Jump to content

Search the Community

Showing results for tags 'mdma'.

  • Search By Tags

    Type tags separated by commas.
  • Search By Author

Content Type


Forums

  • Research - Actively Recruiting
    • Research Advertisements
  • Main Forums
    • PREPARATION FOR LIVESTREAMS
    • MAIN AND GENERAL FORUM
    • Introductions
    • Symptoms: Descriptions, Discussion, Debate
    • Medications & Other Treatments
  • Active and Future Research
    • Research Articles, Publications and Studies
  • Community Area
    • Community Open Space
    • Forum Information, Questions and Suggestions

Find results in...

Find results that contain...


Date Created

  • Start

    End


Last Updated

  • Start

    End


Filter by number of...

Joined

  • Start

    End


Group


AIM


MSN


Website URL


ICQ


Yahoo


Jabber


Skype


Location


Interests


Administration Role

Found 16 results

  1. Hello everyone, in advance I wanna apologize for my non mother tounge English and for not really coming to an end with telling my story and maybe using the wrong tread for that post. I‘m not quite sure yet if a self diagnose with HPPD is appropriate for me but I want to tell you about my story, my seizure-similar experiences and my worries about taking meds. i don’t really know when all of this started. I‘m 24 now and I’ve been smoking weed regularly since 2015/2016, never had any noticeable problems with consuming it but could always keep it on a kind of moderate level, smoked everyday but usually at night time and never had problems having breaks inbetween for weeks. August 2019 I went to Indonesia/Gili Islands and „of course“ I had to try one of there mushroomshakes there, Even though I never had drug experiences besides 3 times of mdma and the weed. However, the first mushroom trip was quite pleasing nothing as how I experienced it and the dose was very low as I wanted it to be so I nearly had any hallucinations, my mind felt very clear and I did feel kind of creative. That good and light experience might have taken the my „respect“ of this drug so on that same holiday 2 weeks later I drank another mushroom shake, at night, in my hotel were the atmosphere wasn’t that nice, furthermore my friend I wanted to take it with didn’t notice anything and the dosage was a bit to high for me I guess. I wouldn’t call it having a bad trip, but all of the circumstances kind of freaked me out and I really had to calm myself down throughout the trip. Anyways when I came back to Germany, my home country I ordered some mushrooms from the Netherlands, because I wanted to microdose them, for „selfhealing“ my selfdiagnosed depression that I was to scared to go to a doctor with. In December 2019 I started microdosing for nearly three month, I didn’t feel so much of the positive effects promised but I didn’t stopped smoking while doing it which might me the reason for that, sometimes the day after taking it a felt kinda dizzy and I had that thing called mouches volantes I guess, that seemed like little flys/black dots infront of my eyes, next day I didn’t have anything. Sometimes when I took the dosage in the morning and smoked werd afterwards I got really sensitive to noises which also kind of made me aggressive or I felt like I had to leave the situation. However, all of that stopped when I stopped with the microdosing. At that point I want to say that I hadn’t felt really depressed ever since, anyways I feel like I kind of changed ever since, which I haven’t really noticed as a Problem till a few month ago, that’s why I don’t know if i‘n actually having the HPPD or what it’s caused from. in the past year is started getting more annoyed of people or not really „getting“ their way of living life, I started feeling anxious about talking infront of others and felt Kindle confused when I had too, but it was just in front of my class (i’m studying health science - how ironic I know) and I started isolating myself more, but just felt that I wasn’t as dependent on others as I used too. Then suddenly I started hating the smell and taste of weed, I didn’t like the “relaxing” effects it gave me because I just felt unsatisfied with myself and not good, summer2020 I went on a vacation with my family and didn’t smoke fore 2 month, everything was fine, don’t think I ever felt that good and stable during a vacation in a long period of time. However when I came back to the city I’m studying in and to my circle of friends who is smoking weed excessively I started smoking again too, with the differences that I felt that weed didn’t have any effect on me anymore, I couldn’t smell it, didn’t really taste it, it didn’t make me tired anymore, there was still a slight change but I don’t really know what made me continue smoking, I also noticed that it got kind of Heard- for me to not smoke for a few days because it made me feel really weird, I thought I couldn’t focus as much anymore and I thought I needed it to write on my assignments, I don’t really know. I felt kind of anxious at some points when I was smoking and had those weird episodes which makes me think there might be more connection to seizures. in the past 6 month it had happened that when I smoked time seemed to pass on “double-time” like really really fast and voices of YouTube videos sounded quite weird, sometimes when was reading it felt like it takes me less then 3 seconds to read through a pages and sometimes I could hear my heartbeat really really loud and thought it was really fast but when was measuring it everything was fine. I found this forum where people are describing similar situation but there is not a clear diagnose to it yet, some people are talking about DEREALISATION but some people are also diagnosed with SEIZURES due to those episodes were there was also found proof for it in brain storms. I can’t find an English tread where it’s described but if you type in everything feels loud and fast into google you can find treads liked to derealisation but also to partial epilepsy. on New Years I took mdma and it was kind of weird because I needed nearly double the dose of my flatmate even though I didn’t consume it for 3 years in advance, everything felt fine and I felt happy as I always do on mdma. Next day was fine too, but that’s