Monkey_magic Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Right. I had a mental dream last night that me, a hot(ish) chick and a wee deformed dwarf dude were all pals. And me and the hottish chick (that bore no resemblance to anyone I know) wanted to get it on and be a couple. The deformed dwarf character didn't like this idea much and wanted to fuck said girl, so me and my pseudo chick kinda allowed this dwarf dude to visit but all of us knowing I had a shotgun and would shoot him if he got overly frisky. (Fucking shotgun??), and I knew if he got his hands on it then I was for it and probs her too. The shotgun was never shown to the dwarf but it was known it was under beds or hidden somewhere about my person lol. Things escalated into a kinda siege mentality where me and the gal locked ourselves into the house thinking dwarf man was going to go for 'the big push'. In the end I blew him to bits and I think it had a kinda happy ending, it got overly complicated later on. I'm pretty decent at deciphering dreams in others I think. All latent subliminal shit innit. What do you reckon? I'm currently girlfriendless and that's been annoying me hence the 'prize' of the gal, the deformed dwarf dudes a bit more challenging. Is it the ugly version of me that has ruined things in past relationships? (mostly when drunk) is it that simple? He was a wee shifty mofo but there was a nice side to him that made me want to not shoot him as much as I could wait it off.lol I watched a violent film called 'super' before I went to bed. That's probs had a bearing on my thought process. It was kinda daft. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 I think the dwarf is a skewed version of your self image. He is the sexist, nerdy, inhibited self that is the cause of all your repression. You want to "let it all out", but the dwarf is preventing you and wants you to remain, with him, a dork. The girls is your longing to procreate and have a "normal" relationship and life with marriage etc. When i get more, i'll get back to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 Yip. Bang on -mg. I've certainly got a nerdy side, infact, in general I've got a whole other side to me I don't let people see. Or I can't let people see. He generally comes out when (really) drunk cos my repression runs so deep. I dunno about the procreation. I've procreated twice and that's more than enough. However later in the dream i think kids were involved (apres dwarf shooting though) in a kinda 'it's a wonderful life' montage type thing, here's what you could have won!! The normal relationship part is correctamundo. As indeed is the 'normal' life part. Subconsciously I know I can't have a normal loving relationship without dwarf tit fucking it up until I have a normal life and brain that's devoid of hppd. And general balance which at the mo I'm pretty fuckin far away from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 The question is though, was the dwarf there first all unspoilt and I've built all my repression around him or did I have this repression the whole time which gave birth to the dwarf?? What came first the chicken or the egg?? Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 All my dreams (that i remember) are a bit like that though. They're never full on nightmares or full on nice running through sunny meadows like when you were wee. Just very....disquieting. Like an undercurrent of something that shouldn't be happening throughout but enough decent stuff (like sex etc) to stop me from waking up in a cold sweat type shit. First time my subconscious self has taken the form of a deformed dwarf. That's a new one. Bet that becomes recurring now....bastards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted November 26, 2012 Report Share Posted November 26, 2012 I think the dwarf is everything you don't want to be, or wish you weren't. The repression definitely came first [unless there is something genetic or personality-based that you believe would be causing your less-than-ideal self image]. The dwarf is the representation of all these things you are trying to shake off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I think I manifested this self image in myself Pre-hppd and even Pre drugs. At like 13 or so when I started getting mad hormones and noticing the opposite sex more. (And they didn't notice me, unless it was to slag off my awkwardness and buck teeth lol). From then on I instinctively developed a emotional shield that I thought was helping me but all it was doing was letting it in and not letting it back out. Which drugs, weed, acid, e etc augmented. To this day I have trouble with emotion (both feeling and showing). So yeah, guess its a personality disorder brought on at the beginning of puberty. I was an overly sensitive child but I had no problems 'letting it all out' if I felt emotional. Nowadays it's like there is no middle ground. It's just all in or all out. I've thought at times that I'm maybe borderline schizo cos I've got these two distinctive sides to me but its probably more a bipolar thing. (Allthough I've never been diagnosed that). Doesn't stop it being any less annoying though. If I could get me and the dwarf to meet in the middle, shake hands and morph as one then I'd be a step closer to easing my hppd significantly I think. Lol. Deep shit doc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted November 27, 2012 Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 I think it is time for the