Jaz

Hey if you can give me your contact we can talk. I get flashbacks of a bad drug experience too.

Hi, my name is Jaz. When I was 16 I decided to smoke weird with my friends. It was my first time ever. I thought it was going to be relaxing. You know that’s what people described it as. Except that wasn’t the case for me. My experience was traumatic. I found my self in a dark place with no sense of who I was, what the world was or anything. Zero memory! It only lasted a couple minutes though. Until finally I was able to realize what was happening. Except everything was repeating. Everything looked like I was in hell basically. I thought I had dried. I couldn’t feel anything like my phone because it just kept repeating. But finally it stopped. Except it didn’t last long. I soon realized I was looping. I was completely fine for a minute and then boom back again. I was unprepared for this. This was not something I even knew was possible. It was so fucken traumatic that I ended up in the hospital 3 times! No doctors were able to help me. They kinda just laughed. It finally ended though. I went back to school but I was hit with bad derealization and depersonalization. I was scared. Terrified I didn’t know what was going on! I went to hospitals so many times and they all just kicked me out because I had no insurance. Until I just decided to keep going and living my life and my derealization/depersonalization went away I still experience it sometimes. The worst thing to me happened though! I had a flashback of my drug experience. Exactly the same how it felt. The visuals the perception even the feeling in my body! After that I was afraid I would be stuck in it forever. I was afraid I had fucked up my head (btw I don’t do any drugs or drink). I went to numerous psychiatrist once I got insurance they all diagnosed me with something different. I was then convinced I had ptsd. I am doing therapy and have been for a while but I still had a flashback recently. I’ve now been diagnosed with hppd. I was told that before but didn’t believe it since I thought hppd was visuals everyday. I don’t have that. Anyways I’m now 22 and still struggle with this I feel alone in this. If anyone has gone through this please I beg you please reach out to me. Give me all the advice. Reassure me that I won’t be stuck in this trip forever.