when I started questioning myself more and more, especially because I felt like nothing really had any effect on my mind or my body, like I was non existent. With that I’m talking about the not getting stoned anymore, being able to take very high mdma doses and just stopping to smoke cigarettes without really caring or feeling any withdrawal about it after smoking around twenty cigs for the past 8 years. I got really worried about myself even though I felt good in general, but somehow too good, like nothing really bothered me or could get close to me without the feeling of being depressed. the experience I made that made me stop smoking weed and being scared of ever wanting to take any kind of drug ever in my life again, also made me go to a psychologist since it made me really panic. I started blaming the weird effect of the weed on me, that I couldn’t taste or really smell it on the weed because I know there was going some bad Chinese chemical cannabidoids around close to the town I’m studying in, anyways when I went to my hometown I brought some of it because I somehow got really used to smoking weed and with that I mean a lot of weed, even though I never had a tolerance with it before or anything I started rolling blunts without feeling anything the weeks in advance. Since I was kind of unsure about the weed after I heard about the chemical Chinese thing I rolled a joint and just put a little tiny amount of it in the joint, when I hitted it first I already felt anxious about it, after 4-5 hits I had to stop smoking because everything started feeling very weird for me again, I tried to do some anxiety meditation and while I was sitting on my Yogamatt my whole body started shaking even though I felt relaxed, the speakers voice got so loud even I lowered my laptops tone to the lowest and everything started speeding up, my environment started looking weird as I everything was drawn (now I know that that’s how it looks when you are derealized) but it was just so much worse then my worst state of derealisation, but somehow feeling calm meanwhile. However, that’s when I told myself I need to stop, I already had made an appointment at the psychiatrist before that situation but there were still a few days to go which where really horrific. I posted about those “fast and loud” situations on an neurological Facebook page where people told me about their kids having experienced the exact same and then were diagnosed with epilepsy. now to the current situation: I got really really anxious about what could be wrong with me, I thought I just got schizophrenia or really bad psychosis, but it was just a really bad state of derealisation and an extrem depersonalize where I couldn’t feel myself anymore and felt like someone else was talking and people started looking differently and so on and I felt tense and sweaty 24/7. The psychologist I’m still seeing weekly ever since diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder, depression and derealisation symptoms caused by a childhood trauma (my dad was killed when I was at the age of two). She prescribed seroquel/quetiapin at the lowest dose of 25mg, mainly because she thinks it heals for the derealisation which is kept up by anxiety and to relax my mind again. I took it at night before going to sleep, my bad derealisation and depersonalization actually went away and I felt really really good even though it’s a very low dose, anyways, I’m not really feeling fine with taking meds which made me anxious about the seroquel and check on google all of the time as if it was my main problem now. When reading the first “bad” experiences I started thinking about it in a more negative way even though it still made me feel as good and motivated as I haven’t felt in YEARS, which also freaked me out because I wasn’t used to feeling that good. My psychologist wants to give me the control over the medicating and leaves it up to me if I’m taking it or not, if I stop taking it every now and then to control how I’m feeling without it and so on. right now and don’t really know what to do. I took the seroquel for 1 month now, last week I stopped taking it because I got scared of all the negative side effects I was reading about on the internet. After not taking it I didn’t have any sleeping problems, anyways I don’t feel that motivated anymore and I’m struggling keeping active as much as I did in the Seroquel. I notice those visual effects as “heatwaves”, sometimes a dot infront of my eyes when I’m reading and a thing that I can only describe as seeing the “molecules” in the air but I had those things the past year every now and then without giving them to much value. now that I’m reading about the HPPD which might be my actual problem I don’t really know what to do anymore. I’m scared that taking the Seroquel will disturb my self healing process if HPPD or make it last even though it might have vanished in its own after a few more month on the other hand I feel better with the Seroquel but with all the posts about Seroquel not being good for HPPD it gets me worries that I might worsen the situation or as I already said, make it stay even though it might have been gone in it’s own after a few more month. I don’t want to try out other things but since the LAMOTRIGIN is used for epilepsy and epilepsy might show the same symptoms of the derealisation I had that I now think came from the HPPD rather then from child trauma I somehow think there could be more connection between it and I should try it out but also with that I’m scared that it makes the HPPD manifest and that it will have even worse negative side effects then the low dose of Quetiapin I’m taking. I’m reading that best thing is not taking anything which I feel too but on the other hand I felt so much better with the Seroquel and now that I’m not using it my brain fog and my unmotivatedness and my anxiety makes me feel worse and tired and I actually need to function. I don’t really know what answers or inputs I’m hoping to get from this post of myself I just felt like I need to share everything that’s going through my mind even though it might be kind of confusing. I don’t really feel supported with those thoughts by my psychologist because as I mentioned she’s leaving it up to me if I take it or not. But I just don’t know. I can’t and I don’t want to talk to her about thinking that I have HPPD because I’m scared that she doesn’t know how to treat it and neither does anyone else around where I come from.