dwarf to move out. You can still visit him, but he doesn't share the bed with you, or live in the next room. If you really want, you can strangle him and throw him over a bridge. Perhaps that's what you really need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 27, 2012 Yeah. Hide him in the basement.lol. Alive or dead. Thing is, he only comes out when I'm drunk. (Or black out drunk per se, but since getting hppd the black out line has blurred. That 'ach, il just have one more' is the invitation as I've no willpower and love a bit of escapism in all its forms. Allthough it's time to stop the drink alltogether if i cant do it in moderation and embrace my other escapism hobbies. Give wee Davey dwarf a long vacation. If you can't beat em...hide em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mgrade Posted November 28, 2012 Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 I'm still working on it. Give me a little more time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammywalker2009 Posted November 28, 2012 Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 Haha this made me laugh could from another point of view the dwarf could be some kind of emotion or ego preventing you from doing things you want in life I.e get the girl doesn't have to be that simple the girl could represent anything and the dwarf is clearly an obstacle maybe the dwarf needs nuturing and will grow into a great guy lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 They probably said that about hitler sammy. Lol. It deffo is shrink shit however. And not as simple as it seems, agreed. It's maybe the keppra subconsciously working things out. I've just been sleeping n dreaming for Scotland these last few days. Back to work tomorrow though. Should be fun full of keppra. I've been off for a week cos things were getting on top of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammywalker2009 Posted November 28, 2012 Report Share Posted November 28, 2012 I love sleeping lol my sleeping has been a bit fucked up recently the valium helped a lt with that yesterday I have such vivid dreams always have and have dreams that feel so real sometimes I don't know whether they are I love it though very rarely do I have nightmares most scary dreams I have are when I dream a huge tsunami is coming lol and I can see it coming or see the water receding Ive even had dreams that come true not exactly but very close to what I have dreamt they call me the oracle haha jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted November 30, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2012 You shoulda named yourself the oracle on this site. Lol. It's probably just the forthcoming environmental cataclysm your premonising (if that's even a word). Yip, getting back to the dwarf though. Think the initial hypothesis was correct -mg. The dwarf basically represents my 13 year olds sense of hurt and repression amidst the barbed tongues of 13 year old females that forced me/him into refuge within my mind and ego. From eyewitness reports (and the occasional drink flashback) I/he's probably more than just sexist. More mysogynistic and even narcissistic. The mysogeny doesn't permeate through to my everyday psyche in the slightest but the narcissism does a bit. (If you've seen the film me, myself and Irene that's how much a divide there is in characters. I can't remember what he had diagnosed....Hank! Lol). I've always kinda known this really. But knowing and confronting and dealing are two different things. Think this keppra is opening up some self realisitation pathways and reigniting emotions (some better off hidden). Apart from the shitty side effects its like a shrink in a pill it seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammywalker2009 Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 When you dream do you dream in hppd so to speak do you have the visual symptoms? I had a dream last night and dret I was looking down this country pathway with trees all over hanging and my visual snow was ridiculously thick first time I've noticed my visuals in my dream Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted December 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Nah man. In all my time im pretty sure ive not dreamt about my hppd in a visual sense. Just the phychological baggage that hangs off it. I dont remember half mines though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey_magic Posted December 1, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Nah man. In all my time im pretty sure ive not dreamt about my hppd in a visual sense. Just the phychological baggage that hangs off it. I dont remember half mines though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 Yeah ive had dreams where ive gotten dosed and my hppd gets out of control...others when im just getting new symptoms and im all fuckin depressed...hppd is probably what i dream about the most Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sammywalker2009 Posted December 1, 2012 Report Share Posted December 1, 2012 I had one last night was weird I also had a dream where I thought I was awake in my bed and then I woke up I have the most realistic dreams sometimes so weird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Smith Posted December 2, 2012 Report Share Posted December 2, 2012 Yeah thats only happened to me once after a horrible bender Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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