Well it is quite emotional to finally be here. Firstly from the six months after I was spiked with acid without realising (whilst on a concoction of ecstasy, ketamine and weed) until I was told that yes someone had unintentionally spiked you with LSD and a lot of it! I thought I was going insane. The first trip directly afterwards lasted nine hours of pure hell. The next time after that that I did drugs took me straight back for nine hours and I have never recovered fully.
No one understood. I didn't understand myself. I cut out all party drugs which were a big part of my life but only when I realised they were detrimental. I learnt it all on my own. I presumed I was chemically imbalanced from the years of clubbing. Then after a couple years of trying to cope with the hellish feelings that never went away just slowly slowly slowly faded with time, I self diagnosed post traumatic stress disorder. The dr said anxiety. It slowly faded. I went for a routine filling, and tripped for two days because of the anaesthetic. And now I am scared that I cant ever have it again. I need more fillings and I want to have children. What the hell am I going to do?
Still it lingers, I can't ever just relax I have to keep my brain busy. If I'm hungover or sleep deprived it rears its ugly head.
Is there hope? I dont want to take medication, I'm so scared Of making it worse. It's been six long years and I am no longer carefree.
Bearing my heart here. It's just the first time I've realised that other People have it too. It's been hard. Big love to you all x
