Hey everyone Sorry for the delay, I went to bed, then I went to work and now I'm home so I'll answer some of the questions I got!
I have no idea the technicals or why these drugs cause what they do. I've never heard of this 5HTA2 receptor. I do know though that doing more drugs is only going to make your HPPD worse. I stopped everything, except for nictoine and alcohol. I don't even smoke pot, its been 5 years now since I have, and its hard and yes sometimes you get tempted too but its really not worth it. It won't help you to recover.
But hey man, if you want to continue thats your prerogative. I just don't like to chance fate and fiddle with my mind after something as traumatic as HPPD.
Well, its been about 6 years since I got full blown HPPD and things are definitely way better. My HPPD is pretty non existant unless I focus on it, like when I look at patterns they still kind of move and morph but not nearly as bad as they once did, its not even noticeable really.
I still have visual snow and depersonalization/ derealization but to tell the truth I've gotten so use to them now that it doesn't effect. Its become my reality. Acceptance is key! After any psychoactive drug you're going to look at the world a bit different, HPPD causes a big difference really quickly and obviously there is going to be anxiety with that. My mind and body have accepted this new reality and its not all too bad. It was though the first few months to a year - I could barely leave my house.
I do still have residual anxiety though, my prior drug use has caused an anxiety disorder I guess and I can't deal with stress as well as I use too, but i manage.
I don't know what that means! haha but I hope you dug em! I'm going to make a new one sometime next week I think, its been too long.
Yeah its a shame there isn't more awareness on the disorder, I think it would really help antidrug campaigns. A lot of people don't want their face attached to drug use I guess, and I was a teenager when I made them so I wasn't really thinking about the future too much? haha. Its cool though, I'm going to keep them up as long as the internet exists. I want to get into film and television, not really looking for a corporate desk job so I'm not too concerned about my image on the internet.
I did a lot of drugs in my youth haha, but the ones I think that contributed to my HPPD were a combination of 2CI, 2CE, and a lot of Ecstasy that I was doing at the time that was cut with who knows what, made probably in some dudes bathtub, yuck. I would get flashbacks here and then but smoking pot triggered it full blown for me and I got big flashback and a panic attack that never really went away ya know? I did get depersonalization and derealization and I do still have these but they don't cause me nearly as much anxiety because its just the way my perception is now. You just gotta accept it. Easier said then done I know, but with time ya will!
Thanks for the kind words man! I'm always writing songs, I was in a bit of a writers block for awhile and I only do it for personal therapy now a days. Don't play for too many people. Nothing better then writing a song about exactly how you feel in the moment, helps you get everything out.
it was a slow process, I remember everything seemed foreign at first, not real, even myself didn't feel real. After time though I began to realize these sensations can't hurt me and I grew to accept everything. I now hardly think about it. You gotta realize everything is going to look different from now on, the way you saw the world has forever changed, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I see a new beauty in things that I didn't see before.
Like I said before I really wish there were more videos about HPPD. I know its hard for people to post their face on the internet describing their stories and what not, but I think we need more people out there spreading the word. I understand how hard it can be the first few months getting this but it does get A LOT better and people need to realize this. The key to getting better is to stop all drugs and just ride it out, accept what has happened and feel lucky you didn't end up with an addiction that'll ruin your life and possibly end it.