  2. Hey there so I think I might have some mild hppd. I have done lsd thrice last summer and had a bad trip once. After that I would have occasional 20 sec flashbacks of color enhancement etc but nothing else. Now three weeks ago I took mdma, and everything was fine after that. I was on a weed break and smoked a few days ago. Ever since I smoke everything is very cattoony, hd colors if you know what I mean, like elongated. Not sure if it's hppd or what. I stopped weed because after that bad trip my weed was often very anxiety inducing and very intense. Now I am hopeful that if I'm lucky and I recover in a few months while being sober. I don't want to do lsd or MD anymore not risking it, but can i still smoke weed, like will that go back to normal. Will these hppd neural pathways be faded out? Like erased. Thanks
  3. In 2011, during a month, I developed a lot of neurological symptoms (I was 20 and then only marijuana several times in my life) - visual snow, palinopsia after images, floaters and tingling of the whole body (24/7), muscle fasciculations. In 2011-2014 I was diagnosed comprehensively (MRI, cerebrospinal fluid, evoked visual potentials, blood etc.). It only turned out that I was infected with Bartonella. I treated myself for several weeks according to ILADS, but finally I gave up. I have learned to live with these symptoms since accepting treatment failure in 2014. Now some of the symptoms are gone, some are still present (like VS, body tingling). Now to the point. A week ago I had the opportunity to take half a pill of ecstasy/mdma (it was my first time in my life, I only thought that LSD can cause permanent vision problems, so under the influence of alcohol I took half a pill). That night I also drunked a loooot of vodka and beer. And I don't remeber second half of the night. The next day I sobered up and read that MDMA may also cause/worse with HPPD/ VS. I got stressed and think my visual symptoms have got a little worse. But I wonder if it's not that under stress and paying attention to visual snow, palinopsia - I just see them more...? 1. Is there anyone here who caused (or worsened) visual snow, palinopsia - after images by ONLY ONE (1st) USE ecstasy / mdma ? I took a half a pill and drink a lot of alcohol (Does alcohol weaken the effect of ecstasy in the brain?) 2. Does it pass someone or is it permanent forever?
  4. Hello guys, it's been a year since i had the same problem as you. Always exactly 1 year I took 150ug of LSD and had a terrible bad trip that traumatized me and left me sequels. I had flashbacks and I missed a lot because of it. Distorted visions in my peripheral field. All this was cured with antipsychotics, especially risperidone (I can not remember the dosage). But what it took to be cured was the emotional sequel that caused me. Psychedelic experiences transform you radically and unfortunately if you are not prepared for them it may take a long time for you to get back on track and I confess that I am not yet 100% healed of this trauma. But what I can say to you is that the worst of all this is not the visions, but the horrible thoughts that go through our heads thanks to the anxiety that causes us. And what I want to know about this post is just that. What are the thoughts that torment you because of this anxiety? Write them in the comments and we'll help each other by talking about them. For example, I used to think all the time that I was getting schizophrenic, that there would be some outbreak, over time this evolved into existential crises where I thought my soul was lost in space time and I was not living reality, just watching it (depersonalization and derealization helped in this).
  5. Hello everyone -- I have been experiencing symptoms of HPPD for about a month now so I figured it's time to find other people with this condition to tell my story and ask more specific questions -- that being said hello out there, nice to meet you and I'm happy this forum exists. Thanks in advance if you're about to take the time to read this.... I have been using psychedelic drugs on and off for about 10 years now. I've always been very careful and aware of harm reduction practices, and have never really had a "bad" trip before. This summer I spent about a month in Berlin and partied pretty hard, I used mainly MDMA, but also ketamine, speed, alcohol and weed. (from most used to least used) So, I didn't do any "proper" psychedelic drugs (I do think MDMA and especially ketamine are psychedelic). My most recent "proper" psychedelic trip was 7g of mushrooms about 6 months prior. I used to take a lot of MDMA but it has been quite a few years (3-4?) since I've taken so much of it over an extended period of time. While I was in Berlin I did a lot of MDMA, give or take about 4 days on and 3 days off for the month. Note that this is nothing compared to how some of the hardcore locals party, and I mention that to point out that I don't understand why this is happening to me and not other people? Obviously we don't know, but for real, why meee??Anyways if I take a large enough amount of MDMA (1/2 of a really good pill) I almost always experience psychedelic visuals. When I was in experiencing this in Berlin I would ask whoever I split a pill with if they were seeing the visuals that I was, and they never were. I only asked a handful of people but it's still a bit strange that they weren't seeing what I was when we took the same thing, and this ruled out my thinking that maybe I was given MDA, 2CB, or something more psychedelic instead of MDMA. The visuals are very similar to what I experience on acid/shrooms, but very gentle and more heavy on the geometric patterns. The first night I was there I took 2 pills of really good MDMA and I was super fucked up, sitting on a bench, trying to keep my eyes open so I didn't get kicked out of Berghain, all the while watching light reflections in the air flip from 3D and then to 2D, almost like a hologram glitching out. My depth perception was wonky and trippy and everyone