Grick

Hi all, I'm Nick and i'm 20. Thought I'd sign up to these forums as I have had HPPD for just over a year now and the visual effects are getting worse. Last year I took a very stupid combination of drugs including acid, mdma and 25i-nbome. I had tripped plenty before and never experienced HPPD. It was the first time I had taken 25i-nbome and I insufflated it (very stupid, the first time I ever took a drug without researching first). The effects got too much, I quite literally couldn't see because I was tripping so hard, I was stood holding on to my girlfriend. I had a massive seizure, when it happened I remember twitching, and I managed to say to my girlfriend at the time "i'm twi-" and then it was like reality glitched and stuttered and the same millisecond kept repeating itself over and over again. I thought I was dead. The next thing I remember was being in a car (my girlfriends brother) and trying to jump out because there were hundreds of people in the car (there was just the three of us). It continues to haunt me to this day, makes me feel sick when I think about it, which is every day due to the constant reminder in the form of HPPD. I noticed the effects of it the day after it happened but just assumed it would fade with time. They stayed at a relatively constant rate until about two weeks ago, when the visual effects amplified significantly, I have to sleep with the light on now because the dark is too 'light' if you know what I mean. (I'm sure you do) I see faces in the dark, when i'm walking at night I see people duck behind cars, hide in bushes and run across the road and there's no one there. I constantly have eye floaters and a stupid amount of static in my vision. Things wave and distort. I hear voices and can have conversations with my friends in my head when i'm trying to sleep, and I feel like i'm in a different situation, but then I open my eyes and I realise i'm in bed. It's not like I make up the things they say to me, they just say things and I respond in my head. I haven't taken any form of psychedelic since (needless to say it scared me away from them). Most of the time I just tell myself that it's a reminder of how things could have gone much worse, and I'm lucky to be here. (apparently many people have died after having seizures caused by 25i.) The funny thing is, it really gave me a new outlook on life. Since then I have actively improved my life significantly, but I really struggle with HPPD daily. But anyway, nice to meet you all, and it's nice to see that there's a community that will understand, as none of my friends do. They sympathise and support me, but I feel like they don't appreciate how difficult it is. TL;DR - Hello and nice to meet you, I have HPPD, it sucks.