Who did recover (or is on the road to recovery)?

[Mayby]

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[ferret]

Hey Ill give you my full story. I took about 4 grams of shrooms (twice as much as you should on your first time) in early january. Before that all I had done was drink and smoke weed a few times. I tripped really hard, I was in a completely diferent dimension talking to people who don't exist, and time had no meaning. at one point I became really scared that I wasn't going to come back and began freaking out trying to physicaly claw my way back into this world while my eyes were closed. Still the next morning I was fine and I looked at the trip in a positive way. Three weeks later I smoked a little and the night after that I drank a little. The night after the night i drank I woke up from a really messed up dream shaking with really bad anxiety. For the next week I had horrible anxiety and sleep issues (hynagogic hallucinations and such) but no other symptoms. after a week it went away but then a few days later it came back with all that stuff plus 24/7 visual snow and some after-images and some derelization. The next two months were hell but then things started to improve. After 4 months I was feeling a lot better and could ignore HPPD pretty easily, after 6 months I was basically back to normal,

Its been almost 7 months since the HPPD started and my remaining symptoms are: anxiety- more than i had prior to HPPD but not that much, moodyness- I get depressed more now but it really isn't a big deal, weird visuals on occasion- sometimes I'll see weird shit but its not common and isn't a problem, sleep issues- I get a lot of vivid dreams and some CEVs before sleep and once in a while will have a hypnagogic hallucination, visual snow- in certain lightings its still there but so minor that if it had never been any worse I would think its something normal that everyone gets.

I am confident that the Anxiety and moodyness will completely disapear at some point. As long as the sleep issues dont get worse they are actually kind of fun (although sometimes I have trouble remembering if I had certain conversations with people in a dream or in real life.) My visuals are so minor and i can go a ful day without even noticeing them so if they get better than great but I'm fine if they dont.

I got better by doing a few things-

1. Ignoring HPPD as much as I could and still doing everything that I would have otherwise (besides drugs of course).

2. Staying sober- now that i'm better I drink ocassionally but am cautious and know that I can never do another drug again.

3. Eat Healthy and take supplements, ecspeacially brain related ones.

4. Exercise its good for you and will help distract yourself.

Good Luck!

[mgrade]

Ferret---I am interested just to see: what kind of mushrooms were they: what did they look like?

I've recovered twice....from HPPD-like symtoms and i am on my third episode, recovering (lol....). The chances of you recovering 85-95% are extremely good IMO. Other people recover at a really really slow pace though. I would say the average is 6 months to 5 years, but closer to 6 months (most probably 1-2 years <but just a guess>). You just got to wait it out, be sober, benzo when necessary, NSAIDs, eat well, sleep well, hydrate. (maybe magnesium and, ....for sleep melatonin once in a while). You will get better.

[Mayby]

Thanks ferret for your story! Very encouraging!

Mgrade, thanks to you too! Could you please describe what were your symptoms? Did you have only visual snow too? Or you had the full blown version with the trails, starbursts, afterimages, etc.?

[mgrade]

You name it. Trails (lots of trails), starburst, anxiety, panic attacks, headaches, auras, hallucinations, things turned liquid, things breathed (i would look a something and it would get small, small, smaller, than big and than small, small, than big etc), felt i was losing mind, dissociation, tenseness, teeth grinding, tastes lingered for days, light-sensitivity, no response to meds, heart palpitations, depression, could not focus, could not concentrate, could not contemplate, bad etiquette, no manners, seemed weird, looked weird, didn't enjoy anything, social-phobia. That sums it up.

[miketusa]

You name it. Trails (lots of trails), starburst, anxiety, panic attacks, headaches, auras, hallucinations, things turned liquid, things breathed (i would look a something and it would get small, small, smaller, than big and than small, small, than big etc), felt i was losing mind, dissociation, tenseness, teeth grinding, tastes lingered for days, light-sensitivity, no response to meds, heart palpitations, depression, could not focus, could not concentrate, could not contemplate, bad etiquette, no manners, seemed weird, looked weird, didn't enjoy anything, social-phobia. That sums it up.

mgrade have you ever recovered from starbursting specifically? This symptoms stalks my impending recover to the point of absolute madness.