I saw had thin, bright technicolor halos around their bodies with little swirls here and there around their features. When I'm tripping I always really pay attention to the patterns that show up in my skin and in the walls (also in the sky and certain kinds of organic formations). I describe this pattern to people as Aztec lace that kind of flows and pulses through everything. I've tried to draw it before because it looks as if it could be drawn, but it's elusive and moves around so it can't really be captured. I see this exact same "pattern" on acid, mushrooms and now on MDMA. One night in a club I got stuck in the bathroom watching these patterns on the wall of the stall, they were so vivid and I was also seeing animals and creatures showing themselves to me from within the walls which was new to me. I'll stop attempting to tell about all of the fun, trippy (crazy) stuff that I experience/d on MDMA but I am generally curious if this is common for people who use it who dont have hppd, (I do have some friends who don't have hppd who have had psychedelic visuals on MDMA) and also whether people who have hppd have had similar experiences on MDMA. I noticed my hppd symptoms one day towards the end of my stay in Berlin because this pattern that I see in my skin stopped going away. At this point in time I had started using a lot of speed and was a bit sleep deprived. One night I didn't sleep and still went out the next evening and took MDMA. (a lot of other people I was partying with do this kind of thing often and I don't think they've developed hppd) Ever since those few days I have constantly been able to look at my forearm and undeniably see the aztec lace. I continued to use MDMA for a few more times after noticing that the patterns weren't going away when I sobered up, and they would just fade a little and be less noticeable when I got sober and would get more intense when I was using. One of the mornings after going out I couldn't even tell if my pupils were still huge or if my perception was just fucked up and I wasn't able to tell if I was sober or not because at this point I had full on hppd symptoms. When using MDMA the visuals got a lot more intense, but maybe because I was paying a lot of attention to them. One of the last mornings after taking MDMA I literally saw "the pattern" slowly morph into a fucking portal in the wall next to my bed. It was beautiful and strange and spiritual-ish (?) but at this point I decided to stop giving it so much attention and that I needed to take a break and do a fucking detox. I did some research and I wasn't freaking out because I figured it would fade away and that I just did too much speed or something and it will all get out of my system. Well here I am today a month later and I can still see the pattern in my skin (and other people's skin, etc.) Note that I always see this pattern when I'm tripping on "proper" psychedelics and would aaalways wonder WHY the hell it can be so undeniably real, right there in my arm, but when I'm sober it's completely gone! I would wish that I could just see this beautiful interesting shit when I'm sober. Well, here I am... be careful what you wish for I guess. I've been reading a lot about this and i definitely think its a real disorder, but maybe manifests in different ways for different people. We do not understand the human brain very well, let alone what psychedelics are doing to them so no wonder a disorder like this is so elusive. What I do know for sure is that I was never able to notice this pattern when I was sober, no matter how fucking hard I tried to, and I really have tried to see it when I'm sober with no luck. Now trying not to see it can be difficult sometimes. This is new. The anxiety element is the only thing that worries me. I had my first panic attack last summer and haven't really had one since but now I feel it creeping in sometimes like it might take over and fuck me up which is really scary in itself. So I've avoided what felt like the beginnings of a few panic attacks since then. I got the panic attack in the first place because I had taken Kratom and then touched a wet vile of acid and thought I dosed myself -- so rightfully so I freaked out. It lasted an hour and I thought I was going to die but I didn't dose myself and everything was fine. I felt a bit of panic creeping in in the few days after I self-diagnosed with hppd but I'm mostly ok with it now that I've realized that my brain is mostly ok, from what I'm capable of noticing I haven't done any serious damage. The problem is that I feel like in the future it may be far more difficult for me to take psychedelics, and I worry I may give myself a panic attack and think I'll get stuck like this forever or whatever. I do NOT want to stop taking psychedelics, though. I've read that weed is the worst trigger and makes symptoms worse, and I rarely smoke weed so I have no serious problem with giving that up. I haven't smoked yet since getting hppd, though, and I wonder if it's worth it since I'm only a month in to see what happens. TLDR: MDMA bender gave me HPPD --> SYMPTOMS: "acid pattern" is undeniably noticeable in my skin and other things like walls and certain kinds of surfaces. It does come out more when I pay attention to it but it's distracting on other people's faces and I have to try not to pay attention to it when talking to people (especially people with freckles). I also have visual snow, trailing, and generally a bit of brain fog. It also really affects me on the computer when I'm reading (right this instant) because the letters are swaying. It gets much worse at night and with anxiety or attention, BUT this is NOT all in my head or purely because of anxiety/attention. I noticed one morning that the "acid pattern" didn't go away, and this is undeniable: It is still here and it wasn't here before. I have some other symptoms as well but I'll stop rambling here because Ive told the main points of my story and explained my symptoms. In conclusion : I'd like to hear what some of you think of my experience, if it's similar or different to yours, etc. Any suggestions or recommendations. As interesting as it is I would like to go back to normal, but am in the process of accepting that I might not and will have to be extra careful with my drug use in the future, which reeeally saddens me actually, now that I'm typing it out!! I am always so careful with drugs and usually really responsible but I just went a liiitle bit out of bounds and now I have fucking hppd, shit!! I also am just intellectually interested in all of this stuff... I like to speculate about what exactly happens within this particular kind of psychedelic pattern recognition and what it means in the big picture questions about reality and consciousness. Anyways.. thanks again if you read this and I hope to chat with some of you ~
