Lily

Onemorestep I could have written that myself I completely understand where you're coming from. My current partner is the closest I've ever had to a healthy relationship but I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what a healthy relationship really is. I've had hppd since I was young so obviously never had a dating life without it and the response from my partner heavily depends on who they are as a person. Mostly I just get things like "wow really?" Until my current partner who seems to genuinely care and not pass it off as some benign thing like discussing the weather.

Hey I wanted to share with you I've been thinking of starting a similar post but I didn't know what to say, I've been having the same problems with scars like you for years and it wasn't until recently that I decided screw it! I'm going to wear short sleeves. I've spent the better part of 9 years completly ashamed of my arms and legs and finally I feel like I can wear short sleeves in public, what are people really going to say? I've had a few people stare and one lady looked downright mortified but I can't be bothered worrying anymore what people think.. my legs are considerably worse though and in my dumbest of dumb teenage moments I carved a swear word up my calf, so I still understand where you're coming from in wanting to cover up. But I hope you find the courage to forget what people think and just be free! I live in canada and it's damn hot in the summer lol not sure about you but it's just not worth the shame anymore.

Does anyone dream in hppd vision or is it clear? I dream without it and it's like a miracle, makes me wonder why it can't be helped while awake. I once had a very vivid dream about a clear blue sky and fields of beautiful flowers and the crisp clarity of it amazed me and that's when it clicked.. for some reason hppd doesn't affect my dreams. I'm just wondering if anyone else is the same way

Yep I have I've had hppd for a long time and just gave birth in may, if anything pregnancy helped tremendously only to have symptoms become more noticible recently.

My parents have both had separate issues with substances and neither have any long term visual effects, same with my brothers so I wasn't sure how it would work. I am enjoying parenthood eventually like k.b fante says I'll have a discussion about the possible outcome of doing drugs and while I surely won't tell them everything I'll let them know it might be hereditary.

I noticed a massive difference when I cut out alcohol but I can honestly say I would drink myself into an oblivion everytime I touched alcohol, which was a lot from the time I started drinking to the time I had to quit so I might not be the norm of hppd and alcohol. I was extremely erratic when I would drink and would frequently mix it with large amounts of coke and do things that weren't me so the hangover/sketch plus anxiety made everyday like some sort of really intense acid trip. I think any amount of alcohol will probably have a temporary effect but it's up to the person if they can shake it off and look at hppd in a healthy way or if they spend their whole hangover staring at things that terrify them, like I did. There's a baseline of symptoms for me that are livable and anything that alters my mind make life feel not worth it so I'm better off completely sober.

The only thing that's ever helped me was completely cutting out drugs/alcohol, even quitting smoking I think helped a bit. The drugs and alcohol made the visuals worse but even more towards the end gave me anxiety about how I was living my life and the anxiety sent my visuals haywire. I actually liked hppd for many years and continued to use drugs pretty heavily for most that time with on and off thinking that I was seeing something really special, I'd almost convinced myself I was some chosen person who had a special vision. I got it when I was 12 so my young brain obviously was trying to make sense of what had happened, I had to grow up and mature and sort out some serious demons now I can look at it for what it is and that helps, my world will always be different and I just have to accept it, you know? Let it go.

I did mean from drugs, not that I would ever want my kids doing that nor condone it but my parents didn't want me trying things either and really it didn't stop me. I know mental illness can be hereditary and through seeing different docs and multiple mri they have concluded it's a mental condition so I'm just wondering if kids with parents who have hppd are predisposed with drug use.

I recently had a daughter in May and while unplanned am expecting another baby in July. I'm just wondering if anyone believes this condition could be hereditary, or has any experience with this? I've unfortunately had hppd a little over half my life and wouldn't want my kids to suffer the same way.

I've seen hppd caused by all sorts of drugs but I'm wondering if anyone else has it from prescription/over the counter medication? I got it from mixing different kinds of pills (none illegal) when I was 12 and at 24 it's still just as prominent. I woke up the next morning and carpets melted, everything fuzzy, desks at school would morph to look ten feet long, suddenly I was stuck in a trip that never ended. I was sober on and off through my teens but it never helped, now almost a year completely sober from everything including cigarettes things are just as trippy. My doc says at this point just accept it and stop fighting it, a part of me knew that already but another part of me misses waking up to the walls being still and looking at the sky without the static and black dots darting around, no after images and starbusting and all that other fun stuff. What I wish is that there was more awareness about this, maybe it wouldn't stop everyone but it might stop a few. We learn the dangers from unprotected sex and that drugs are bad but things like this aren't public knowledge, they should start accepting it as a real problem and teach the kids hey maybe you won't overdose but you might end up like this forever. Or if there was more awareness new sufferers can instantly put a name and somewhat of an explanation to it, I was struck at a young age and being young is tough and lonely enough without feeling like you're the only person on the planet with this disorted image of what used to be the real world.