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C'mere

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  • Gender
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  • Location
    London
  • Interests
    Music,music,music,hppd

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  1. Ok so, I've posted here before.. I haven't been on here in maybe a little over a year so obviously I could do with talking again. I'm basically looking for some advice- where people think I should get meds or what I should do, hopefully some people can relate to what I'm going through. Ok so, at the end of 2009 I took acid with my friend, I was going fine until I had what I think was a panic attack during the trip. I actually calmed and enjoyed the rest, though I was slightly on edge. I woke up the next morning fine and got on with everything. About a month later I was on my own in my parents house when I had a panic attack and went to A&E w/ heart palpitations.. I haven't been the same sense. I'm attributing what I'm feeling now and since then to HPPD. Basically, I'm less anxious compared to when it first kicked in but now I feel.... numb, down a lot of the time, I have very low self esteem, I am happy and content one minute and the next I'm angry at something someone said yesterday and so down, I get scared of being in unfamiliar places, I am terrified of flying and being in strange countries.. if you asked my friends or family, they would say I'm fine.. I cover it well and I have improved a lot since it happened but I'm still now right. I don't know if I'm depressed or anxious or what I should do. Every night I'm having lucid nightmares where I wake up and then I can see static and different images in front of my eyes. I'm completely ruling out telling family or friends. I'm really just looking for advice. I used to be laid back.. I'm sick of feeling so muddled and constantly thinking of ridiculous possibilities and outcomes and having a constantly racing mind. I'm in no way at peace. Seeing as how I have improved a lot since 2009- i.e a lot less panicked and hardly any panic attacks these days.. Do I need to visit a doctor? I am scared of trying medication because I don't want to get even more messed up. Can anyone give me some advice? Does this sound like depression or anxiety? I actually think I could be much worse off and I am very thankful for everything I have but I can't help but feel like my life could be so much better. I would really appreciate any help! Thanks a million
  2. Crazy pains in my back..this is so strange that everyone seems to be able to relate
  3. I was a bit quick to dismiss it completely.It's true that I don't take things for granted as much anymore.That would be awesome if you could send it on man..it sounds like we're in similar situations.I'm hungover today which means it will be multiplied by 1000..can't wait
  4. That shit is all a quick fix for the anxiety though isn't it?it will always come to get you...it fucking freaks me out and to be honest now I'm just plain sick of it.I'm tired.I know it's not going to kill me and more than anything now I'm just pissed off.I want things to be the way they used to be.Normal.I didn't have a care in the world and now I have anxiety close to 24/7..I'm anxious about being anxious...what sense does that even make?I feel as though I'll be on a train or something like..I'm fine,everything is going okay and then..wait actually...are you going insane today?why??it's not a thought but more of a feeling..If I could go back in time I would kick the absolute shit out of myself for even thinking of taking LSD.Bogus drug for night which was only ok
  5. Cheers Josh..I really appreciate hearing things like that.I mean when I am relaxed..I'm rational but on a bus,the underground or something I'll just have thought and that's it..I've decided I'm going insane there and then.I will never use another drug again..I decided that after my first panic attack. What age are you btw?Do you find it effects you often? Niall
  6. I've been holding it in since late 2008..I handled it.I'm over panic attacks and depersonalization..it's day to fear of anxiety and losing my mind(that's all yep)I should tell them I know..cheers for your advice.I just don't want to disappoint them
  7. Can I just say..I will never...ever tell my parents.I would rather suffer in silence.There is no way they could ever understand
  8. Ok, hello there..I've posted in several HPPD sites before and removed my profile because I either felt or that by taking it down I could convince myself that nothing was wrong.I've never told anyone my story before and more than anything I would just like to know if people had any of the same thoughts as me... My first time taking hard drugs was 2 and half tabs at the end of 2009.The trip started ok until I had a panic attack..a friend calmed me down and convinced me that everything was ok.I started to feel ok and I had an ok night..I woke up the next morning feeling fine and this continued for the next month, until Christmas night I looked in the mirror and had this crazy panic attack..I was immediately struck by pangs of anxiety and felt as though I was going insane!!I went to sleep that night but woke with heart palputations so I asked my parents to take me to the a and e..I told them that I didn't take any drugs because I couldn't admit to myself that was the problem.For the next year or so I felt like death..terrible depersonalization and just general fear as though I was going crazy..For a while last year I felt like one of the survivors..as though I had beaten it and I was proud but deep down I'm just not right..I currently live in London and my family are back in Ireland and I just feel when I'm out and walking around that my mind could go blank at any moment and that I will lose all memories and forget everything and everyone I know and that any day I will just push myself over that line and end up insane.I have night terrors and pangs of pain in my head..Granted, most of the time I'm ok but this frustration...these fucking nightmares.I just had to write it all down.I know I am intelligent and these thoughts are irrational and are probably fear but I can't help but feel that it will beat me some time..I don't know what to say or how to put these emotions properly into words but jesus...for someone who used to be so laid back I just feel as though my world has been turned upside down..I hope that some of you can relate to what I'm saying..cocaine,weed....kids need to be made more aware of drugs like mushrooms and lsd asap.
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