  6. Hi friends — My experience with HPPD started about 4 1/2 years ago, with a single dose of MDMA. For me, my symptoms are: anxiety/panic, DP/DR, visual snow, flashing solid colors, some tinnitus, and seeing movement in geometric patterns. Also: I used to always be a “crier” and someone who feels their emotions very deeply. During the first few weeks of HPPD, I cried so much, some times out of misery, some times out of gratitude to still be alive, some times because I heard some beautiful music and felt connected to it. But then after a few weeks my emotionality faded, which I assume must have been a psychological coping mechanism. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety that I had to shut down emotionally to stay sane. So no more tears or feelings of meaningful connection. I still want to feel those cry-feels so bad!. Over the next two years I got better at managing my symptoms, but saw little to no improvement in them. I was still smoking weed often (my bad) & still couldn’t really FEEL, and my anxiety was off the charts 24/7. It was absolute hell every waking day. A little over two years ago I started on 10mg Celexa, and the improvement I saw in my anxiety levels was life changing. Not gone completely, but I started feeling significantly better and my anxiety attacks became fewer and farther between. Worked my way up to 20mg, which is my current dose. A few months ago I finally found a neuro who is actually familiar with HPPD, who added Lamictal, ramping up VERY slowly (I only got up to 37.5mg/day). In the first month (2 weeks on 12.5, 2 weeks on 25) I started to notice my visual symptoms clearing up slightly and my brain feeling a bit clearer. It was actually the best I had felt since before HPPD and I was excited to continue ramping up on the lamictal, hoping it might help get me to a place where I can really feel emotions aside from anxiety again. After that first month though, things started to get unpleasant again. Bouts of anxiety attacks, some good days, some very bad. It felt like I had been consistently alright for a while, but now my worst symptoms are pushing their way back in. I also developed minor muscle twitches every few minutes, which was completely new. I was prescribed Klonopin after a particularly bad anxiety attack and now I take 0.25mg when I feel myself getting panicky. I don’t like it, but it does keep me from panic. I quit smoking weed then (a few months ago), but that hasn’t helped. My hopeful suspicion is that perhaps I’m experiencing SSRI “poop out” with my Celexa, and could therefore ideally switch SSRIs and continue with lamictal. My neuro says the only way to know that for sure is to come back off the lamictal and see how it feels to just be on the Celexa again. Back down to 25 from 37.5 lamictal and feeling a bit worse actually, but my neuro says I need to get down to zero and wait two months to see what the deal really is. I’d much rather keep my lamictal dosage as is, and try switching to a different SSRI, as that just feels more “right” to me - but she’s the professional so ... If it turns out that I’m actually not tolerating lamictal well, I am interested in looking into sinemet... it seems to have been a wonder drug for some people here, but I would be very worried about developing dyskinesia, as I work in a field where that could ruin my career. No targeted questions here really, just looking to share relevant experiences/advice with other HPPD’ers. PS: for anyone doing the ol’ downward mental spiral in these forums and feeling hopeless (like I used to), things WILL get better. I’m still having struggles but I’m not in hell like I used to be, and life is very worth living for me right now! I have my bachelors and masters degrees, a solid career at 25, wonderful friendships, and going by objective criteria, am a fully functional human being. You will be okay! Keep advocating for yourself!
  7. Hello! I'm from Russia, sorry for bad english. 18 Year/50kg I use MDA 27octoberr, 170 mg. After 7 hours panic, I can not recognize myself in the mirror. called the doctor, I received 10 mg of phenazepam, and 5 mg of haloperidol. Has overslept some days. all was good. but on November 5, I made the mistake of using 65 micrograms of MDMA, and weed. the next day, all the thoughts in my head were gone, I felt terrible, I thought I was sick. a week later nothing changed, I went to a psychiatrist, I was told that this is depersonalization, and appointed mirtazapine. I ceased to accept it, because visual hallucinations started, the walls somehow breathed, I feel my body two times weaker than usual, as if numb everything. After mirtazapine returned the appetite, before that I forced myself to eat through strength. I feel now that I'm very dull, thoughts in my head if I have, then only about "where did they go? Where are they?". hallucinations continue until now. What can you advise, after all a month has passed, and my condition has not changed much, I feel complete emptiness inside of myself, I have lost all interests, I can not write music any more, I can not do anything ..
