Ok so, I've posted here before.. I haven't been on here in maybe a little over a year so obviously I could do with talking again.
I'm basically looking for some advice- where people think I should get meds or what I should do, hopefully some people can relate to what I'm going through.
Ok so, at the end of 2009 I took acid with my friend, I was going fine until I had what I think was a panic attack during the trip. I actually calmed and enjoyed the rest, though I was slightly on edge. I woke up the next morning fine and got on with everything. About a month later I was on my own in my parents house when I had a panic attack and went to A&E w/ heart palpitations.. I haven't been the same sense.
I'm attributing what I'm feeling now and since then to HPPD. Basically, I'm less anxious compared to when it first kicked in but now I feel.... numb, down a lot of the time, I have very low self esteem, I am happy and content one minute and the next I'm angry at something someone said yesterday and so down, I get scared of being in unfamiliar places, I am terrified of flying and being in strange countries.. if you asked my friends or family, they would say I'm fine.. I cover it well and I have improved a lot since it happened but I'm still now right. I don't know if I'm depressed or anxious or what I should do. Every night I'm having lucid nightmares where I wake up and then I can see static and different images in front of my eyes. I'm completely ruling out telling family or friends. I'm really just looking for advice. I used to be laid back.. I'm sick of feeling so muddled and constantly thinking of ridiculous possibilities and outcomes and having a constantly racing mind. I'm in no way at peace.
Seeing as how I have improved a lot since 2009- i.e a lot less panicked and hardly any panic attacks these days.. Do I need to visit a doctor? I am scared of trying medication because I don't want to get even more messed up. Can anyone give me some advice? Does this sound like depression or anxiety? I actually think I could be much worse off and I am very thankful for everything I have but I can't help but feel like my life could be so much better.
I would really appreciate any help! Thanks a million