stimulatingdistraction Posted September 29, 2012 Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 Hi everyone. My name's Zach, I'm 22 years old. I guess I'll just tell a little bit about myself. I'm not really sure what I expect from joining this place, been avoiding it for a while. I didn't want to join some hppd club because it just would've made the threat of this condition worse in my mind, to be thinking about it constantly, as if joining a website like this would only compliment the severity of it. I try to keep symptoms at bay and focus on everything and anything else. I haven't been clinically diagnosed with HPPD, but have had this condition for 3 years now. The first year was the worst. It was mostly the visuals that got to me back then, it still felt as if I was on shrooms 24/7. It was extremely beautiful, and scary. After a while it was just mostly scary and a lot of regret. It took a while for me to figure out what I can and can't do since I've had this. I didn't even know the name of it for the first two years, I haven't been to a doctor in some 10 ish years. I never bothered to research it online because I felt at the time it wouldn't do me any good. It might have scared me more back then when the visuals were at their strongest, knowing that I'm probably going to have to live with this for life. Anyway, eventually I found out what it was last year. The point I'm at now is that the visuals don't really bother me much anymore. It's the anxiety that gets to me. I used to love smoking herb, would smoke every day and I miss those times more than anything just about. But now when I try to smoke it intensifies the visuals, but I would be able to deal with that. But even if I take only one hit my heartrate skyrockets and makes me think I'm having a heart attack or something like it. Last time I tried, a few months ago, thought I was gonna die. Now the idea is that as long as I have hppd I'll never be able to enjoy a good smoke session again. Anyway. Like I said I'm not sure what to expect joining this site. I feel as if I have everything as under control as it can be. I manage symptoms well. The visuals don't bother me, I stay away from substances that stimulate the anxiety, I go spearfishing just about every other day to keep my mind as actively engaged as possible to help with depersonalization. Another great thing about the ocean is that through goggles I see little to zero visuals underwater. Just pure clean water, no trails, nothing. It's almost as if I'm normal again when I go spearfishing. I prefer not to use sunglasses during the day, proper lighting, etc, it just makes me feel like hppd's bitch to be going out of my way constantly to save myself. Better to just suck it up and deal with it. And it took a couple years but the visuals really aren't my biggest concern anymore. Anyway, trailing off again. I suppose maybe it would just be nice to connect with some other people with the same or similar difficulties, I don't have any friends with hppd so it's difficult to connect with people. That and I don't really have friends to begin with. Need to interact with fellow humans can be overwhelming and yada yada. Anyway. Hope you all are having a decent enough day, maybe I'll hear from some of you soon. Thanks to any and all who survived reading this entire post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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