Jacob Lesley

@Hall89 @cosmiccharlie sorry to hear this brother!! I get all your frustration and I know this is hell but we need to get through it!!! Can I maybe have your number so we can stay in touch of each other because we will get better believe me maybe not this year or next year but eventually we will! Maybe we can also keep contact about doctor appointments and other things thats helped. Keep up the fight, Believe me with all of the symptoms we have we are real warriors don’t forget it!! You are extremely strong because you are fighting everyday most people can’t even imagine the pain we go through.. but believe me we will get better I mean 95% - 100% it is my only goal and I know we will succeed! For ourselves and the people we love! Just believe and I am going to get all medical help I can so if I have a breakthrough I will let you know! keep up the fight brother! You are strong and we will get through this just like me! in a few years we will say this was all a big nightmare and just get our normal lifes back!

@cosmiccharlie Maybe a bit rude to ask you again because of alcoholic problems sorry didn’t think about the question

@cosmiccharlieok but you did drink after first recovery?

@cosmiccharlie what supplements and Vitamins I will order all you recommend! and still curious about the alcohol question?

@cosmiccharliemaybe a stupid question, but are you able to drink again? I want to live like a student again.. never do drugs again

@cosmiccharlieThankyou for your reaction I appreciate it so much! If I knew you in real life you would be my friend for sure and visit you often! Just wanted to let you know how I appreciate it. Did you fully recover and be able to drink again and be yourself And not even thinking about the symptoms is this possible just fully recovered and forget you had hppd? I mean time to time think back and thought that period was a nightmare but I am just 1000% recovered and after just forget it again? If this is the truth the real truth I will go on and fight my way out of it! That is worth fighting for and it will make me 10000x stronger if I get out of this the only position that is a the only long term benefit! Iknow not a lot of things can faze me if I survive but I need to know if you 10000% recovered

@cosmiccharlie @Hall89I have already talked to an Psychologist made it worse because he said you need to accept it forever. That thought made it worse because it is not an option for me I see a lot of people here talking about accepting it I can do it for a temporary time not forever it is not for me. I rather quit if that is the case also giving me a lot of rest in my head with that thought. And I am also very very suprised that in anno 2021 most doctors have no idea how to help it they can replace hearts and do all kinds of miraculous stuff but fixing somebody’s dots in their eyesight and have trails is impossible. Sorry just a little frustration but getting through the day is just not like ok to do it is mentally so painful like you walking with a painful concussion 365 without brakes and no perspective when it is recovering or if. I am just 22 and just want to live like a student as the rest of my friends. I want to drink alcohol and get hangovers, going on trips with them and make stupid mistakes like every 20-30 age. Want to go to school and work and just get laid hahaha but know it is impossible I can’t live with this! Maybe some people can but it is not for me...... look at my other post up here to get the full story! thankyou guys you are really cool and I hope you react to me because I don’t want to end like the 22 year old who past away because of small drug use.

Can’t go out*

@cosmiccharlie @Hall89Hi guys! really need your help I am mentally in a very bad space.. The SSRI made everything worse I quitted and it’s the 10th day and I am not back on my old level yet.. I don’t want to live like this forever it’s literally hell. I am literally becoming suicidal I can’t function can’t be around friends and can’t go to long because the symptoms making me overstimulated.. I just don’t want to live like this forever and I can accept it for maximum of 2 - 2,5 years from now but if I know that this will stay forever death is a certainty. Just know myself to well it’s full recovery or just death.. I just want to live without these problems that make you mentally in so much pain. Feel worthless and hopeless and I am doing everything right with the hppd tips.. living healthy, no alcohol, exercising and It is 9 and a half month later and It only got worse with the ssri Its worse as the start and it was already difficult functioning back then... I just feel like ending it please tell me I will make a full recovery I can’t handle anything else. The most frustrating thing is I never did drugs and was so careful with it microdosing everytime when my friends at 4 pills a night I barely ate 1. Please please tell me it will end.

@cosmiccharlie @Hall89 thankyou for the reply! It is day 11 and I feel like a zombie and 100% detached from myself. I havent been able to go can’t outside because it is too frighting. I also feel stuck and claustrophobic in every room I am in it is horrofic Is this normal? If you think it still is the side effects I will proceed.. I hope it is a side effect...

@Hall89 @cosmiccharlie The night went well but now I am extremely tired walking to the kitchen is already very exhausting and I feel a bit confused with sight and mind reading is also a bit hard is this also normal? Did you experience this fatigue? My anxiety is slowly coming back because of this....

@cosmiccharlieOk thankyou so much for your time and your advise you saving my thoughts and anxiety with this posts. If it did not hurt you then I will continue with my SSRI and expect it to be a side effect! I mean I almost never used drugs and was so cautious when I used it I actually broke quarter ectasy pills in half because I didn’t want to mess with it I know I will recover and the SSRI will help me eventually now I just need to deal with extreme panic attacks and derealisation for the next week but I can handle it Thankyou!!

@cosmiccharlie @Hall89 sorry forget to tagg you

I think it is probably the side effects that triggered it so that makes me worry a lot less

Thankyou so much for the reaction! I thought I broke my brain because of the SSRI. These forums are really bad for my anxiety, I think the panic attack was triggered because people saying The SSRI and hppd gives you damage and went to bed a little anxious and woke up super in full panic mode at 3.30PM. My drugs use was not frequent and I barely used drugs. I used 5 times xtc or mdma in 4 year and the last time when the hppd started I had 3-4 licks of mdma and a whole lot of alcohol. My friends use way more drugs and higher doses. But I have no brain damage of SSRI? And it is not possible that hppd recovery is slowed down or worse? Because my visuals were more intense since the start of the SSRI I am still in anxious mode with derealisation 100% back I hope that goes away soon.. feel like a panic attack can start any second and my Tittinus is more intense and feeling in a buble but you think that goes away? so shall I proceed with the SSRI CITALOPRAM 20 MG a day? If you think it does not damage I want to go one You are really helping with reaching out thank you so much I thought I was losing it.... but will all be fine ofcourse

Hope to hear from you guys soon!

I really need help because I need to take another pill in 12 hours and need guidance

Hello, I am 22 years old and have HPPD for 9 months now and I can’t take it no more. I need some relieve for my anxiety and depression. I am at day 7 with taking the SSRI Citalopram but woke up this night in full derealisation vision was tunnel vision mode and later started panicking and threw up from the tension because I never had it this bad. I still feel a bit weird But on the internet there is a link: https://www.ntvg.nl/artikelen/persisterende-waarnemingsstoornissen-na-het-gebruik-van-ecstasy/extended_abstract he recovered and we used almost the same substance I used MDMA and he used Ectasy so I thought why not try it and called my doctor he prescribed, it the same amount. Now I am scared because I see a lot of people saying their visuals got worse because of SSRI. Did the additional visuals go away when you stopped using SSRI or they did not stay didn’t they? Because I just want to get better thats all it has been hard enough last 9 months shall I continue or quit the SSRI? or is this just the side effect in the beginning and will get better when the weeks pass by?