  8. A few nights ago i decided to take mdma idiotically because my symptoms were so much better after 4 months of abstaining from drugs, well during the trip and afterwards i can say i believe i know whats it like to have the full 9 yards of hppd. During the trip it was horrifying, faces everywhere on my floor on my dogs fur on my wall, my feet were itchy i could feel the anxiety and paranoia but i think the mdma helped me manage to stay happy. The next day i learned of all the severity of symptoms that other people have that i dont, my ghosting was not just only above like it usually is, but it was below and side by side, 4x as worse as what it usually was. When people talk about starbursting, i used to think that was normal, but no i saw what it really was like, and i saw afterimages of literally everything. My visual snow was creating flying cars or weird hallucinations that i couldnt completely make out, my anxiety had been almost the same as it was before. Thankfully 4 days later it seems as if im back to the baseline as to where it was before. Guys, mdma used to be my drug, i used to do it every day before work but now i cant stomach it. So my message to you is, if you have hppd, DRUGS ARE NOT WORTH IT.
  9. 19 year old male. Have had mild visual snow and other slight visual defects as long as can remember. Since approximately 15 have suffered with short, intense migraines around once every three months (I believe caused by sleep pattern inconsistencies) accompanied with classic visual auras (loss of vision spreading across one eye). Around three months ago I tried mdma for the first time (I trust the source and purity) and have done it twice since. Noticed no significant change after first try (small dose). However, second time (very large dose, between 400 and half a g) I noticed difficulty reading, more visual snow, light flashes etc which peaked about four days after and, for the most part, subsided after three weeks. Third time, medium dose, hppd symptoms have returned, particularly visual snow and small amounts of light flashing. Three weeks on and I fear this may be more long term; however, it is currently not something that is an impediment to my day to day life. Naturally, I am fascinated by what substances have to offer, particularly mdma, but also psychedelics. Questions: 1. have others found that all doses of mdma worsen symptoms; or, can low doses that don't fully overload 5htp receptors be used without damage? 2. I feel that those who have visual auras and migraines are far more likely to develop hppd. Would others say that this is particularly true of mdma? Would I also be more at risk of negative effects from more classic psychedelics such as lsd or shrooms? Obviously I am aware that taking any psychoactive substance is a risk and should not be advised however, I would value some objective input. Essentially, I am asking whether my experiences with hppd from mdma would mean my likelihood of hppd from other drugs is higher? Or are there ways to control dosages to reduce the risks (for example, trying half a tab of acid in isolation and observing symptoms over a couple of months). I am prepared to abstain from serotonergic drugs, however, this would not be a comfortable decision. I am grateful to be in a position where I have the option of avoiding serious long-term damage; however, if anyone thinks there is any chance of me being able to manage usage conservatively I am interested to hear. Thanks P.S I have used DMT twice with no observable hppd
  10. More or less, I was wondering what everyone thought about taking MDMA after recovering from HPPD. If anyone has any of their own experiences as well that would be fantastic. I'll give some background information to my HPPD to help you decide whether you think I could take MDMA again, and just in case anyone is interested in my HPPD journey. I'm pretty sure my HPPD is primarily, if not exclusively weed related. My symptoms have been visual (visual snow, moving lines, and by far my biggest symptom was violent shaking of my peripheral vision), anxiety (largely caused by the vision symptoms), and small amounts of DP/DR. My HPPD began in March 2015 and in the year prior to this I smoked weed a few times a week and took LSD, MDMA and 2CB a few times as well. However from December 2014 - February 2015 whenever I got too high I would experience the violent shaking of my peripheral vision for the duration of my high. In February I stopped taking drugs, and then in March the visual shaking began happening while I was sober. I then experienced all of the symptoms permanently. Hence I believe weed caused my HPPD because my symptoms began while I was high on weed. Since getting HPPD I stopped all drugs use completely besides alcohol (which has little if any effect on my HPPD). The first few weeks were hell, constant panic attacks about my shaky vision. Over the next 3 months, until June, my symptoms became manageable but still very uncomfortable. Since July I have no longer experienced the shaking of my peripheral vision whatsoever. I would say that I have been cured since around the beginning of October or mid-October. My DP/DR is completely gone. My peripheral vision no longer shakes. My only lingering symptoms are visual snow (which is dying down, I no longer get this every day and when I do it's very minor) and small amounts of anxiety, which I probably had before HPPD anyway. Straight lines still wiggle a little bit, but my symptoms are now essentially unnoticeable unless I focus on them, so I consider myself cured. I imagine that my symptoms will have gone entirely within a few months from now. So, bearing all this in mind, does anyone have any thoughts on taking MDMA on a rare basis from now on? I have no intention to smoke weed or take psychedelics in the foreseeable future, but I'm desperate to take 200mg of MDMA this weekend. I have never reacted negatively to MDMA in the last and not have I ever had any open eye hallucinations on MDMA.
