Dylan L Posted October 14, 2012 Report Share Posted October 14, 2012 I'm not writing this story for my own personal need to tell it but am rather hoping someone new to HPPD may read it and see that HPPD isnt a mental death sentence and that life can go on, and very successfully for that matter... I woke up with HPPD 5 years ago when I was in my grade 12 year of high school. As I remember it, me and some friends were partying on LSD and just doing as we normally did. When I woke up the morning after, I was still hallucinating as if I was peaking on the acid, but paid no mind to it. I remember thinking... "It's maybe just some real strong acid..." Speaking to my dad that morning, I told him about it and he said back when he used to do LSD he's been high for 48 hours before any type of comedown, so that made me feel better. I went to school, came home, rinse repeat. 1 week later, im still hallucinating at peak level of an acid trip. Now I'm scared. I told my Dad around this time, who of course tried to tell me i was fine, not wanting me to panic. Subtly over the next month he told me about HPPD, and the warning signs of it. Over the next months I diagnosed myself with HPPD and took hold of the horrible situation, I told myself "You are NOT letting this ruin your life, and dont even THINK about suicide."... months past... Now I'm drug free, but I still drink alcohol, standing there on graduation day, on acid basically... went to the grad party all fucked up... god right hammered drunk but turned down all the drugs. To this day, I havent gotten high ONCE. which has immensly helped me cope with the illness we all have. I joined the Canadian Armed Forces 1 week after graduation. I was scared to because of my fucked visuals, but lo-and behold, i passed my psych evaluation with flying colors and was accepted for basic training. The funniest thing happened the night before I flew out to st. jean Quebec for basic training, My visuals just, stopped. Now i still had everything moving around and starbursts and whatnot, but all the morphing and faces in objects had stopped. I didnt know why, and still dont know why they stopped, and at such a convinient time yet... But anyway, over the 5 years I've been in the army, it kept going down and down until the first time i went to Afghanistan. All was well until the first time my squad and I came under attack. After the encounter, the extreme stress of knowing, "Damn, we could have been killed!" hit me, and i started hallucinating like i hadnt for months before... I came to the conclusion then and over the next 12 months of my tour and over many more hostile encounters with enemies that HPPD is strongly effected by extreme stress. On my second tour in Afghanistan I told the psychiatrist about what happened my first tour, and about my HPPD. (and only because me and her became close during our service time, and was sure she wouldnt say anything, to anyone.) She then began to tell me about stories shes heard of schizophrenics challenging their mental condition by taking their stress levels to the extreme, and facing it, then overcoming it. I took this to heart and applied for CSOR (A special operations division of the Canadian Forces) the day after I made it home from my tour. From this point on, all i can say is that I was accepted into CSOR. I can't say how I did it, where I've gone or what I've done. I can say however, that the extreme stress of the crazy training program associated with CSOR pushed my not just my body, but my mind to the limit, pushing my HPPD to the breaking point. At times I felt like I was borderline mental psychosis. After those times, and upon being accepted into their ranks, I've never had LSD-like HPPD visions. They tamed down so much I can go through most days without even noticing them. If I really look for them, I can easily see the visuals, but for the most part, THEY ARE GONE. Challenge the HPPD. Don't let it take control of your life, be stronger and control IT. most importantly... STAY CLEAN. I can't stress that enough, I have not gotten high since the day I took that LSD... As for nowadays, I'm still in the Canadian Forces, still a member of CSOR and will be applying for JTF2 as of January 2013, which will push me to my breaking point x10, hopefully simultaneously pushing the last remnants of HPPD out of my brain. =) Good luck to you all. Just know. YOU. CAN. BEAT. IT!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!Register a new account
Already have an account? Sign in here.Sign In Now