justan18yolookingforadvice

i can’t believe i haven’t looked at it this way yet!!! i’m in college to become a therapist, and i really hope to work with people with this disorder after reading this... wow! thank you for saying this cause if not i don’t think i would have looked at it in this light.

you’re totally right about my anxiety brought me to this forum, which i stalked RELENTLESSLY for WEEKS before posting lmao. weed was a bit stronger for me after i tripped but i DO attribute this to being worried about hppd because i was 100% okay until i started worrying about hppd and then my heart would race a little. the thing is i study mental health which is why i think i’ve held onto hppd so tightly. as for never doing hallucinogens again, that’s a strong no for me. it was cool and all but i now know the dangers and my anxiety is WAYYY too high for that lmao. ive definitely experienced panic attacks before lsd they aren’t new to me, and i currently haven’t been experiencing anxiety other than ya know worrying about the pandemic and also hppd. i didn’t experience a panic attack while i was on lsd (thank god that would have been a nightmare) i did get some anxiety at points but i was able to calm myself down within seconds. driving is no problem for me thankfully and school hasn’t changed, like two weeks after i tripped (shortly after the panic attack) i was able to turn in a massive project that was 3 essays and was worth 50% of my grade and ended up making deans list, so i am grateful i’m good on that front. at the end of the day i probably just need to get on anti anxiety meds again, which is fine but once again i didn’t want to do if i had hppd as i know some medications can aggravate it (the amount of research i’ve done since is kinda insane) imma go with what you said about the abstaining for a good while before trying it again and seeing how i feel. luckily you’re right! i don’t feel any different other than worrying about this disorder, i mean i’m kinda battling migraines and my body hurting (that damn birth control really messed me up so i had to have it cut out of my arm and since doing so my body has hurt so freaking bad, seriously. crazy stuff) but i’m still me 100% i appreciate your insight, genuinely i can’t tell you how much it means.

i do not think you’re wrong here. i am obsessively paranoid and have extremely high anxiety. i wanted to check with people who do deal with this disorder for some peace of mind is the best way i can describe it, now that i have heard all of this it really seems like i can put this matter to bed. when i say worrying about this disorder has consumed me, it really really has. i guess i was also wanting reassurance so that if i do choose to drink or some at a party or something in the future i wouldn’t be worsening something, ya know? thank you for your response i cannot tell you how much it means. you’re really out here doing gods work haha.

i think it’s important to note that bpd has been very prevalent in my life, pretty much my whole life but REALLY was noticeable when i was about 12. i started smoking at 15 (way younger than i would EVER advise, but i was in a small town with no friends you know how it goes i’m sure) smoking was something that i just did because when i did i noticed that my emotions were that of a “normal person” it was just like taking paxil to help with anxiety because i also am obsessively paranoid (i gained this issue at 10) and thinking strangers were gonna kill me was not fun. so i was a constant weed smoker with very little alcohol consumption for 3 years. while i have stopped completely it’s more of a “hey on my birthday and at parties am i gonna have to sit there and be sober cause i took acid once and fucked up my brain” while i know being sober is good you still want to be able to “let loose” on occasion, which obviously i wouldn’t do if i had hppd, not wanting to permanently worsen the condition. also with the migraines, while i said i have a family history of them it’s also important to note that i had bad birth control that i was HIGHLY allergic to and they started with that, sadly after the nexplanon has been removed they continue as well as the tinnitus that my doctor said is normal for migraines. all in all i don’t think i’ll ever go back to daily smoking but wanted to get people with hppd’s input because, like jay and others have pointed out ive kinda been a nervous wreck about it all. while i know that taking drugs is a russian roulette, and obviously because i’m scared shitless i’ll never take another hallucinogen again i wanted the input of people that had it because friends and family’s opinions with my STRONG anxiety wasn’t cutting it for me haha. i do appreciate your response so much, but with my lack of symptoms i’m pretty sure the visuals are from my poor eyesight and migraines, as for the panic attack while i smoked 2 weeks after i guess was just anxiety?

jay, thank you so much. while i’ve been worried i’ve read a lot from you and your response means so much. have a great day!

hi! don’t really know where to start. i will say that i have only taken lsd once, and while there were some tough moments throughout it nothing specific bothered me. i smoked a bit of weed during but nothing that made me feel bad, sadly i found out about hppd in the come down of my trip (i say sadly because it is CERTAINLY not the time to find out about this disorder) i didn’t have really any visuals on lsd but i took a pretty low dose from what i’ve read online, it wasn’t microdosing but it was a small dose. important things to note •i only have vision in one eye since i was 5 so i only have one eye to go off of with visual symptoms •i was a daily weed smoker but had a panic attack after smoking about 2 weeks after i tripped, and obviously bc i was scared of hppd and knowing it can permanently make things worse i stopped cold turkey. • lights take a minute to go away if i stare at them (i know everyone has this problem not just people with hppd) • i do not have visual snow, tracers, or the bigger/smaller effect on objects, i also do not see things move at all, for which very grateful. • i did have a mini flash back i think? the day after and for a couple days had very slight dr/dp (i have bpd so this wasn’t really new to me) •currently, i have no dr/dp which once again i feel very lucky. •i do have spikes? around lights but also i have a BIG history of eye problems and it looks just like an astigmatism. •i also have been diagnosed with migraines (i have a family history of them with my mother having them and my older brother) so i guess my question to you guys is, do you think i have it? i’ve been worried sick since i’ve found out about hppd bc it’s just worrisome. i want to know if i have it or not even though everyone has told me it seems as though there’s a 99% chance i do not. the heightened worry of maybe i have this prevents me from smoking or drinking, even though i don’t have many if ANY symptoms i need someone on here to give me their input. thanks!