new here

[stimulatingdistraction]

Hi everyone. My name's Zach, I'm 22 years old. I guess I'll just tell a little bit about myself. I'm not really sure what I expect from joining this place, been avoiding it for a while. I didn't want to join some hppd club because it just would've made the threat of this condition worse in my mind, to be thinking about it constantly, as if joining a website like this would only compliment the severity of it. I try to keep symptoms at bay and focus on everything and anything else. I haven't been clinically diagnosed with HPPD, but have had this condition for 3 years now. The first year was the worst. It was mostly the visuals that got to me back then, it still felt as if I was on shrooms 24/7. It was extremely beautiful, and scary. After a while it was just mostly scary and a lot of regret. It took a while for me to figure out what I can and can't do since I've had this. I didn't even know the name of it for the first two years, I haven't been to a doctor in some 10 ish years. I never bothered to research it online because I felt at the time it wouldn't do me any good. It might have scared me more back then when the visuals were at their strongest, knowing that I'm probably going to have to live with this for life. Anyway, eventually I found out what it was last year. The point I'm at now is that the visuals don't really bother me much anymore. It's the anxiety that gets to me. I used to love smoking herb, would smoke every day and I miss those times more than anything just about. But now when I try to smoke it intensifies the visuals, but I would be able to deal with that. But even if I take only one hit my heartrate skyrockets and makes me think I'm having a heart attack or something like it. Last time I tried, a few months ago, thought I was gonna die. Now the idea is that as long as I have hppd I'll never be able to enjoy a good smoke session again. Anyway. Like I said I'm not sure what to expect joining this site. I feel as if I have everything as under control as it can be. I manage symptoms well. The visuals don't bother me, I stay away from substances that stimulate the anxiety, I go spearfishing just about every other day to keep my mind as actively engaged as possible to help with depersonalization. Another great thing about the ocean is that through goggles I see little to zero visuals underwater. Just pure clean water, no trails, nothing. It's almost as if I'm normal again when I go spearfishing. I prefer not to use sunglasses during the day, proper lighting, etc, it just makes me feel like hppd's bitch to be going out of my way constantly to save myself. Better to just suck it up and deal with it. And it took a couple years but the visuals really aren't my biggest concern anymore. Anyway, trailing off again. I suppose maybe it would just be nice to connect with some other people with the same or similar difficulties, I don't have any friends with hppd so it's difficult to connect with people. That and I don't really have friends to begin with. Need to interact with fellow humans can be overwhelming and yada yada. Anyway. Hope you all are having a decent enough day, maybe I'll hear from some of you soon. Thanks to any and all who survived reading this entire post.

[mgrade]

Well, you are almost there, in terms of getting better. The first few months are always the worst. Most of the people here have had this for a while. There are people here who look for treatments and people who express their troubles and emotions and symptoms. Feel free to sound-off and say what you please. We are all a big family here, and it includes people from all over the planet. Good luck to you, and if you have any questions, get in touch with one of us. Peace.

[stimulatingdistraction]

Thanks for taking the time to respond, I appreciate it. Yeah, I do have some questions... "almost there, in terms of getting better"... almost where? I'm not sure how much better than this I could get besides having more daily activities and people to connect with. I'm sort of a loner. What does someone who has gotten better from hppd look like? What did they do to get there? I thought that once you have it, you're stuck with it and can only cope. I'm decent at coping, so I'm not sure what else I could be doing besides what I am now.

[mgrade]

In other words, your symptoms seem mild. It is my belief that the other end of the spectrum would be perma-trip or psychosis. This is where the hallucinations never seem to stop (even long after the drug has left the body), or you just go plain crackers. .....First off, I would advise you to stay away from eating reef fish. While i know first hand, having gone snorkeling on one of the other islands, that the water is pristine, you still need to watch out for ciguatera.

......To answer the last question, you could be you or a better you, but potentially a worse you. So be careful.