MadDoc

You are definitely not alone. We're all scattered around this planet, but we're here.

@Blossy I'm 62. I'm hopeful that's still the early 60s and not the mid 60s! I was a very depressive young teenager. I found for a while after I dosed, my depression would lift. Unfortunately, my young brain thought psychedelics were THE answer and I took it too far. I think, in my case, the combination of youth and excess cemented HPPD. I've been listening to a blog about the wonders of psychedelic therapy to treat depression. My fear is, without careful regulation, a lot of human wreckage could result. In any case, I've found that life is a true gift even with HPPD. I don't follow any particular religion, so I guess the term "gift" isn't like a present some diety granted me. instead, I see myself as a bunch of matter that woke up to witness whatever "this" is. I apologize, I'm indulging in my weirdness again.

Welcome. Please don't apologize for your post "being so long"! it's very articulate and informative. I too started dosing when I was 13 (almost 14) and I'm convinced it's one of the reasons why I contracted HPPD. That and the fact that I dosed frequently until I was about 20. I too consumed too much alcohol during my 20s to deal with the anxiety. I finally gave it up because it was grinding my bearings. At that point, I was married, had two children, and a new career. I knew if I kept on drinking, everything I cared about would be washed away. Cannabis suddenly backfired on me. As soon as I stopped dosing, it started giving me panic attacks and my visuals went out of control and this is back when weed was relatively weak. You mentioned that you started a meditation practice during the pandemic. I've been practicing for a long time and I find it to be very helpful. it keeps my brain focused and significantly reduced my anxiety. Thank you for sharing your experiences. When I first found this forum it was a huge relief to finally express the symptoms I'd lived with for so long.

I've always felt that people should feel free to present their ideas and findings. I think constructive criticism is valuable as long as the goal is to move us forward. Laugh at you? That's not constructive. We're here to help each other. I've spent my life wondering why I contracted this disability. People who dosed as much as I did, and ingested the same chemicals I did, don't admit to any HPPD symptoms (with a few exceptions). I'm open to any ideas that might explain why.

Did you locate this research yourself? If so, it's great that you took the initiative to do that. I don't have the qualifications to say if what you found is correct. I do know that it's amazing how little is known about how the brain works. For the longest time, symptoms from brain injuries were the source of many of the theories. Now with imaging techniques, so much more is known, but at the same time the human brain is still a mystery (I'm sure you're aware of all of this). That being said, I don't know how far diagnostic techniques and treatment have come. I think there are some bright people in this forum who are aware of the latest research. I'd be interested to hear their feedback. I can say that I had a similar problem reading. To start with, I'm dyslexic, but hppd made reading more difficult because I was always distracted by the patterns I'd see on the page which would make the text squirm around. What helped was forcing myself to read every day and using an electronic reader helped as well. Very interested in what you continue to discover. as I've said before, it may help others in the future.

I think the fact that you're working with medical professionals is a wise course of action. You never know, it's possible what you're experiencing can be diagnosed and treated. I wish I had done that when I was younger, but at the time there was such a stigma associated with psychedelics it really wasn't possible. I wish you the best getting some help from the medical community. Please keep posting to let us know how you're doing. it may help others with similar symptoms. Hang in there and take care.

My visuals definitely have motion especially if I focus on them (which I try not to do). For example if I look at a something that's seemingly random (like a concrete sidewalk) the tiny variation in color or tiny imperfections immediately look like patterns as if some artist had laid out the pattern on purpose. If I stare, the patters become more complex and start to shift and move. Is there a specific name for what I experience? I have no idea, they're just my "visuals". I didn't answer your question, but from what I've read in this forum, it's common in those of us with hppd.

Jay, thank you for welcoming me back. This community has been so important in helping me realize I wasn't alone with this disorder. Exactly, sleepless nights! I guess all we can do is the best we can do. Thanks again.

Thank you. Having a positive attitude can go a long way. I suspect your daughters keep you busy! Cosmiccharlie, you are living proof that happiness isnt unattainable after contracting this disability. <edit> i wrote "happiness is unattainable" but meant to write "happiness isn't unattainable". I should also mention that I'm quite dyslexic and inadvertently make a blunder like that with some frequency. Tough being human</edit> Stay positive folks, and never give up.

i hear you. I started taking psychedelics just short of my 14th birthday. I think I was a depressive kid and I notice I'd feel better for a while after dosing. Unfortunately, I thought they were the answer. I stopped when around the time I turned 20 (though the timeline now is a little fuzzy). 48 years after my first dose, I still have visuals though they're reducing as my brain ages which I'm grateful for. All we can do is the best we can do. I can't understand why the authorities would hassle you after you've paid the debt they handed you. I doesn't seem right. Take care of yourself and those around you.

Hi All, I used to be very active on this forum, but have been away for some time. I went through a medical issue (thankfully resolved), retired, and moved a great distance away from where I was living. Lots of excuses, I realize. I turned my back on all things "internet" for a while just to shake the stress of my career (another excuse). I'm going to make an effort to reach out to people again. I don't have any medical advice to offer, I don't work in any organization that helps folks with HPPD, but I am an older person who has lived with it for a long time. Hopefully the little hope I can provide will be useful to someone. One of the "real" reasons I stopped posting is people were reaching out to me who were (in their words) suicidal. Frankly that freaked me out because I don't have any training in counselling people in that state of mind. I've attempted to get educated in that area, but it scares me. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't say the right thing? In any case, if anyone remembers the strange human stumbling around on the planet, I'm back.

