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Distress

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  1. So I posted here about five or six years ago shortly after a very traumatic trip I endured on shrooms, and the strong HPPD that had occured for more than a year afterward. you can look at my thread from years back for more information. I'm recovered. I no longer see the static unless it's nighttime or the room is very dark. I still can not smoke marijuana (I was a stoner before my trip, and the trip resulted in forced sobriety. I had to quit everything). I was left even unable to smoke cigarettes or drink, even caffine in coffee was horrible. It took a while for me to be able to drink.. but I couldn't drink too much or I'd panic. Marijuana was not the same for me anymore.. I would relive trip flashbacks from the trip. I did try smoking bud here and there without success. I have a friend that is growing purely CBD Bud, (less than 0.25% thc) (I live in a legal state) and go from there. I will update with my findings. I realize that my recovery is luck.. there is many people here who never recovered and I realize that, I'm grateful.
  2. If you enjoy HPPD, you don't have a bad case of HPPD. Imagine being totally fucked. Most people here are.
  3. They're better. Visuals have mostly went away. Staring into the mirror has gotten alot better. I still have the impending doom feeling often, like today I almost had a panic attack dropping off my boss.
  4. It took me a while to be able to have a beer or two, but if I get drunk I start feeling uncomfortable, like somethings wrong or about to go wrong. I just can't get to bed without a beer anymore.
  5. I trip enough without drugs, and not in a good way. Horrible shit this stuff is. I won't ever touch anything again, that's for sure.
  6. I couldn't imagine doing another trip, that to me would be worse than death. I won't even touch mary jane, I know I would have a bad reaction like last time. I just recently got to where I can drink beer, and even then so when I start feeling buzzed I get to where I'm feeling weird. I remember being so normal before my last traumatic trip. HPPD has changed my life so much. you never appreciate sobriety enough. I appreciate just being able to drink some coffee, have a beer or smoke a cigarette,
  7. I was smoking with friends and my girlfriend. He said it was very dank, so we were like sure. I bought an eighth or so and I chose to share with my friends before I hit the stuff myself. Bad move. The entire circle started having a bad time. It was extremely hard for me to breathe, and the visuals were just like shrooms. Girlfriend had a giant eye on her forehead, and stuff was morphing / other psychedelic effects. Had audio hallucinations, etc. I smoked two bowls of it and the stuff destroyed me ten minutes later (just hit me all at once). It didn't smell, or taste like bud. We nearly had to call 9-11. Our Dealer said the guy he got it from may have coated it with powdered Nbome or another Research Chemical to bump bad quality bud. Our friend said he really felt like it was spice. We no longer talk to the Dealer, and the stuff hit my friend and I the hardest since we smoked more of it.
  8. I used to be so passionate about my smoke, that really killed me when I realized I wouldn't be able to enjoy it again.
  9. Do you think I should get on anxiety medication since I have severe anxiety, or will medication interfere? How long were you sober before you started to get better? How long until I can enjoy a beer again? Thanks
  10. I honestly couldn't imagine trying psychedelics going through this. I tried smoking some bud and nearly had a panick-attack, something that had never happened before. I was scared I was about to relive the bad trip again, and the visuals were fullblown. I have since when completely sober (absolutely everything) I couldn't imagine trying shrooms while suffering from this.
  11. I received mine from bud that my dealer cut with research-chemicals without my knowledge. It nearly landed me in the emergency room. It completely ruined me. It's been one month, and the visuals have become better. The main thing is how this has impacted my mind. I feel like I'm losing it everyday, wheras before the trip I was completely sane. Some days I really just want to die.
  12. I had a traumatic trip a month ago, and ever since then I've been suffering from HPPD. I quit all drugs, even caffeine and cigarettes. I've only ever tripped twice, one was a one ounce shroom trip, and the other time was a trip I didn't want to take. My Dealer had laced my weed, (spice or nbome, I do not know), and I had a traumatic trip. I almost called 9-11. Before the trip, I was just a sane 24 year old. II feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm going insane and I don't know how to stop it. It's hard to sleep at night, when I shut my eyes I'll see people moving around above me in the static, almost like I'm in an hospital bed and examiners are doing rounds or something. I've began believing I'm in a simulation. I can't even understand consciousnesses. How did anything start? If the big bang happened, how did the God Particle ever exist? Could it be that everything I know is simulated by a computer? Could there be higher beings that have designed this simulation? I never used to think like this, and my thoughts are killing me. I just want to die every day. I'm losing myself in a battle against my mind and it's so horrible. Does anybody else feel the same way? Is there anything that can help me? I'm planning to see a psychiatrist to hopefully get some medication to help. But I don't even know where to begin to help myself.
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