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Marco S

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Everything posted by Marco S

  1. Hey guys: I just want to update you about my process. Last week I finally decided to see a doctor. I got an appointment with a psychiatrist and saw her on Monday. I told her about my story, symptoms and suggested HPPD as a possible answer. I would not say she was mad, but definitely didn’t like me suggesting a diagnosis. She told me I have a D/P frame induced by hallucinogens and recommended me the essentials: not drinking, nor smoking or taking any drug. And prescribed me risperidone and oxcarbazepine for two weeks. Even thought I was not totally sure about it, I decided to rely on her and give the meds a shot, and these have been my results: the first couple of days the meds gave me an impressive mind clarity, that I had not felt in a while. Suddenly my thoughts became so much clearer and my speech more fluid. I could not find the words to describe to my family the way I felt, but some cognitive skills improved. I wrote a lot more, and my memory and time perception felt so much better too. I could not say the same about the visuals. The visuals stayed the same at least the first two days, but worsened a little later. Thursday morning, I woke up and saw some intense visuals on my bedroom’s wall. I tried to be chill about it, but it made me feel uncomfortable. The week kept going and I had a party on Saturday night. I drove there and saw some of my friends, and had a good time. I for sure felt so much more confident. I take the Ozcarbacepine twice a day and the Risperidone only at night. The worst symptom affected me today. I was coming back home, my brother was driving and suddenly started feeling like tripping again. Literally. Like I was being lift. Did not want to freak out but it was pretty strong. And of course I still have some doubts about this. I have read in the forum that Risperidone can worse HPPD. Have not found much information about Ozcarbacepine. I’m going to give some more time to the meds and see what happens next. So far I could say it has not been bad, but not great either. It has helped with some aspects of the condition, and apparently worsen other ones. What do you think guys? Any suggestion, or any experience related that could be helpful for me? Other than the meds my life has been great lately. Feels like the relationship with my parents and brother is improving, my social circle is growing and some projects I’ve been working in are in their way to succeed, and my semester at unviersity is over. Everything is fine, easy, and exciting by the moment. Hope it remains like this. As always, thanks for your advice, and time. Take care and keep the great work up. Sincerely, Marco S.
  2. Hey guys: I’d like to discuss a frequent situation I’ve faced since I got HPPD, and honestly one of my deepest concerns with the condition. I hope you can give me your opinion on the subject. Since I am constantly immersed in social situations -school, family, friends, work- one of my biggest worries is showing my HPPD or letting people know there might be something wrong with me. I often ask some of my closest family members and friends if they have noticed something different, but they all have told me I look exactly the same and it seems nothing’s chanaged at all. I’m aware it might be anxiety, but I’d like to ask you: In your experience, are there physical manifestations related with HPPD? Is there anyway someone could realize in any sort of way your condition o anything similar? Some of my principal insecurities are my speech and the way I walk. They do not feel the same. I am aware it could be my anxiety making me believe I do not speak or walk normal anymore but who knows? Have you had anyone noticing a change in your physical appearance since you contracted the condition? I know this may sound dumb but looks is an extremely important asset for me, and even thought I do not always feel good, I put a lot of effort on behaving and looking fine. Thanks for reading and for your recommendations and answers. Sincerely, Marco
  3. Hey guys: Hope everyone is doing fine. I just want to keep you updated about my process and some of the improvements, obstacles and challenges I have faced in the last couple of weeks. I got home last week and had a talk with my parents about my symptoms, feelings, and the way to address this issue. Of course, they are confused, just as I was two months ago and still being from time to time. We had a chat to decide about my options. Neurologists, psychiatrists, there is a wide range of medical options here, as I live in large city, but not sure yet about what step I want to take. I saw a psychologist last week and think it was helpful. Of course, she is not familiarized with the condition nor she knows how to address it. But talking about the problem helped me to feel a bit calmer and to reduce the anxiety. I have seen some of my friends but decided to prohibit myself to drink or to take any other substances. It has been fun, and I have enjoyed their company, but not fully as expected. Also, it is my exam week at university now, so I’ve faced some stress and lots of hours in front of the computer working, which has hurt my eyes often. I think visuals have decreased: I have not taken any med or special food yet. Just zero alcohol, coffee, soda, and less sugar. Maybe I am getting used to them, do not know. Generally, I feel better, I am capable now of driving, working out and doing pretty much everything I used to. Anxiety is hard sometimes and think I had a D/P episode during the week. But resting, eating well and staying home have helped me to relax. Curiously, I have been told about another HPPD case in my family. Apparently, a cousin had an episode with a hallucinogen and has struggled with the condition for more than two years now. Her case was especially harsh: she stayed in a hospital for more than a month, had to remain home for over a year and has been taken meds since. I hope I can talk to her soon and know more about her experience and some conclusions to face the condition. Lately I have found some keys to battle this and they resulted useful. Journaling. It has helped a lot with my memory issues. Also sleeping at least eight hours. Trying to program something interesting the next morning, so I wake up with more enthusiasm every day. I talk more about my condition now than before. I guess soon or later everyone on my social circle are going to find out, so I do not mind about sharing with them myself. Some have understood it better than others, but everyone has been great with me. I cannot be anything but thankful. Things are looking better by now, and despite the ups and downs, guess I have been able to be more present and happy about what I got. Blessings to everyone and keep the great work up. Sincerely, Marco