I found that hppd didn't limit my intellectual or physical abilities. I got through college, had a career (a challenging one IMHO), got married, had kids, and all that good stuff. I've been working for approaching 40 years, and am now thinking about retirement. There's nothing really special about me. I just worked hard and stayed sober. If I kept using I doubt I would have accomplished much. My main issue was anxiety which I fortunately learned how to keep under control. Also, all the psychedelics I took made me kind of a strange soul. The visuals, my most prominent symptom, is something I've learned to live with. Pursue your dreams!

I don't play video games, but I watch my share of movies. I honestly don't notice visuals when I'm watching the screen. As I've said before, when I'm focused, my visuals aren't apparent. I guess watching movies keeps me focused enough to shut them down.

Advice/tips, sure. I've lived with this disorder for a long time. That doesn't make me an expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I know what works for me. Be kind to yourself because you've done nothing wrong. Exploring the mind using psychoactive compounds is as ancient as human thought. We're curious beings so taking the plunge doesn't make anyone a bad person. We're just in the unfortunate minority to have contracted this disorder. Get focused. Be it school, work, hobbies, philosophy, whatever. Stay focused and try not to focus on symptoms. If anxiety is an issue, there are some medications that can help. I took a drug free approach including my daily meditation practice and its been a life saver. First and foremost, sobriety. I'm not saying never have a drink, or a smoke or what have you. Stay clear of the doses in whatever form they may take. For many, stay clear of cannabis. Listen, I'm not into telling people what to do. Instead just take this as gentle advice from someone who has stumbled around on this planet for a long time. I hope that helps.

Welcome. You dosed quite recently and the after shocks of a experience can linger. Give yourself some time. I'd also suggest you stop using drugs, at least for a while. You mentioned that you've done "hard" drugs infrequently (did i get that right?). However, the cannabis today is POWERFUL. Give it a rest for a while to see how you're doing. Also, don't panic! Try not to attribute every anomaly to hppd. I'm not a doctor, but at this point you symptoms sound relatively mild. I realize that they don't seem mild to you, but understand that hppd can be a debilitating condition. I'm not qualified to say if you have hppd or not, but if you're susceptible to getting it, you want to do whatever you can to getting in any deeper. Take care of yourself!

Your life sounds similar to mine in some ways. I took LSD about a month before my 14th birthday. By the time I was 20, after years of gobbling down psychedelics, I decided it was time to give it up. I dealt with terrible anxiety so I self medicated with alcohol. I felt like I had alcohol under control. Got through college, got married, had kids, started a career, and all that good shit. However, for me, alcohol became more and more of a problem. One day I decided I'd had enough and I quit. However, the anxiety was waiting for me once I sobered up. Fortunately I found a doctor who helped me with a drug free approach to living inside my head. I realize this post is all about me. I'm hoping some of the parallels might be helpful. Take care, and hang in there.

Hello, welcome, and thank you for posting. I found it very difficult to open up to anyone about hppd but doing so helped a lot. It sounds like you're doing pretty well and your symptoms sound mild (in my amateur opinion). They might not seem mild to you, but hppd can be a truly debilitating disorder for some and it sounds like you're living your life. You've already taken the most important step to being well, that is staying away from psychoactive drugs. I'm not a doctor or a medical professional. That being said, I suspect your symptoms will moderate over time provided you stay clean. Sleep disorders can manifest themselves in very strange ways. The "jolts" may be due to stress, or even giving up caffeine. I may have nothing to do with hppd (again, I'm not a doctor). Hang in there, keep focused, and keep clean! If you're susceptible to hppd, it can get MUCH worse if you keep using.

It's very possible that your hearing issue has nothing to do with hppd. I'd seek out a hearing specialist to get a thorough hearing test. After that, they may be able to suggest a treatment. At a minimum, they can rule out common causes of hearing anomalies. I hope that helps. Thanks.

I've been away for a while as well. It's been a tough year for everyone. We lost some of the more senior branches of our family tree to Covid. I need to pull myself back together and try to be helpful in this forum.

This is what scares me the most when it comes to giving advice or encouragement to someone is writes that he/she is considering checking out. I have no training as a therapist. What if I unknowingly write the wrong thing as harmless as it might seem? Scary territory.

It's always wonderful to hear about a positive outcome. Hope can manifest itself.

I have been married for 40 years now so dating is a distant memory. Finding another compatible human has so much to do with communication. I figure, just be honest and open. The "one for you" is out there. Your paths just need to intersect. I guess I'm lucky. I met someone willing to put up with my strange.

That's wonderful news! I think you are very wise to stay away from psychedelic drugs including weed. I realize weed isn't technically a psychedelic (or is it?), but it sure is when introduced into my nervous system! Keeping focused is one of the things I've done to manage this condition over the years. Anyone on the road to recovery is good news. Take care of yourself!

If they could experience my head for one day ....

I take CBD oil to help me fall asleep. Not every day, but if my mind isn't shutting down at night it really helps. It doesn't do anything for my visuals (good or bad). I've never had visual snow. Hope that helps.