Hello people,
This is my first time posting in a forum outside reddit so if I did a mistake posting please correct me. Also i am having extrem concentration problems and english isn´t my native language.
So for the last 1 year and 8 months now I am sitting at home unable to work, study, watch movies or play video games for an extensive amount of time due to my heavy hppd symptoms, life really has been a living hell.
I have a feeling that there is a giant energy ball inside my head pushing on my nerves and just beeing normally awake is extremley painful. it kind of feels like a constant alcohol hangover or like sleep deprevation although i dont drink anymore and sleep enough. its just extremley painful to be awake...
Im posting here on this forum to get maybe some tips how i can heal at least the head pressure since i cannot live with it.
Backstory:
My HPPD started after just a tiny tiny dose of truffel (psylocibin mushrooms) mixed with a single pull from a marijuana joint back in 2018. I have visual snow when it gets dark which really did not bother me that much since its very light and only there in the dark. I just was sad that i couldnt do psychedelics anymore since i found them magically interesting back in the day.
I was able to live with it perfectlly fine and didnt do psychdelics afterwards apart from maybe some microdosing extremley rarley. On the 28th of february 2021 I consumed Ectasy, the sixth time in 3 1/2 years. The effects were very weird, it started with a heavy dysphoria and only after taking more a small euphoria arrived. We all started hallucinating very hard and the effects felt off. We tested the substance prior with a test kit but im still convinced that it was not real mdma but probably some new knock off. we were 4 people taking it, one friend of mine had to get mental health counceling after it since he had a feeling his heart would explode at any minute, thankfully he is better now. So 2 out of 4 people got seriousley burnt from this experience. The following day i took 0,5 mg of alprazolam which i got prescribed due to anxiety. The day after this my symptoms started. I could not concentrate at anything, beeing awake just hurt my brain so much, the constant energy ball in my head, my jaw felt electrified. Those symptoms prevailed for 1 1/2 weeks when i decided to take around 200mg of tilidin, a german opioid similiar to oxycodon, my sympotms where then all gone and i was happy, expect the visual snow but that was okay. I took the opioid since i was exrtremly scared since my school endings exams ( Abitur) where short to start and it i had a feeling the drug would help since it pushes kind of the preception downwards, whilst my symptoms felt like my preceptoin shifted a bit up over my head. For 2 weeks I was cured. Then I drank a lot of alcohol at my last day of school and all the symptoms came back. Now for 1 year and 10 months. I was 19 years-old when all of this happend and now im 21 years old and in this time span i just sat at home, every day i am in extreme pain. im scared im not gonna get healed since i cannot live with this. my parents have to provide for me...
Previous treatment:
I was in 2 psychiatries in which both i have been given apriprazol (10mg), risperidon (2,5mg) and olanzapin (10mg) , nothing helped, all are neuroleptics ( antipsychiotics). I am now wanting to try lamotrigin since i read a lot about it on the forum. Do you think it would be a good idea?
Additional:
It is a super weird condition im having right now... its like i did not get sober properly and the negative effects from my last drug i took still are in my brain.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading through this, if you have any advice or questions please let me know