[r.trudeau]

You can look at the two other threads I've started, they both go into my symptoms and how I recovered. I've had hppd for a little over two years now and it took me 3 months to get rid of it thanks to keppra, exercise, natural diets, reading and a lot of strenuous brain expanding exercises. And of course, being positive and believing, truly believing that all the changes you're implementing in your life will cure yourself.

[ferret]

Mgrade- Its hard to remember exactly what they looked like. They were dried. The mushroms were mostly white but with blueish green spots/mold on them. I've looked online for pictures that matched them but I can't find any.

[mgrade]

ferret-ok.....i see.......how big were the caps?, were they brownish caps with white-white stems? and the shrooms didn't look like little penises, did they? .......(lol)

mikezero- starbrusting has finally subsided .......and that was certainly a shtty symptom.......starbursting i always felt were very similar to migraines. I found that if i didn't drink enough, i would start getting migraine symptoms. Do u have any benzo around to see if it helps? Ibuprofen?

r.trudeau- i'm just concerned how long you have been on the keppra? i read somewhere that they usually only prescribe it for a short period of time: like ~6 months or something: for HPPD. (maybe that was

sinemet?...)

[ludwig80]

I've been on Keppra for a year now Mgrade. Lot of people take it long term for epilepsy

[ferret]

The caps weren't very big and they didn't look like dicks.. I think the caps might have been tan but I'm not sure. The stems were white. They had a lot of blue-green on them. I wish that I had payed more attention to detail.

[mgrade]

ferret: yeah i know those.........sorry they had to give you the HPPD's.........ones like those i remember as pretty strong

ludwig: good info........maybe i was thinking of sinemet.....have you or anybody else heard of that with sinemet?

.........yeah.........dick-shrooms lol ..........didn't mean to be fresh, but those gave me flashbacks for a few months when i took them and went to sleep (really f'ed up my subconscience)

http://ts4.mm.bing.n...5b157555a64fa03 :i know it's funny but this is strictly for education reasons; I certainly don't advise taking them.

****There are a few people with HPPD who still do drugs, and just like a hospital could give out clean needles, the people need to be informed as to exactly what is causing this in us.

In a lotta ways, aside from a few unlucky people, if we had better understanding of these drugs that we would have made wiser decisions. For instance, after doing LSD once, i figured that taking more would give you more cartoon-like hallucinations. But instead i found out that it just fried you, and it seemed like the drug reached a saturation point where i wasn't getting where i thought it would be, but instead of enjoying myself, i basically just felt psychotic and confused. Then I realized i really needed people bad; you feel lost and nobody can really help you. Some people learn their lesson the hard ways.

[Monkey_magic]

Im the same as you mgrade, my hppd has a baseline and when its not flaring up its easier to manage. But its relapsed 3 times (if you count the 1st onset of it). Then its ptsd city and my phyche is turned inside out for months. As an analogy Its a bit like gjostbusters where they store all the Dickhead ghosts in the big containment unit in the base n then the baddy guy lets them all out in a oner and they terrorise manhatton. Well, my brains manhatton (probs spelt manhatton wrong but im not american).

I exercise like a beast, or as much as my shitty nervous system lets me before i get overtraining symptoms. My prob is insomnia. I dont sleep well which puts me on the backfoot right from the am.

Was just wondering rtrudeau as im (hopefully, eventually) gonna get on keppra to try it what its like for sleep? Any issues in getting or staying asleep with it?

[ferret]

Monkey- Do you know why you relapsed? Did drugs or stress cause it, or did it just come back out of the blue?

Mgrade- Same question I asked monkey, but I'm pretty sure that I already asked you and you said that somebody drugged you?

[Monkey_magic]

Nah ferret. I relapsed due to firstly mega stress (my boy was born and was the worst sleeper ever, plus my ex is a bitch, not a good combo). And i hit the drink and benzos route pretty hard at the time to try to cope (unsuccessfully).that was a baad relapse, was off work for a year! This relapse is mild in comparison but still annoying. Just a build up of stress, not helped by binge drinking, benzos and now tramadols been added into the mix cos folk at my work take it and i cant say no: willpower of a fuckin gnat.