  11. Hey all, I've been stalking this forum for a while now, haven't had the chance to sign up properly since issues validating my account but here I am. I'm 20 and I live on the eastern coast of Australia. I've had what I think is HPPD pushing onto 7 months now. I got mine from 6-7 months of moderate ecstasy use, 3 first months were every four weeks. There was a month between during university holidays where I'd have 4-6 pills in a night (but would never take two at once); it was more of a keep me going where I'd often stay in the club until 8/9am. After that period I realised how dumb that was of me, and only stuck to 1-3 pills every fortnight/three weeks, which in hindsight was still incredibly dumb. Anyways, I had my first major scare when I took an e and a capsule of mephedrone (bath salts, which I didn't know at the time//first time taking it), which I had bad hallucinations on for a bit. The next few weeks were horrible/anxiety-ridden, as I've always been against hallucinogens due to their potential of flashbacks - particularly cos it was bathsalts, I was worried of going psychotic. I had occasional random static on people's faces in the dark which gave me a fright but it slowly went away. I also had this weird static around plain objects, but slowly diminished in time/thought it was always there. 4 weeks later my anxiety improved a lot (after exams), and I went out again and took two halves of an ecstasy pill (MDA) throughout the night. Had a few anxious episodes but was all good. A week later was when I realised I had this faint static on the plain walls, which is when my anxiety shot through the roof - I thought I had done permanent damage. It was only after countless searching up symptoms to when I realised I had just more than static: - colourful static/flickering vision in dim light rooms, carpets, plain walls, occasionally around objects - negative palinopsia which sometimes looks like halos depending on light conditions - colours sometimes got more intense (which now has gone away) - only trails in peripheral vison/when i blur my eyes... which is normal I think - colourful spirals in centre of my vision in the dark which come and go - the feeling of shadows/blotches moving around my room in dark (this is what scared me the most) - intensity varies, read its common from ecstasy abuse... Anywho, reading up on all these symptoms (questioning myself if I got DP/DR, which I don't) got me severly depressed/chronically anxious so I saw many doctors and told my parents. After being on an SNRI for approximately 5 months now, safe to say I've never felt better. My visual disturbances (sometimes I think the SNRI made it worse) are still persistent but only inside or in the dark. I stupidly have done half a bump of ket and GHB a few times, both of which I didn't find interesting/fun at all, without any increases of visual symptoms. I still drink 1-2 times a week without any issues, and play sport twice a week. My ability to focus on things in sport/static in the sky after intense exercise annoys me a little bit but what can you do. Sometimes I'm hopeful that these symptoms will go away, but it seems like 90% of the time they don't so I try not to worry about them. So yeah, HPPDer through ecstasy use Wishing the best of luck within all your recoveries (y)
  12. Hi I'll give you the cliffs of my story real quick: Did MDMA once, combined with alcohol and it ruined my brain. For a little over 11 months I've suffered from, and continue to suffer from: Anxiety (Recovered, at least it seems like it) Depression DP/DR HPPD Insomnia Dizzyness Headaches Mild bruxism, though horrible tension headaches Food intolerances Bad IBS An array of cognitive impairments Indescribable suffering ??? etc Now, my question is whether working in this condition could actually be detrimental to my recovery? I had a long summer break, 7 weeks, during which I felt very good, and had many days where I was symptom free. And I had weeks and weeks where I was close to symptom free, living an absolutely fulfilling life. This carried on to the first month and a half working, I felt great. However, now I've been on a steady decline since the end of September, and I'm starting to get scared that work is actually annihilating me further. Work is now extremely hard, and I have to fight to get through it. I think I'm actually fighting harder now than I did during the first 3 months. The only reason I'm able to keep fighting is because I hope I will feel better again in a short while, but it does not seem to be happening. I'm scared that I'm now deteriorating myself permanently by working like this. What should I do? I live in a country with very reasonable health care/disability options.
  13. Just a quick one to ask if anyone who's experienced success with Keppra had developed HPPD from MDMA use, or had their HPPD significantly exacerbated by MDMA. I've just noted that a few of the unfortunate non-responsive cases have been in people with MDMA-related HPPD and wanted to know if there's any tangible connection there or not.
  14. Hello. My name is Jose and I live in San Diego and I have HPPD that is caused from 20 years of drug usage. I am 34 and started using when I was 14. First it was pot, then a little drinking, then it turned to psychedelics such as LSD and then mushrooms, and graduated to meth, cocaine, and then PCP. I first experienced HPPD when I was 17 and I went to a rave and took about 8 hits of acid at once. I was gone frying for about 4 days straight. I thought when I permanently saw the static snow vision never leave me that it was "cool". Now some 15 years later it is not cool to still have it. I am telling you I would smoke weed and then boom, break into this crazy psychosis that would have me tripping out hard, melting into my own fantasy land, thinking I was going to die, begging God to let me come down off of it. Life was a nightmare. I had depersonalization, would cry because I was literally in a bad world. The world we live in became a scary, trippy place. After a nervous breakdown and near suicide attempt to get me off my trip, I finally calmed down. I went to see a doctor because amazingly enough I had insurance due to me being a bing partier and having a great career. I always managed to hold a great job and still be able to party my butt off and come to work. The atmosphere at work of being alone in a quiet cubicle while coming down really made it easier to deal with. Sadly, human interaction scares me because I have these facial distortions when I stare too long in a conversation. My mind drifts. Anyway, let me stay on track. After the breakdown I got a DUI and I sobered up. This lasted 4 months and man they were the GREATEST four months of my life. I was in good shape, eating well, no alcohol, no drugs, and my mind was clearer than ever and I was anxiety and HPPD free. Then after four months my birthday came around, and all hell broke lose. Well, I was tougher mentally but the panic attacks would come after drinking when I had hangovers. They were the worst. Although I