  4. Hi everyone: I’d like to share more about my HPPD experiences. As I told you in my previous post, my name is Marco, I’m Mexican and I’ve got HPPD for more than four months now. This forum has been way far the best source of information, inspiration, awareness and counseling with the condition I’ve found during this period. My psychologist insists it is an addiction issue, and my friends despite being friendly and supportive with me, they cannot fully understand what I am going through. So I hope some of my reflections and ideas help others just as reading about your own stories guys helped me a lot when I was first disorientated and felt lost at the beginning of this journey. First I’d like to tell you I’ve always been interested on politics, society, abstract ideas and concepts, culture and subjects related. HPPD seemed to take that away from me for a while. In the last two weeks I’ve been able to start reading again the topics I do enjoy, and to really feel interested about them, something I did not feel able to do for more than 120 days. I am studying an International Relations bachelor in one of the most prestigious programs in Mexico. My dream is to work either as a diplomat for the Mexican government or to join the United Nations and contribute in some of its programs and institutions, such as the World Food Program, UNICEF or Human Rights. My goal is to mark a difference on people’s lives and improve the quality of life on developing countries, weak democracies and humanitarian crisis. The first two months of HDDP I was not interested at all one those issues anymore. I was struggling not only with my physical pain but with a pretty strong brain fog that did not allowed me to think clearly on the topics addressed by my teachers and university. Academic tasks felt difficult to be done and not worth it. I also lost passion on some of my other hobbies: running, playing sports, hanging out with my friends and discussing about any subject with them. I am also a huge soccer fan, so I lost all my team’s season -luckily they made it to the Play offs and now they are playing next week in my hometown- and I did not watch a single match. It was a slow and sometimes desperate process not to feel any interest about stuff anymore. I once read one book -the two Popes- and although an interesting reading- I did not think like I fully enjoyed it. All of this happened to me meanwhile traveling across Mexico. So I saw many spectacular places and met the most interesting people. But again, I kind of felt I was being fake with my environment, instead of truly showing how I felt. Maybe a month ago I started watching a lot of films on Netflix, and that really helped. It was a relief for me to notice I was becoming capable again to follow and fully understand a story, but the most important fact for me was the feeling of actually having fun. Then I decided going for a run maybe 3-4 times a week, and that also helped a lot. I guess it is the hormones the brain segregate when I work out, a similar reaction when eating something you like or having sex. I mean, I am not a physician or a health expert but that’s the basic knowledge I have about how the brain works. After movies it tryed small readings. Looking for articles on the newspapers and media outlets I like -The New York Times, El País, The Guardian, Washington Post and CNN- and addressing the international issues I am more into: the Venezuelan crisis, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and so on. Last week for example, I engaged reading an article about the Cuban exiled community in Miami, and it was something that kept me like an hour totally immersed on it, sometimes forgetting about my HPPD. I also discovered some other hobbies, like cooking. Something that I am frankly good at and that I never tried before. Now I intend to cook dinner at least twice a week. It’s something fun and motivating. I’m glad my mental clarity is showing from time to time. Now I do experience more “lucid” moments that before and without knowing the exact reason I guess it could be due the way I’ve tried to put my mind to work. Also sleeping has been important, and even tough my nutrition is not the greatest -I’ve actually gained some weight in the last month- I am not drinking anymore, neither smoking or drinking coffee. In general I believe my physical aspect reflects my improvement. I just had a haircut two days ago. I think I look sharper, and generally my presence and even the way I speak feels better. Also the interaction I’m having with my friends in social media and even the dating and flirting I’ve been into the last couple of weeks feels right. I do not feel a 100% well, not even close, but I guess I’ve noticed being in a good mood definitely helps. Of course I also have my bad days, on which I don’t even want to get up from bed. I guess there are cycles and momentums, so I’m just trying to live the good ones, and make them more frequent. I’m soon coming back home. I don’t know how the interaction with my parents and brother is going to be like. I feel excited about the opportunities I have in my hometown, about hanging with my closest friends again, and generally about the positive aspects of being home: more money, free time, my own space, a car, and the list goes on. I’ll keep you updated about my process and the way I’m facing it. I may see a doctor next week, I just talked with my parents and they decided it’s the best option by now. Please tell me more about you guys and the tips, recommendations, tricks and everything that could be helpful for me please. Also if you want to discuss any specific topic feel free to comment or to send me a message. Thanks a lot for reading, hope you have an amazing day and keep fighting. You are not alone and we are all on this together. Sincerely, Marco S