[mgrade]

^ That is correct ferret. I have smoked the equivalent to 1/2 of a pin joint in 5 years. I have had 4 beers in the last 5 years. I ingested something. Now I have had HPPD. But i didn't know it at the time, but i had it when i was younger too (like 17; mainly visual). It's almost like a total and complete phenomenon, this HPPD. For my thoughts, it was when one has fried themselves or one didn't come down or one's mind didn't identify itself with the body anymore, or a reaction to a certain dose or combination "hit" your head with such force (like a sledgehammer) that it threw one's brain spiraling into a absolute state of shock.

[Monkey_magic]

We all know that specially after getting hppd anything you do to your body comes back atcha in spades, but i have a right self destruct mode still lol. I must address this. Either that or i still cant handle n face emotion.

[mgrade]

I think also as you age, it is harder to get back to that feeling of a young man with "all the stars aligned", clearheaded, virile, no sun lines, naturally healthy skin, fast healing, less male pattern hair loss, etc. You add lingering effects of high dose psychodelic/dissociative/amphetamine use, enormous stress, low self-esteem, rejection, social/sexual un-acceptance, faced with other people's negativity, distorted sense of self, bad self-image, high doses of nicotine and caffeine, lack of sleep, fasting, dehydration, total emotional collapse, lose a job, have no money, wife leaves you, death in the family, family disowns you, paranoia, weird/un-accepting looks from strangers, social anxiety, isolation/alienation; hypersensitivity to subconscious signals and symbols; low tolerance/hatred/frustration/inability for correct encoded registration: for psychological suggestion, innuendos, and suggestive body language; given-up/inability (because cognitive damage and/or of other people's lack of understanding) to maintain etiquettes and social mores. etc. ..........................................Now you have CNS napalm

[Monkey_magic]

Yeah. The question is though, even if you do feel through meds, exercise etc youve got yourself approaching your pre hppd 'normality', is the underlying weakness still there waiting to resurface at the first sign of mega excess stress overloading the CNS. Theres nowt out there that can reverse hppd as of yet, just manage and mask it.some mega strides are being made though.

[mikethemerc1]

I completely recovered but I somehow recently relapsed due to secondhand pot I'm so pissed. I recovered after 8-10 months, maybe quicker if I didn't withdraw from benzos cold turkey. I was fine the last 2 years until that bastard lit up a joint in his car. It's back now, the DP/DR is the same as last time but visuals are only the static luckily. I don't know what to do, it took all I had the first time without meds.

[mgrade]

Dude i understand the idea of getting anxiety just with the smell of pot.......but i think there is a deeper action at play.......such as trauma (conscious or subconscious) from your "bad trip" .........the smell/slight high sent you back to the bad feelings of that "bad trip" ........and then from there it starts negative feedbacking ...............start first with reducing stress to zero, if that is at all possible.

[miketusa]

Yeah, to me it sounds like the whole idea of PTSD is somehow playing a role here Merc. That small amount of secondhand marijuana, I couldn't imagine could do that. But, honestly, I guess it's possible. And if it is, that is pretty scary to know for the rest of us.

[mikethemerc1]

It should not be understated that there is a huge psychological aspect to this condition, you need to put it behind you mentally if you ever want to start to heal. This goes especially for DP/DR, I'm only on this site to find out if relapse is possible and mgrade confirmed that. Once I get this shock out of my system, I'll do what I did the first time, ignore it until it passes, as hard as that may be. Remember that this is not degenerative either, it doesn't get worse only better, but you can't fuel the condition with anxiety for that will only make it worse...trust me. Once the DP/DR is gone, the visuals can be adjusted to.

[mgrade]

mikethemerc1-----The psychological aspect to this condition TOTALLY has to be noted: you're right. Relapse, I believe, is 100% possible (even w/o drug use). But in my bizarre case, HPPD was generally caused by drug use

(whether knowingly or unknowingly).

[mikethemerc1]

You guys may be right, but static isn't a part of PTSD, yet who knows maybe my stress could've just reset a little of the cycle. But PTSD is funny I've dealt with it both from the marines and visitin my old man in prison. This is definitely a combo of things but trust me guys we all know the hppd feeling, and this is it. But I agree in that I never got an explaination for the first time. I'm on month 2 of the relapse and there are good days and bad days. I'll keep you guys updated but Just be forewarned about the whole secondhand thing just in case.