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FLzt47

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Everything posted by FLzt47

  1. Thank you Nick. I don't do any drugs now. I started exercising again, it's funny you say even if you feel worse. because sometimes I do while working out, but I feel better after. Eating well is something I can work on. I need to find a job I like, not to happy now and it makes my symptoms worse. Trying not to worry is really hard, I'm scared a lot because of my suicidal ideations and my intrusive thoughts tear me apart and I don't know how things will turn out. God is something I can work on. What are your experiences?
  2. Hi Everyone, This is my story, if you have any answers on how to seek treatment that would be great. I started smoking marijuana in Fall of 2014. I got addicted to it by Spring of 2015 and had to smoke it every day, multiple times a day, I couldn’t go without being high. Soon I got into psychedelics in December of 2014. I started with what I thought was LSD. I say thought because I never tested the chemical compounds, so I don’t ever know what I took or the dosage(s). My tripping buddy and I would always smoke marijuana first to enhance the trips. I would take LSD orally usually on blank white tab(s). I then got into psilocybin mushrooms (psychedelics). I would trip on and off with my tripping buddy once every three months, alternating between the two while still smoking marijuana daily. I had a bad trip in January of 2016 and I have never been the same. My tripping buddy came over and I started a new job at a tavern that day as a dishwasher. I got home around 1030 pm. I brought fish home. We smoked weed first, and then we tripped. He told me to only take half a tab, I didn’t listen and I took the whole tab. First, I looked at it and there was a picture of a sad girl in black and white. I said to myself this is going to be a bad trip. About one hour in, I thought I was going to die, I went into LSD toxic psychosis, it felt like I was poisoned by the fish. I told him he needed to save me because I felt like I was dying, he was a lifeguard at the time. He put on familiar voices for me on Youtube such as Terence Mckenna and Pink Floyd, that drew me out of it for a little bit. I woke up the next morning around 8 am and felt like I was still dying. The physical symptoms I feel are a tingly feeling in the upper left region of my scalp. There is this constant choking feeling in the left side of my throat. My heart always feels like it is going to beat out of my heart and is heavily stressed and has a lot of pain to it, like it has been cut in half. I have an empty feeling in the bottom left side of my gut. Sometimes it feels like spikes are trying to break through the large load of depression that is in there. The mental symptoms are severe anxiety, major depressive disorder, and severely mentally drained, and not being able to think clearly. I have been stuck in this state ever since. I think about committing suicide a lot but I don't. That drug has left me empty inside, it has taken everything out of me, and I have been crawling my way through hell for over 5 years. After that bad trip I quit drugs cold turkey and I haven’t relapsed since. I still think about doing drugs a lot, people say you can’t get addicted to marijuana. I still crave it multiple times a week, among other drugs. I have tried some SSRIs, an SNRI, and some anti-psychotics. These drugs have made me feel more suicidal and depressed, so I stopped them after taking them some shorter than other, the longest being clonapin at 5 mg for about 9 months. I have talked to therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, I have had an MRI that came back clean. I worked with a homeopathic doctor that I did neurotransmitting testing with and who gave me supplements, I have put myself in a psyche ward on two different occasions, once for a week, another for 2 months to try and get myself better. No one has seemed to be able to help me and I am looking to overcome this once and for all.
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