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ParanoidAndroid

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Everything posted by ParanoidAndroid

  1. Sure! Keep in mind I'm new to the whole HPPD thing so I'll just call them what I have known them to be; Fuzz Tracers Swirls that twist and distort things peoples faces (this went away after a few years) Slipping backwards into myself, almost like tunnel vision this only happens when I'm panicky. Panic attacks / bad trip revisit. My fingers melting on my hands/ distorting while (this went away too) I'm using them. Vision loss, it's debatable that this was completely caused by HPPD, but it almost seemed overnight. Another awful thing was thoughts... Crazy shit, I think my rational senses took over there but I was loopy for a long time after this all started. If I think of more I will add to the list. Thanks for listing to me!
  2. Also, tracers, fuzz and tinnitus never went away. It's just normal now. Once your symptoms become your baseline you are coping. After reading other stories I can't stress how awful I feel for anyone else going through this without support. It gets better, I promise!
  3. After a couple of years of smoking pot in my early teen years I took a leap into psychedelics. Things went swimmingly until I decided to try MDMA along with LSD. My one and only bad trip... I couldn't wait to come down! After about 48 hours (I think MDMA was cut with speed) I finally fell asleep with the hopes my nightmare was over. It wasn't. I woke up in the midst of a bad trip that persisted. I wasn't coming down. About two weeks in I started to think it was getting a bit better and decided to smoke some weed with my friends. Worst idea ever. It immediately triggered a panic attack and landed me right back into a bad trip. That night after I realized that I was seriously considering mutilating my belly open with a buck knife, I walked upstairs to my otherwise unknowing parents and proceeded to inform them that their son was not only a druggie, but he was batshit crazy to the point of causing severe bodily harm. That evening I was admitte into the psych ward at a hospital about an hour into the city. I was frwaking out so bad that they put me under heavy sedation and suicide watch. After several days I. There I begged my folks to get me out, as they would not even allow the only thing that kept me grounded - music, it was against the ward policy to have Walkmans because it could be an issue with other patients. After two weeks, and a heavy dose of Benzos and anti depressants the let me out with a diagnosis I "acute psychotic reaction." Since then I had pondered killing myself many times, until I learned to just be one with my new situation. I discovered that the thought that thins were not supposed to be that way was what made things worse. One thing I did a lot of was drink, it seemed to ease the symptoms slightly, but it caused other problems of course. I would at times feel like I was trapped inside a hull I had absolutely control over and I was slipping further into insanity. I thought I might he cought in loops or spend the rest of my life confused and scared. I also feared doing something haneous to others. :| I taught myself little tricks to make my life a little easier. Breathing exercises helped a lot. In fact, I still use them to go to sleep, and I've even graduated to MBSR and Zazen. I focused more on music and stared writing music/ touring in a band. Once I embraced my new nuttiness it actually came to benefit me. After time, I was back into dating and being a rowdy teenager, but I didn't touch pot or psychedelics again. If I did, I know it would kick me right back into it again. It gets better I promise!
  4. My wife of 10 years just showed me a wikipedia article on HPPD and I cried. I had no idea that so many others suffered from these symptoms. I never had anyone to talk to! I have learned to live with all of it. Visual/ audio/ perception.. everything. I have chills running dowm my spine reading your stories. I have been there! all I can say is that with time, it does get better. Even if the symptoms don't subside quickly, I promise, it gets better. I don't have time, but I'd love to tell my story in the near future. I am so emotional after finding you guys. The internet is crazy.
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