Jump to content

I want to get high! Argh! Coming out of my skin


aztec99
 Share

Recommended Posts

Damn, so my former recreational drug dealers got busted by the DEA. Now I can't get anymore which is a good thing ultimately. But right now I am about to lose my fucking mind. I want to get high so bad! Maybe if I wasn't so depressed and anxiety then i wouldn't care so much but it's like i need it. I feel like I'm going to snap!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've got the opposite problem.... I want to stop feeling high :)

I see you don't have dp/dr which is the thing that makes me feel like i'm constantly tripping, this keeps my craving to get high to a minimum. (except for beer)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I know I shouldn't but I'm like craving it! I saw this tv show about how drugs affect the brain. It say the free will portion of the brain is changed and thus your choice to resist is literally diminished. I see what they are talking about!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it has been with me right from the start..... I never knew what to call it until I found this site, 4 years ago, but I have been tripping everyday for 17 years. It's no easy ride, but I just try and soak it up into my life... after a few years, you get used to it, in most situations... things like weddings and stuff kill me though, that is why I am very cautious with my benzo use.... If I can have these little magic bullets for the rest of my life, for things like weddings and big occasions where the tripping would be too much, I can live a pretty cool life.

DP/DR seems to react very strongly to stress and, in turn, anxiety.... Try and cut as much stress as possible out of your life. I made some very drastic changes to my life over the years,, moving out of my home town, then even my country.... Just to cut down on stress and create a more relaxed life for myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yea, for about another year.... I was drinking every day and doing alot of mdma, I was a mess. Then I did LSD one last time and broke down.... I wont go into much detail as it still haunts me a bit, but it was nasty.

How long have you had hppd? The vast majority of long term sufferers get considerably better after about 3 years... Not sure why, maybe just acceptance. My depression and alot of my anxiety left at that point.

Have you tried any meds?

Keep on fighting mate, it gets better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've had HPPD for a year and a half and DP for a year. It's gotten a lot better, I feel like the HPPD isn't so much a problem anymore, it's really the DP that bothers me the most. Everything still looks really hyper-defined and slightly cartoony but it doesn't really bother me anymore, it's really just his detachment from myself. I feel like if DP went away I'd be in pretty solid shape mentally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm afraid that I will keep going (getting messed up) till I get DP/DR. I'm already planning to do more drugs :( I'm weak! I can't help it!

I think if I don't do any hallucinagens that I'll be ok. I think they would royally fuck me. But ecstasy type don't seem to make my HPPD too much worse. damn i suck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

E seems to be mixed with 2-ce, 2-cb way too ofteb and come on, if you really are taking hppd serious you must cut the drugs. It's not like you don't have any choice and you WILL get messed up if ou keep doind mdma and heavy shit like that, why make it worse than it already is?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm afraid that I will keep going (getting messed up) till I get DP/DR. I'm already planning to do more drugs :( I'm weak! I can't help it!

I think if I don't do any hallucinagens that I'll be ok. I think they would royally fuck me. But ecstasy type don't seem to make my HPPD too much worse. damn i suck.

My advice would be to do just that as long as you don't go overboard. Some people react negatively to weed and some dont. Also judging from this thread I think you need to chill the fuck out a bit lol. I don't mean any offense by that at all, it's actually legit advice. I know how you feel along with a lot of others on here. I felt a lot better after just relaxing and figuring out what I can and can't do.

I'm prob. one of the few people who will tell you to keep doing drugs, as long as you know your limit and also you know what can possibly happen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i really dont understand you people that can get hppd and want to or actually continue using drugs. youve had your normal life shattered and your sanity waved infront of your eyes yet your asking how you can safely continue? im at a loss...properly amazed at how people can have this attitude, its almost offensive to some degree.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For me, it was a few things

1) Lack of info.... I didn't know what hppd was.. there was no internet, let alone a forum. I blamed LSD, so didn't know MDMA would make my problem much worse.

2) Doing what your friends do.... I wanted to carry on partying with my mates. I don't know about now, but raving back then was a real lifestyle thing. It was very, very hard to break off from friends and a scene I loved so much.

3) Denial.... Even during my worst times, I thought a few weeks rest was all I needed.

4) Alcohol and poor choices... Needs no further explanation ;)

5) Drugs are amazing. There is no getting around it, I still crave a pill or line of MDMA.... I would love it! Or even just kicking back with a nice joint, on the beach.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thats different though man, as you said, there was no info on this, no internet, you didnt know. A craving for the odd spliff does come along but to be told if you continue living the drug life and abusing yourself your life will become a 24/7 trip from hell and people still do it. I just cant comprehend that. Theres enough info and people here that are proof continued drug use will fuck you end so people kidding themself, bah a couple lines of mandy on my bday will be fine is insane.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Another things is drugs that mess with the dopamine reward system (i.e. cocaine, meth) actually reduce ones ability to feel good when not taking the drug. This is physiological addiction (most addiction is psychological). For some it drives them to their death trying to feel pleasure again.

Even without physiological addiction, if there has been major use, one must redefine their life - which is not easy for many.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Very good point, but hppd is such a huge impact on someones life so surely that should frighten people straight. It certainly did me. I was pretty much a full on alcohol going through bags of mandy at dnb raves everyweekend. But id rather live a bland life slightly depressed than be going wild having fun risking full blown insanity

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.