ramblingon Posted June 11, 2012 Report Share Posted June 11, 2012 This post may be depressing, and I apologize if it is. Haven't logged in in quite a while, just trying not to think about hppd too much. In a month I will have had hppd for 2 full years. I've learned to live with it a little since then, but not the life I want. It's hard to keep going everyday. I've tried medications, but no real improvement from them. I was depressed for years before I even got hppd, and this was the icing on the cake. I've almost given up and having a decent life. I really don't see this improving. I didn't want to go the benzo route, but I might have too try. I know assisted suicide can be a touchy subject, but honestly, i've been suffering for years. I tried to talk to people close to me about it, but they wouldn't hear it. I can't bring that up to my parents again, but I'm in constant suffering. I couldn't possibly kill myself while my parents are still alive, they shouldn't have to go through that, but I feel like a great burden to them. As soon as the last one of my parents keels over, I'm done. Now I feel like I'm just waiting out my miserable time I have left. Maybe I'll find a cure in the years before it comes to that. Keep looking on the bright side, everyone. I hope everything works out for you all. I wouldn't say I've given up completely yet, but I'm certainly at a new rock bottom in my life, and I can't even go have a goddamn beer to help pass the time, because of my HPPD. I don't know any of you, but my heart goes out to everyone with HPPD. Or any life crippling mental illness. And believe me, I've been diagnosed with more "mental illnesses" than I can count, and been put on so many medications in the last 15 years or so, that I think I can say I know what it's like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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