since92

Thank you Jay. Happy new year to you and everyone.

I can't really help with any advice as such, but maybe it can help if I share the experience that I had with my mother? It's very difficult for me to explain what went on emotionally when I was living through the below - but I sure do remember how it all felt! Looking back, some of that xanax might well have helped me too... Soon after I developed HPPD I went to the town that my mother was in, to tell her all about it. I hadn't lived with her for a couple of years by then because in my first year of uni (after my last year of school) her new partner and her both moved out of our city and paid for me to remain by living in a residential college. But then I dropped out of this first attempt at uni (I managed to go back and get a degree later). She became so upset and called a help-line and then told me that they had told her that I might have a drug-induced psychosis. This upset her so much more. She had a lot of mental health issues during her life, so this seemed to be just something that she couldn't take - so she cried and cried. She struggled to cope already whenever my brother or I were not ideal (e.g. if we were ever sick). Consequently, I felt very strongly that I wouldn't be able to deal with the HPPD around her - that I had to leave and face it on my own, that her behaviour would make it harder for me to be strong - so I left. I packed a back pack and started backpacking in my own home city to start with. Then I travelled to the next town then the next, with new friends that I found along the way. Even though I could go on welfare where I am, I picked fruit to earn a living, just to do something that didn't really need my brain for the time being. It felt fantastic to be out and having fun and new experiences, even with HPPD. I just kept on in this way, doing the next thing and the next thing. I used to feel really sad that I didn't have the kinds of parents that I'd heard described: who are capable and kind and caring, and could pay for mental health professionals and everything that their child needs. In the end though, it has worked out ok for me. My mother still asks me about occasionally, so I talk about it - but I don't go much into any of those early details.

Thank you for that information.

I was actually wondering whether your username was the same as back then? Not sure whether I'd remember you though. Those old posts would help my memory there too!

Do you know whether you went by the same username on that forum? I have messaged David S. Kozin, asking about those earlier forum days - see https://www.hppdonline.com/profile/1-david-s-kozin/

I hope you find your friend. Similarly, I've haven't been on this forum for long so wonder who remembers the forum that we used to use - I remember being on one that I joined in 2003? Similarly to you, I would like to be in touch with some of those long-time-HPPDers. Also, I would like to see some of those early posts of mine because I remember explaining a lot about how my HPPD formed and how I perceived things and it would be useful to read them again.