  5. Hello everyone: My name is Marco, I am a 21 year old student living in Mexico. I'd like to tell you my story, my toughts towards HPPD and the lessons I've learnt from this experience. I developed HPPD on January 2021. I was throught a bad emotional moment, due to the pandemic and a broken relationship. Since august 2020 I had decided to try LSD so I did it with a couple of friends. I did it twice, both times in parties and drinking alcohol. having as a result pretty mild experiences. I've never really been into drugs: I'd tried weed before, a couple of times, also in social situations, but I was never a regular consumer. Then on October me and one of my best friends had mushrooms, which were actually very strong. I did not enjoy it at all, but nothing bad happened after that time. Then, at the beginning of this year, I bought acid and made the decision to have an LSD trip for the first time without alcohol or any other distraction. In fact I don't know if it was LSD or something else -based on the research I've been into these recent months it could've been N-BOME.- and had a horryfing bad trip, with lots of negativity and hopeless thoughts. The upcoming day everything changed. I almost had no sleep after the trip, as I was heading home from a holiday, and all the hallucination symptons remained more that two days. I almost had a panich attack and I had to tell my parents the situation as I thought I really needed to see a doctor or go to the hospital. Fortunately I was able to calm down and had some sleep after 36 hours. Since then I'm on this journey. I talked with some of my friends about my syptoms but everyone told me the same: they were normal, LSD may have some flashbacks and that it was nothing I should worry about. But the weeks passed and I was not feeling any better, but the opposite. Since my university classes are online now due the pandemic, I got a job on a hostal near the beach in Mexico. My plan was to travel the country as the school allowed me to take the remote classes wherever I was. My departure was scheduled one week after the LSD trip, so I almost decided to cancel it and to stay home. But finally I decided to travel anyway and here's wher I am right now. I must say some of my symptoms have improved a little since this started. But some have worsen at moments. Generaly I feel better than two months ago. February and March were definitely the worst period for me. I barely could not concentrate on my classes and tasks. I was drinking a lot, so I felt bad all day long. I had terrible headaches and pain in the eyes. My visuals were strong and the braing fog affected the way I talked and some of my daily activities. I decided to implement some changes on my lifestylle and they have helped me to feel better. I quited coffee and alcohol, and of course any kind of drugs. I have as much sleep as I can and I am trying also to eat healthier and to drink lots of water. It was hard for me to work out at the beginning but now I attempt to take a run three or four days a week. Anyway I don't feel capable to do some of the stuff I enjoyed the most before this started. I used to read a lot and now it is hard for me to concentrate, and it is painful actually to read. I used to play chess, to participate in forums. I wrote for a newspaper and had a radio show. I am aware that some of this activities are hard for me now because I've lost some confidence on myself. And also anxiety makes it way worse. I've realized that when I've been capable to lower my anxiety everything feels so much better. Traveling has been fun, but I haven't feel able to enjoy it a hundred percent. Now I am coming back home so I will experience again how it feels to have a routine and be more calmed as I won't have to work anymore and I'll have some time to rest, eat healthier and work out. I am not closed to the idea of seeing a doctor, but honestly with everything I've read about the condition I am not hopeful either. HPPD has taught me a lot about patience. I don't know if I'm ever gonna fully recover from this, but the only way I'll find out is with time. Taking one step at a time and working everday for my wellness and health. My hope is far to be over. I am a resiliant person and I've faced pretty hard challenges during my life. I try to see HPPD as another challenge life had for me. Of course it makes life so much harder, but also it feels right to notice I've been four months now with this, and yet I've managed to keep studiyng an International Relations bachelor in one of he most demanding universities in my country, to work in some of the most beautiful and touristic places in the world, made dozens of great friends from all over the world, worked as a High School english teacher, and discovered amazing spots with amazing people, enjoying the craziest adventures. Of course it hurts, of course it's hard, unconfortable, demanding, painful and discouraging. But I am not letting HPPD ruin my plans, goals, objectives and dreams. I'll force myself to be a more empathetic, healthy, honest and transparent human being. And also to help others and understand other people's problems. I really have to thank everyone on this forum. It has helped me a lot to understand more about this condition, the way I can live with this, and a source of inspiration and aid in some of my lowest moments. Greetings to everyone, if you have some recommendations, tips, or you just want to have a conversation feel free to send me a message, I'd love to meet you all. Marco S.
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