

~Wish me luck

TheSoberPotato

good luck man! I feel really bad for you, but at least it sounds like you had some fun before HPPD set in haha. to get back to a normal sleep schedule, you need to start waking up earlier, having breakfast right when you wake up, having dinner at a set time (a couple hours before when you want to get some sleep) and maybe even fitting in some physical activity ~3 hours or so before bedtime. the trick is to get your body's cyrcadium rythm to change. Stuff like eating breafast right when you wake up when adjusting to a new schedule will adjust your body better to setting that particular time as wake up time. uh did that make sense?

I know HPPD sucks, but it sounds like you're on the right track. I mean there's nothing wrong with playing videogames, just don't stare at a really bright screen fr 8hrs haha. It sounds like you can kick this, good luck!

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good luck man! I feel really bad for you, but at least it sounds like you had some fun before HPPD set in haha. to get back to a normal sleep schedule, you need to start waking up earlier, having breakfast right when you wake up, having dinner at a set time (a couple hours before when you want to get some sleep) and maybe even fitting in some physical activity ~3 hours or so before bedtime. the trick is to get your body's cyrcadium rythm to change. Stuff like eating breafast right when you wake up when adjusting to a new schedule will adjust your body better to setting that particular time as wake up time. uh did that make sense?

I know HPPD sucks, but it sounds like you're on the right track. I mean there's nothing wrong with playing videogames, just don't stare at a really bright screen fr 8hrs haha. It sounds like you can kick this, good luck!

Yea it makes sense man and don't feel bad for me. There is plenty of other people that had it worse and thank you for the sleeping advice, I will definitely give it a try.

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

The keppra just isn't doing shit and I am planning on dropping it altogether but besides that I am feeling pretty damn good. I have not had a panic attack in about 3 months and rarely had any anxiety. My HPPD has not gotten any better. I am currently looking into spreading out information about HPPD on multiple and diverse forums to get this disorder more acknowledgement. I want to have more people recognize this disorder and hopefully get some neuroscientists informed about it because I know that many psychiatrists and others in the medical industry have never even heard of it.

~TheSoberPotato

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