hadn't touched pot or drugs in almost 3 years, I thought I had beaten the HPPD. Then a month ago I was drunk and met some shady people on my block and started to tweak again. Then do blow, then drink, all on 3 day weekend bingers. So from the end of Sept 2011 until this past weekend, 11/12/2011, I was doing it hard again. Tweak, weed, drinking, cigarettes, and steady diet of death. Then I came back to work this past Monday the 14th, and the HPPD packed up and decided to join along for the ride. I have been on a permanent HPPD trip from hell ever since, and I know the only way to stop it is to do this: DO NOT DRINK, DO NOT DO DRUGS. Stay away from caffeine, and no cigarettes!!! Seriously, it WILL go away but you need to stay away from the people, the bars, the triggers, the MUSIC, anything that can make you want to party, do away with it. Expel it from your life. And WORK OUT. It helps. Laugh. Find a hobby, cook, and most of all, if it helps, find God. You don't have to be all hardcore bible thumping former gangster saved type a' dude, just find a higher power to beleive in to get you through. For me, I need to be homebound for a good month before I attend my meetings at Kaiser. I don't do N.A. or A.A. I do a general group or see a therapist. Even THIS is a support group to me. Then after a month of home "detox" and the gym and eating I finally get outside and take a meeting in slowly. I go to church again. i start enjoying activities such as the movies or eating in public and driving when I am sober. And finally the home stretch of staying clean. I understand what all of you are going through. I thank God I found this site. I went to my Therapists and Psychiatrists and they say HPPD "is not officially recognized". I say fuck them. One, they never did drugs, and two, they either catagorize it as Schitzophrenia, or severe anxiety or drug addiction. I still say fuck them, They have no idea this really exists. Until someone in a medical journal says it is ok to treat HPPD and they develop a coures where the freakin Therapists meet their mandatory 20 hour training in regards to "HPPD" will they realize this is for real. I am here to support ANYONE and ALL of you. Thank you for listening. God bless. -Jose in San Diego.
  15. So I'm just trying to find some commonalities amongst all of us and determine what the main culprit in causing HPPD is(i.e. frequency, dosage, substance). So if you could just list the drugs you used up until HPPD and what substances you used after HPPD and how frequently, I'd appreciate it. Also, if you could state whether or not your HPPD was instantaneous after a particular experience or gradual.....I guess really I just want like as detailed of an account as your trying to give from the time you started using drugs up until this point. If you don't wanna read this entire thing(It's kinda long) just skip to the bottom. Story: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{So for me I smoked weed for about a year before my HPPD "hit" I had done ecstasy around 20-25 times, taken LSD about 5 times, shrooms once, cocaine twice, and pills every now and then(klonopin, xanax, vicodin) but not very often. The bulk of my ecstasy use was the summer before I got into LSD.......After all my ecstasy use I had a little HPPD, I would see trails on certain things and I had a little light sensitivity but nothing out of control. It really didn't bother me at all, everything just looked a little more vibrant and alive. So then sophomore year(when I started using LSD) of college I found a LSD hook up and started trippin. I tripped 3 times over like 1 1/2 months and felt completely fine. No anxiety or weird visuals and my weed highs were still normal. Then I took like a 2 week break and then tripped acid twice more within like 3 weeks of each other. After these two trips things started to go down hill. These last 2 acid trips I had were terrible. I was really paranoid and one of my friends was screwing with me the entire time and the experiences left me in some odd state of mind. Afterwards things started to look a little "acid-like" when I was sober but I still felt like everything was ok. However whenever I would smoke weed I started to clam up and have a lot of anxiety and couldn't really speak straight at all. So I decided to take a break on weed for Christmas break and when I tried to smoke once second semester started the problems were like 20 times worse. From here on out things gradually got worse and worse, I tried to continue smoking as I thought if I regained my tolerance weed would go back to normal. After a bit of this the weird delusional thoughts and anxiety started creeping into my sober life and I decided to stop smoking weed. But, I did decide to do DMT twice and LSD once in an attempt to have a good experience and maybe redirect where everything was heading. It didn't really help....it made the visuals slightly worse but overall was just a waste of time and money. So I decided to stop with all the psychedelics and was "sober" for about a month before I went to a 2 day rave. I took ecstasy both days thinking I could never have a bad experience with that but did and that weekend worsened my visuals quite a bit. So........about a month later I got hit with DP and that was about 7 months ago.....I've taken ecstasy twice since DP hit.....Once was terrible and once was actually enjoyable. I've been more or less sober since around August except for a few drinks from time to time. So yea that's my drug story.....all of that was within about a year and a half from the first time I smoked weed to the time I got DP.}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I don't expect most people to of read all of that but mainly what I'm wanting is just to know what you believe the main culprit of your DP/DR/HPPD was. I think for me it was the two negative experiences I had on LSD. Those two experiences just set in a negative undertone to my subsequent drug use from that point forward. I feel like if I had kept the same frequency of drug usage but avoided those negative trips then I never would've developed anxiety that never would've led to DP and I don't believe my HPPD would've gotten as bad.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.