JRossR7

Feels as though I can’t filter out unimportant information ^^^

So my hppd has flared up from drug use and I don’t mind the visuals at all now but my head feels like it’s in a different universe. My brain used to be very very quiet and I could process or read a lot of information quite quickly and I was a very fast forward person however now things like reading feels very foreign to me and my inner voice seems to be very loud when I’m reading. My brain is constantly muffled with music and thoughts and previous phone calls I’ve had during the day. I’m always inside my head so much to the point that I can’t focus on what I’m doing externally. It’s horrible. My mind used to be so silent and I could always focus on what others were saying and I would have great comprehension and now my brain feels so melted. I’m on a bunch of healthy supplements and I’m trying to boost my gaba currently incase it is that but I’ve got no idea. My brain is always chattering even when it feels silent in there? Idk how to explain it hoping someone has experienced the same.

Ah dude I’m trying so hard man but not even enjoying watching tv or playing video games because a song is going through my head is extremely annoying. I’m trying to accept it but it’s so damn hard. Thank you tho

I’m praying that mine is just a flare up. It’s only been 3 weeks since I last done cocaine but life is so unbearable right now and I haven’t noticed any changes in the 3 weeks

For sure. I’ve messaged Jay as well just awaiting a response. He’s a good guy, I took a lot of advice from him when I first got HPPD. I got prescribed Sertraline but I’ve heard that SSRI’s can make visual symptoms much worse so didn’t want to risk it. I should’ve been scared of drugs in the past after experiencing this first but now I’m really scared of anything that could make it worse. I’ve been tempted to try benzos or anti psychotic / anti epileptic but not sure how I’d get prescribed them as I live in the UK.

Thanks Nick, you’re a real gem. Did your visuals return to baseline or did you make them Perma worse? It’s mainly just the auditory hallucinations that I get that are extremely annoying. Whenever I watch a video with a song it’s immediately stuck in my head over and over and over again no matter what I’m doing or if I’m watching tv. I know I’m not schizo tho because I know what I hear in my brain isn’t real and I have no paranoia or delusions etc. and I wish wish wish I could forget about the HPPD like I could in the past but the VS is on every damn surface now…. I know some people have to worse so I really do pray for them but I’m struggling so much atm. Didn’t even sleep last night because of all the chatter going on in my brain. Even with the fan on and headphones in listening to thunderstorms.

Wow that sounds magical. I would love to have a family. I’ve just been on the phone with Samaritans trying to keep myself alive. I want to believe it’s just a flare up and time will heal it again but it’s so hard to get through each day at the minute. What drugs did you do and how much worse did you make it?

I had my full life back and barely noticed my HPPD anymore but I just want to kill myself so so badly to get away from this pain. Why did I do drugs again? I feel like bursting into tears right now. I want to live so badly but I might just end it today. I feel like there’s no hope for me.

long story short i got hppd back in 2019 from using lsd once. went through all the motions and managed to beat it and got used to it after 6 months. stupidly done cocaine 3-4 times over 3 years and noticed that i mightve made it ever so slightly worse whereas sometimes it didnt affect me. recently done coke twice in october and now my visual snow is on every single surface, i cant unsee it. auditory hallucinations have started as well, its not schizo as i have spoken with others who experience the exact same thing as me... brain chatter at night and in the morning and ill usually always have a song going through my head all throughout the day. its getting unbearable, for the last 3 weeks ive thought about suicide everyday... ive reached out to specialists in the uk but havent heard back... worried ive fucked my life up. I got through this the first time and was enjoying every aspect of life and now im back in this hole and dont see a way out. pls help